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Marriage, Intimacy, and Dhoka!

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by mathangikkumar, Jan 9, 2012.

  1. mathangikkumar

    mathangikkumar Platinum IL'ite

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    Marriage is quite common everywhere and sex is also common whether it's before or after marriage but dhoka is rare after marriage.
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    [FONT=&quot]From what I am given to understand by reading the news from newspaper reports is' dhoka after marriage' has started to show its true colors.
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    [FONT=&quot]We have come across marriages are a matter of convenience for the parties involved. Mostly they are on the basis of caste, relationship, business extension, family friendship,like- party minded, etc. There is no ill feeling or heart burns as well. It's based on mutual understanding. If it does not work, the parties separate on mutual understanding without much to do about it. It's kept a low key affair. They just discard their marital status and go for a change.


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    The recent events :a husband has filed a case against his so called 'wife'-a trans-gender, a fact known to him on the wedding night. His complaint was that his aunt( mother's sister) who brought this alliance very well knew about the fact of the 'girl' but for the lure of money cheated her own nephew.Here marriage with no love but dhoka ,in another case it's vice versa where the girl came to know about her' husband ' and in both the cases the normal gender were taken for a ride.


    'Marriages are made in heaven' that 's what earlier people to used to say, but it's made on earth in 'broad day light' , and 'brought out at night'!


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    [FONT=&quot]Funny but true. We come across so many things happen after marriage , the girl forced to swipe partners by the husband , discreet relationships carried on even after marriage with the ex beau, etc, etc......
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    Many in the name of marriage hide certain facts just to get out of the sarcastic comments from the society or from the fear of being ostracized by the society. Where is this leading to? Except to find some innocent scape goats in the society?


    If the society accepts and gives these transgenders an identity, these things would not happen. Unnecessarily innocent people would not suffer for no fault of theirs.


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    I heard about a husband who had some problem in procreating , the wife who learnt about it opted for donor sperm and gave birth to a boy , so that she can keep herself and her husband away from the stigma of.....The wife took the bold step as soon as she learnt the truth about her husband. The husband hid the fact from his family members. She had her government job in hand so the question of dependency did not arise. The husband could not bear this insult so divorced her without a second thought even though the problem was with him. What happened later was after his he retirement , he felt lonely and tried his best to woo his son by hook or crook so that he gets back his divorced wife and son by the side of him in his evening years. The son who has entered his college has understood his father's intention and he stands by his mother and the father is neither here nor there. As long as he was earning he had the support of his kith and kin and now no one cares for him.,


    In another case the wife did not attain puberty, and got married by hiding the fact . In spite of praying in many temples, knocking at the doors of all specialists nothing achieved till now. Why, this dhoka?
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    In most of the cases, people with defects are to be blamed. In the first place they should come out clean with their faults or weaknesses. If any remedy is there try and rectify or else live a life of your own but do not spoil the life of your partners by getting married. Come out in open to your parents and explain to them about your incapability and make them understand to understand and sympathize with you rather than go ahead with your marriage and later dhoka.


    It should be ,made mandatory for all prospective brides and grooms to go for all tests to clear themselves of any shortcomings before getting into wedlock. Matching of horoscope is not necessary but matching of blood group, other test reports is essential to have a healthy marital life!


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  2. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    A thought provoking post - in tamil there is this saying "aayiram poi solli oru kalyanam" - loosely translated it means " it is ok to utter 1000 lies to get a marriage done "...makes me wonder - what were our ancestors thinking when they uttered these words ??? - that it was ok to begin a marital bond in the foundation of lies ???? - no wonder then the insititution of marriage is in such a mess nowadays!!!! Why is it difficult to be honest before entering what is supposed to be not only a lifelong but "saat janam" ka rishta... !!!! It is time people stopped being in denial and accept and state complete facts about themselves and save themselves from lot of misery later.
     

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