Male colleagues' Lecherous stares

Another skill that I need to enhance myself.

I work in a corporate company where most of the females dress up in a typical AP style, like, kurta-chudidhaar, kinda not so fancy stuff, simple footwear, simple hairstyle. My company has a casual outfits to the office rule, and when compared to 90% of the females there, I am a little more stylish than them. I wear the most fashionable trousers/jeans, good looking tops(no ill fitting or bosom fitting), scarves, stilettos/ankle length boots, a little fashionable ear rings, and I am naturally gifted with good hair so, I tend to flaunt my hair with various hair styles. Also, there is this eye and lip makeup that I never forget. But, I am not a hippie kind of a woman, who socializes in parties or regularly visits discos. I am just any other woman who likes to groom herself very well and try to be at least a little fashionable.

So, this whole dressing, gets me unwanted attraction in the entire office. The staff is ~200-300. I wouldn't say the entire office, but there are a few office members who lech at me. Someone, whom I don't know and even those who are in my team. And the whole thing makes me uncomfortable. I am not making an assumption that people are leching at me, I can definitely make out the difference from admiring and leching looks. At least, I am that mature enough.

To quote a few incidents, I had gone to this in-house cafeteria and found only one group sitting around a table and chit chatting loudly. The moment I dragged a chair for myself at an adjacent table, there was pin drop silence. And that did make me uncomfortable. I have not made any presumptions about this incident, but I have seen the same group behaving normally when there are other people or other person. FYI, I know none in that team.

Whenever I walk, people stare and stare at my footwear or any other stuff to the extent that I get uncomfortable, be it a female or a male.

Everyone in the office knows that I am unmarried and these married female colleagues of mine, taunt me.. "we never get time to dress up.. we have kids to send to school and manage the household chores". Yes, just like that.

Whenever I sit for lunch, people start talking about this stuff, how come I get so much time, or money to spend on my foot/clothe wear which embarrasses me to hell. One of the worst one was, how do your parents allow you to dress like this...? Ours never allow us... and laugh at me.

And there are these few I-dont-know-who colleagues, who, when they pass by me, clear their throats. And it ranges from late twenty guys to middle aged men. No, I don't mean that I am comfortable with guys in their early twenties clearing their throats or admiring me. but I mean, though people are married with kids, this is what they tend to do in the office premises. Not to mention, their lecherous stares at my bosom. As a mater of fact, I have seen a few other colleagues who wear traditional Indian attire and their cleavage is almost visible when they walk or sit. And if it is a saree, the tummy/one booby show is just so clear.. and I haven't seen them getting embarrassed or the same guys staring at me do not stare at them, but everyone is quite comfortable with each other. Again, I am not pointing out any other person's character or behavior, what makes me wonder is navel/cleavage/tummy/saree-blouse one boob show seems to be okay to those guys but their behavior changes when they see me.

Not to mention, when a few bastards in my team, talk to me, they stare at my boobs or for that matter my entire arms when I wear my sleeveless tops. Yes, there were females doing that staring thing too.

I wouldn't say this has happened in the other offices. But here, these seem to be very prominent. Although there were glaring-me scenarios in other companies(both in Bangalore and Hyderabad)but never ever felt so awkward or embarrassed. And at those locations, most of the females dressed up just like I did and there were lechers but not that rampant.

And whenever I have a casual conversation with a new person, they tell me...one of them has literally told me in my face.. I thought you were some big big thing.. but you are just so normal. And that too with such a sarcasm that I was taken aback for that unexpected criticism. I am writing exactly the same words he uttered.

Out of all the incidents that I have narrated, I know most of them should be dispersed as unwanted things. But again, I have a few questions.

1) Should I really keep mum, when my female/male colleagues pester me with questions as I have mentioned, time,money factors and all that? Or, how do I evade/answer diplomatically?

2) What do I tell those male pigs when they stare at my arms/bosom so that they get uncomfortable and never ever make such a mistake. And please don't tell me approach HR... I want to resolve that issue at my end itself and gain confidence within me to encounter such bastards in the future too. And one of those bastards happen to be my lead too.

 

so, what have you done about it? have you faced a situation when a guy is literally looking at your bosom??? Had it been outside the office, I know how to handle it. When in the office premises, I want to handle it professionally and diplomatically in such a way that the opposite person would think twice before talking to me.

yes, I have been doing that and kinda getting used to it too. but my set of queries are different.

yes, it is just as the company dress code states. It is just that most of the employees have not really encountered people dressed up like me, directly. And so the awkward stares. But that is not the issue. As I mentioned, in my OP, the set of questions are different. Do you have any suggestion for those?

 

that works very much outside office premises. Or a similar dialogue. Thank you for that advice.

Also, how to deal with those bastards in the office? I have stated my questions in my post. I am kind of looking for professional and diplomatic sentences that would drag the hell out of them. Let me be a little more clear.

Assuming, we are walking in the aisle, simultaneously, there would be these throat clearing. Or when I am already seated at my desk, I can see through the corner of my desk, that yes, someone is staring constantly at me. I can ignore the later case but throat clearing is annoying and sounds like they have never grown up.

 

those bastards, whom I am talking about, are not that proficient in English. I wonder if they would understand the meaning I am trying to convey.

I think I should start doing it. Thank you for the advice.

 

Can I really talk that way? I have never done that within office premises, so, I am very hesitant about that. As mentioned, those throat clearing bastards are higher officials in their middle age. AFAIK, they hold a very good position in the office and everyone is at their feet. The point is, if it were more severe than this, probably my action would be different. But when it is a higher official, what can be done??

To quote a few scenarios, another manager used to do the same thing when he passed by my desk. It happened many times. But one fine day, my friend and I were about to take an elevator and I saw this manager with his colleague in one. It was just two of them. I immediately dragged my friend and said to her, "let's take another one", loudly so that he could hear it. He made a long face immediately and I guess that had given him the message. And I had that Sheldon's grin on my face. yippie...

Also, when an another colleague was staring at me, on another occasion, and the moment I noticed, I made a face directly to him and since then, he would walk with his face down, whenever he encounters me.

In another scenario, there was this male colleague, who was in the admin dept, doing a similar non-sense staring. He had one day seen me with a family member of mine and since then, he would lower his face too when he sees me. Yes, the very moment. Triumphant me again.

So, I am looking for such an option where I can handle this throat clearing bastards too. I do not directly want to engage in a conversation with them, because, that would only worsen the situation. They are just literates but not educated and hence can stoop very very low and I would be the one with my face splashed with mud. And yes, the advice you have given to me is helpful. I would definitely keep that in mind. And use it as a tool, whenever needed.