Make Your Home A Safer Place For Your Children

Some 6 months ago a new colleague joined the firm I work for. A very petite, smart, educated young girl. She performs her office duties to perfection, she's polite and very well mannered. However, she never smiles or tries to interact with other staff members. She almost avoids conversations apart from those that are connected with her office duties. Most of the staff were amazed at her staying "aloof" attitude. Some say she's snooty, some say she's silly, some say she is boring. I watched her daily as she went past my office cabin. I always felt that there was hidden pain behind her faint smile but I couldn't decide how to approach her. I didn't want to offend her by intruding into her life but at the same time, I felt i needed to talk to her and perhaps help her if I could. So one day I managed to catch her sitting alone in the staff canteen. I quickly took the chance and went over to her table, asked if I could join her. She said "yes" reluctantly. I then tried to break the ice by talking about what she was having for lunch and offering her to try something from my lunch tray. We got talking and during that one hour lunch break, I managed to form a casual friendship with her. During our chat she looked relaxed and comfortable and I had a feeling she'd open up to me. I said how boring the office canteen was and tried to tempt her to join me for lunch at Jamie's Italian in town on Saturday. She hesitated and after some tough convincing she agreed. My only intention was to bring some cheer to her beautiful but sad face, but was quite unaware of what she was going to talk about at lunch.

She arrived at the restaurant, and as she sat down, I noticed she was fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, looked nervous uneasy. I held her hand and assured her that I may not be the best of persons she may know but I'm not bad either. This made her smile a little but I could see tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. I then boldly told her that she can talk to me in confidence about anything that's bothering her. As soon as I said this, she started to sob uncontrollably. I let her cry. She needed to shed out the bottled up pain for God knows how long! Then she began talking - hesitated words poured out, wrapped in total shame, acute pain and embarrassment. She was 4 years old and until she was 18, she was being sexually exploited and abused by her older brother. First she didn't grasp what was going on but when she realised it was wrong, she said she tried to talk to her mother but her mother ignored. In fact she was told off for making up such stories. She had no friends or neighbours she could confide in. Her father was unapproachable. He never earned a living and the household was surviving on her brother's income. No wonder the mother was scared to tackle her son. She'd lose the son as well as his income. She lived in a small town in Africa where social services were not much to talk about. There were other aspects of the abuse which are too disturbing to write about. The brother died two years ago but left the scars of his shameless acts on this wonderful person. We sat talking well into the afternoon and I promised to bring her out of this vicious thought circle. I persuaded her to see a specialist and even attended a session with her. She's agreed to go for further counselling and she's now going to try and build back her shattered personality.

So please all IL readers, don't think that abusive behaviour only takes place outside your home. Most such acts are born within the home. The ones you trust the most can hurt you the most. Keep a close eye on your children and make sure they're safe wherever they are. Prevention is much better than cure!