Make Friendship Or Not

Sapna56 · Sep 20, 2016

hello friends
I need a suggestion about getting too close to a friend/ neighbor.
I got new neighbors few months back. A couple basically. Then I started getting along with her. Her husband and my DH used to be colleagues couple of years ago.
Since she's my neighbor and she likes to play with kids we started meeting each other. And she plays with my kid.
After few days, my DH warned me to maintain distance with her. When I asked the reason he initially said that the colleague behavior was not good in his old workplace. He used to keep on asking for money to anybody and everybody. People suspected that he may be indulging in some bad habits so...
But me and the colleagues wife already became good friends by then. And since she is my neighbor, she helps me too. We share our experiences.
But i am also worried what DH says. It may be troublesome later on.
I am in a confused situation now. please help me whether I shud maintain distance or should I continue as it goes?

Sweety82 · Sep 20, 2016

Pls follow ur husbands sayings.it is for good only...slowly, maintain a distance without her knowledge. because people may talk very well but u should not get embarrased when somebody very closer to you asks money or giving some inconvenience suddenly. we freeze and blink..so u can talk with her very well but slowly maintain a distance...

dc24 · Sep 20, 2016

I'm definitely not against friendships...but having said that..i would suggest that you please follow your husband's advice as he's your best wellwisher..he must have surely noticed some discrepancy that's why he advised you to maintain distance from your friend...please remember....Family Comes First.

guesshoo · Sep 20, 2016

In your place, I would thank my husband for the warning but continue to be friends with firm boundaries. Which means won't share cash and be a bit careful what news I share. However I won't cut her off. The poor lady mustn't be left friendless because of her husband's behaviour. That is unfair.

Now if I then find out that she is not entirely truthful and has a hidden agenda, then it's goodbye time. I'd be upfront with my husband the whole time this has happened in the past. I protect my relationship with my husband while making my own decisions. There have been times he's been right. Times he's been wrong.

Rihana · Sep 20, 2016

Sapna56 said: ↑

Since she's my neighbor and she likes to play with kids we started meeting each other. And she plays with my kid.
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I would be wary of any adult neighbor who likes to play with my kid.

And since she is my neighbor, she helps me too. We share our experiences.
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What help? How onerous is life that help is needed on an ongoing basis? At least in the U.S., and at least till the friendship has been stable for long enough, it is better to go easy on the seeking and giving help, and even more so on the sharing of experiences.

And, if the husbands know each other enough to interact without being bid to do so by the wives, the friendship is best handled differently. I keep them at the 'family friend' level, which is a couple of pegs lower than 'my friend.'

madras2018 · Sep 20, 2016

Rihana said: ↑

I would be wary of any adult neighbor who likes to play with my kid.
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Rihana said: ↑

What help? How onerous is life that help is needed on an ongoing basis?
Click to expand...

Funny, but true !

JustAnotherMom · Sep 21, 2016

Roshini873 said: ↑

Start telling her you have money issues
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I think money should not a discussion topic at all till she bring it in, and if she ever ask, you can be straight forward and say a NO.

Vaikuntha · Sep 21, 2016

I believe in friendships but always seen as a cold person. It has helped me in being safe.
I would say:

Bring your Husband in lot of conversations.
Reduce on sharing experiences
Slowly withdraw
Till you come to hi bye