living with inlaws...lose of freedom....its hell...

Dear Friend,
Cool down.. we are are here to support you.
I can very well relate to what you say.
As if you are some alien who wouldnt want any care or fair treatment.
Same happens for all.
First thing I say is to become engaged in a hobby and have your own time for your own wishes. Dont compromise on that.
Slowly create a space for your own.. and start living your self. I am not telling you should stop doing things for them
Do but do not over do.

 

Yes I agree with what tulip2012 says.

You can try to do some hobby.
See i know that all DILs have problems with their PILs in some way or other. So i would suggest you that either try to develop a good relation with them if you do not have. Try to talk to them and ask about them, i feel if you give respect to them they will in turn ask about you.
If they are orthodox or of old beliefs that DIL has to be behaved like this then i am not sure this will work, but you can try.
For E.G. sometimes you can ask your MIL to prepare something which she knows and you do not know. She wil also get involved in household work. You can ask her to share your work. Try to do some part-time job which will keep you busy.
Get confidence from your DH to talk with his parents to behave nicely with you.

I know its like a JAIL when we stay with in-laws like thre are some restrictions. But due to this do not try to stress yourself and your life. You be happy and make time for yourself. be involved with your kid.

Also never compare yourself with others. it makes your life more HELL. you never know what is your sister's destiny. May be there will be something good for you too. You need to try to be happy in this situation as well you never know... & thinking that they will be always with and cursing yourself is not a solution.

See if ti works. All the best.

 

Comparing life with your sisters life is not going to improve your peace of mind.Your sister could be facing a different kind of problems.Life is not always rosy in US .There too you have new set of difficulties.All those rosy face book pic dont show any of it to you.

Be happy with what life has given.Try to improve your happiness quotient by bringing changes in your daily living.If you dont like to be in the beck and call of your inlaws opt for a job or do a course that can fetch you one.Break your routine with something interesting.Its not a fault to get jealous of your sibling who had flown to a lively dreamy life making you feel that you had been short sighted in your choice.But the same attitude is not going to allow you to have a peaceful mind. Sit calm ,analyse life,think of what could make you happy and bring those changes in life.

 

1)Don't compare.
2)Stop having expectations from in laws.You have your expectations from husband and children to love you .
3)Set happiness goals for yourself.What do you want that is missing from your life(other than same treatment from in laws).What do you not like about living together.
4)Find ways to solve them.

e.g...If lack of privacy is an issue....make a little life for yourself within your home. Make your bedroom,balcony your retreat.Make it as comfortable as you like.If not getting to watch TV is a problem...get a second tv and keep in bedroom.


If too much work is a problem....get inlaws involved in some work.Keep a maid to help out.

Make alone time with husband. Leave the kids with in laws and go for movies,shopping with husband.Take advantage og in laws presence.

If finances is a problem...ask husband to give you spending money,work towards getting a part time job and save.

You respect in laws ...but don't run circles around them. Do the basic.They are healthy...if they can take care of son and grandchildren...they can serve themselves.
Don't add on new jobs for yourself.Delegate.

 

Do you do job?If not then start immediately.Many women do job to maintain their sanity.

 

You all did a nice job of telling the suffering OP how to adjust. :-(

 

Ria, aside from having to do their 'seva', do you face any issues with them? And by seva, what do you mean? Do they object to you sitting with them and eating? Do they expect you to serve them, pick their dirty plates etc.,?

 

Dear OP,
I am assuming you can't leave and get a different house due to husbands refusal.
My solution is become the mistress of the house. Put your foot down if you don't line anything....anything at all like you don't want children to go out as they have to sleep, you are ok with them going after half hour. You don't want to cook Saturday and Wednesday as you are fasting for pooja. Who want food can cook for themselves.Servant should let you know before getting anything into home or when she is coming and leaving. Don't go to parties unless you have been told a week or so before. Own that house, let's see how you will be an outsider

 

I feel sorry for you. Don't have anything to say but enjoy this thread http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/209587-new-laws-needed-protect-laws.html