Life Is Merciless

My journey in this site started some 3 years back as a newly married woman trying to learn and unlearn from experiences of sage women over here and seeking solution to my problems for which I could not vent anywhere else. Who knew that my married life would see such a downward spiral that today, its been around 3 months that I’m at parents and me and my DH have decided to call it quits and both sets of families have agreed (non consummation-oh how these 2 words suck the life out of me+excessive mental harassment from MIL & SIL).


It seems that MIL & SIL were waiting and none of them made a single attempt for reconciliation when every time before this, I was the one who took an initiative to mend things. But this time things got nasty and my father spoke very rude words to my MIL & DH and even raised his hand as if he would hit DH but he stopped. My MIL+SIL+DH are bad mouthing my father & brother that how dare they tried hitting him? I am extremely disgusted by in-laws. Is it OK for Indian men and their atrocious families to completely derail a woman’s sanity in 4-walls of home and exercise mental cruelty on her by not giving her a basic conjugal right of consummation, by torturing her over her everyday food choices+dressing sense + family background+ looks so much so that a highly qualified independent girl is reduced to zero? But if the same thing comes out in open and the girl’s family reacts in disbelief by swearing and only pretending to hit, all hell breaks lose? That means my MIL SIL and DH are allowed to slowly poison me and reduce me to a non-entity but the moment my parents react it is not tolerated? This time my DH dint even bother saying that he will go for a treatment, for him, the shock of my father shouting at him was too much for his ego and every atrocity that he and his family ever indulged in, pales in comparison to it.


I’m extremely saddened by the cruel realizations which have dawned on me. I tell myself everyday not to hate anyone but I just cant seem to help myself. There was a time when I shared a beautiful bond with my DH but my MIL & SIL ruined everything. My MIL just couldn’t share him with anyone and he was too blinded by him.

 

Dear @suryakala

I tried speaking to my DH a month back, not to get back with him but to end this relationship like 2 mature individuals, avoiding dragging parents and excessive mud slinging. However, my DH dint take my call or revert to my message. Rather later that night, an uncle who is a common friend and a lawyer, and also representing DH called my dad and asked him to tell his daughter not to threaten the guy! Thank god I had already shared that message with my parents that I tried speaking to DH so it dint come as a shock to them. DH is acting that he is GOD and that my family is family of sinners whereas the truth is that I'm the one of who is at the receiving end, I tried to hide for months on end about consummation with my parents which is hitting me now, I would always bend backwards for his family thinking maybe this would strengthen our relationship but absolutely nothing worked.

 

Yes @suryakala,

All these days I have realized that DH was loving as long as MIL and SIL were far off. As soon as they were around, he would be a different person. I hail from a pharma background and I knew that if I disclosed the non-consummation thing to my parents, I would never be allowed to stay put in the marriage, therefore, I left no stone unturned to take my DH to doctors, to visit th gynecologists with him to reassure him that it is not him, it is US who are working towards this problem, so much so that I have undergone a 2-finger test when my DH had a doubt that I suffered from vaginismus. All the doctors would examine him and give him a clean chit but I still wonder why he just couldn't perform!! I was and I'm very human. Our last trip was to Thailand and we decided that we will seek professional help to get over this thing but when we finally reached there, my DH gave up. Then I insisted that we buy a vibrator so that he learns how to use it which might help him. My DH never even opened the packing of that vibrator. There were days when I would tell me with love/anger/pain that I'm a normal girl and that I need physical intimacy and that if this marriage is going to continue like this, then we must arrive at a solution of either coming clean and making a pact or going our ways but this guy would not budge at all.
I wonder what did he have in his mind? If he really wanted to end this marriage he could have told me and this could have been handled, my questions are literally killing me.

 

My lawyer has told me that in India it is very difficult to prove non-consummation of marriage so nullity can't be proved. My DH has openly admitted to the fact that the intercourse has never happened but his mother has started telling all her kith & kin that the girl had a problem, she never accepted her son!