lied y??????????

Wow, that is scary. It would be very hard for me to trust someone like that. Someone who could hide such a big thing ie they were married to someone. Even if they did not have any relation etc its still a very big thing.

I would get more detail about this marriage, why did it happen how did it end etc.

I don't think you can ignore it since it tells you a lot about your DH that he can hide something so big.

 

I think you should find out if he is divorced for sure.

 

What is it that you want from him?

You are saying he is nice guy. You are saying You still love him.

so why are you doing this fault finding at this point? was this an issue all the time or are you trying to dig the root cause of the issues that you have just ignored all this while and now that the truth about his 1st marriage is out in the open, you are trying to figure out hte reasons for some of his behaviours that you ignored all this while?

Ask yourself what you want and whatever you are thinking , how does it help you?Is it his basic nature or is it your doubt on him that he is liek this only with you.

 

Dear lactic,

I am sorry that your hubby hid such a big thing from you.Was it an arranged match?How come you never knew this bit of his past?
I suggest you have an heart-to-heart talk with him and share your feelings.Tell him how difficult it is for you to trust him.then take a reasonable stand on how you feel about it and just put it behind you.

 

Leave it at that. These things are not important. the whole future is ahead and we are going to spend our life there. So think about that. Don't carry any baggage from the past. It's a burden best discarded for a happy life.

Read books by Dale Carnegie and Shakti Gawain and you will get your answers.

Best wishes

Nandita

 

Sometimes people get married in other countries for the purpose of extending visa/getting passport etc..that mostly on papers only..speak to him briefly if there is something is bothering him since long as you told that he is calm person...otherwise you have an option to continue it as it is if you don't dare to bear the truth if something odd comes across and willing to trust him for the future...but for sure, check if he already got divorce
best of luck

 

Find out all the details as why he got married , the reasons for divorce . You are heartbroken because he lied to you or you mistakenly thought him to be a bachelor at the time of marriage.
And he also did it so that you wouldnt get hurt !! So it was for your own good according to him !
Ask him to spill out any other dark secrets he may be keeping from you.
Maybe thats why he was reserved, hopefully he will be more communicative now.

 

Lots of men, are not much expressive as regards love and affection to their wives. What is utmost important is ............are there any clues as to whether he still connects to that women, by sms, phone calls or chat etc,

If you are sure, there is no form of connection between him and that woman, then, you also should forget her totally. May be, as someoneelse already said, if the process of legal divorce is not done, then you can , at the most, advise him for legal divorce, so that she does not claim any financial benefits from him, at a later date (if this possibility does not look viable, then , divorce is also not necessary).

You can just forget every thing, and assess him based on his merits and demerits of today's life with you.