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Let me know if I am right or wrong?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by candidheart, Mar 8, 2015.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If it makes the asking easier for you, call them up yourself without informing your husband. You can keep the call brief, and you will have the element of surprise in your favor to make it a quick, simple 'how are you, get better soon' call.
    I understand. Especially your mom's hurt. You will find a way to deal with that memory without making yourself bitter. Time. You will also find a way to separate that from other more pleasant events and milestones of life and married life.
     
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  2. funbee

    funbee Silver IL'ite

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    2 people like this.
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    +1

    Call yourself in husband's absence. Let in laws know you know what pain means.Let mil know you are calling because your upbringing is good(better ).
     
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  4. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    I doubt if your hubby or MIL would recognise or realise you as a bigger person or even your upbringing.According to them you are under their control and have done what they said.

    Call your FIL when hubby is not around. Keep the differences aside and enquire about his health . It is just plain courtesy even if you do not like the person.

    Your hubby's behaviour during your mom's death is unacceptable. How could he be so mean?And you left your son with him and went alone???Totally unacceptable.You need a lot to work in this marriage, lady !
     
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  5. candidheart

    candidheart Platinum IL'ite

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    I completely agree and am sure My PIL's wouldn't even realise. They would think "it took her this long to enquire?". I don't want to prove anything to my PIL's, according to me, its their prejudice of how a son-in-law should behave with inlaws, and my hubby's strict adherence to it to keep them happy is the root cause of this situation. But my husband now knows and that's what I care about. My Inlaws very well know that I cannot be controlled/forced to do something that I don't want to do. I would simply not budge. I want to do this for myself..
    @Rihanna, @yellowmango,
    I wouldn't mind talking to FIL but that will never happen. My MIL is his mouthpiece always, even in person, never let anyone interact with him[even sons]. Now that his hearing is also slightly impaired it is MIL always, and I have to enquire to her. I keep my interaction with her as minimum as possible. I will not call by myself as I am not that good, dont want to be, but will talk to them the next time my husband calls.
    he informed me that FIL is discharged and doing better now but slightly tired. I keep myself updated with latest development
    @bhuvnidhi
    As far as leaving without my son, my mom passed away just 4 days before his school starts and school policy was that if the student misses first day of school, they would be taken of school roster, I couldn't care less, but hubby said he would book tickets immediately after school and one more reason being back in India they had to do cremation even before I reached as for religious/social [aadi nombu celebrated in our street]reasons. They told us upfront, so his reasoning is even if we rushed cannot see mom for last time! That's how pathetic my situation was!! Felt like an orphan, crying all the way in flight,missed connecting flight, by the time I reached my eyes had dried up. Felt numb!! The minute I was in India, my Dad's condition did not let me care for anyone else...At that time I did not care if he came or not, he did not mean anything...there were some excuses, don't know if he was looking for deals or if really office situation that delayed for booking tickets, God only knows, it didn't matter to me. Finally when we admitted my dad in serious condition, then my MIL told him you have to come immediately [permission granted I guess] and then he booked and started. Dad passed few hours before they reached! thats how things were, you really can't control much when things happen so suddenly, hubby and son took a backseat in my life and my parents were my top priority!

    Am not very naive either, I have set clear expectations for my hubby and inlaws. they know i can't be taken for a ride easily!
     
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  6. shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    Hmm.. your hurt might reduce with time, but the scar might remain forever.
    Pick up the phone, make a call for the sake of calling and do not mention to him that you called your FIL.
    Even if your spouse told this great excuse of you not asking him to speak to your parents/ not handing the phone to him, his conscience would prick him forever. He might never express his feeling to you, but, that prick would always remain in his mind. That being said, your MIL may never feel that prick, though.

    Well great upbringing that some families demonstrate.
     
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  7. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Candidheart , I feel very bad for what has happenned.My first thought was you should have taken your son along with you.He should have been there for his grandmother's funeral.Forget hubby. We just cannot do anything when adults behave heartless. Ideally , the whole family should have caught the next flight .

    I do not know how it works in US .But here , in case of deaths or any serious illness for close relatives, we would inform the employer and catch the next flight .The employer will arrange everything for the employee.Hence I thought it is very unfair that your hubby stayed back with your son.

    :2thumbsup:
     
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