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Left Flabbergasted....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shama146, Sep 21, 2019.

  1. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    I know about a case of a woman who refused to give divorce, even when she had no plans to live with him. The husband in this case was a womaniser and cared for his mother,sister and her kids than his own family, left wife and daughter ,when daughter was just around 2. Both came from wealthy background. But the point woman had was her chance of remarriage was not there, then why he should get a second chance. I think I would support her, he should not have married in first place if his intention was to not lead a normal married life. But eventually he did get divorce when daughter was around 15. Now in late 40s married an another woman who was never married. I know in most cases woman disagree to give divorce not because they want to live with abuser instead to make sure the abuser don't get a clean break and get to have second chance in married life, while the woman will be left to care children with no prospect of remarriage. I think it's fair that woman seeks to punish the man who spoiled her life by not giving a second chance to him in marriage scene.
     
    Meghaa, shama146 and Sunshine04 like this.
  2. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Gold IL'ite

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    As appalled as I am by this whole story, atleast she came out of it. filed a complaint, fought and got custody of her daughters and was badass enough to release this video, however late. Why she stayed so long and endured this, because our generation of women although educated with fancy degrees, we are thrown into the deep sea aka marriage and expected to learn olympic level swimming. Indian women are mostly clueless on how to set healthy boundaries in a relationship, how to take a firm stand when you need to, how to say no when something is unacceptable, and most importantly how to love and respect yourself enough not to settle and stay in an unhealthy relationship,

    @dhivyacc are you waiting for the day when you or your kids have a serious mental breakdown or are beaten badly to justify its bad enough to leave.. each day you r staying in this, you are depriving your children of a chance to live in a safe nurturing environment.
     
    Amica, winterhue, dhivyacc and 3 others like this.
  3. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    At times I wonder whether I am lucky or unlucky to live in a country like India. These incidents really proves that no matter how educated we become our mindset still remains primitive.

    Feel sorry for the poor kids as the mother said that he is a loving father. The kids suffer most in such cases.
     
  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Who are they punishing more? Themselves or the man? I think when women walk away and start leading good lives, slowly but surely things will change. It is still such a Herculean task for an Indian woman to walk out of a marriage even without adding artificial constraints on having to make the man pay and in the process hurting themselves and their children even more. As such, it is hard for kids when parents separate. Add to it a bitter legal battle where one person just won't let the other go because he/she will rebuild her life and that isn't considered fair. I've seen this happen in cases where women want to leave too - don't give her the divorce or hold her up in custody issues to just keep punishing her. Once a person has decided to leave, they should work towards a complete break and make it as clean as possible so the children don't continue to suffer.
     
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  5. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    There is an interview of her 4 months back .... she says that MIL is the main instigator and has issues and insecurities and husband obeyed her.... looks like they wanted get rid of her from the beginning of the marriage .... left her at parents house and parents dropped her back with out telling her that they are taking her to in-laws place ...

    Then again left her at parents place when she was 3 months pregnant and did not take her back till kid turned 9 months ....

    Then in one instance husband beat her in the car and drove her to her parents house beating her and beat her and her father too .... even after this she went back and her parents sent her back ...

    Never treated her well ... husband ended up beating her every week ... but she kept quite .... on the day the video happened , finally she started screaming for help and she was brought too Apollo .... even then the parents of the girl tried for reconciliation and the in laws refused and asked them to do what ever they want in spite of warning of medico legal case ....

    At this point they put up a case against the husband and in-laws ..


    She still thinks that she can stay with husband as father and mother because of kids ...

    I wish the parents cared more about their daughter than what ever they were caring for ....

    I wish we have counseling centers opened in every area to drill into our minds that staying with an abusive husband or unwanted marriage is not going to do any wonders to the children they will be the worst affected and will turn like either aggressor or abuse victims ....
     
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  6. IL86

    IL86 Silver IL'ite

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    Well in the case I mentioned the woman and daughter were living separately for more than 10 years, while the husband after multiple flings wanted to marry an unmarried woman who fell for him. She didn't give divorce for years because she knew he was waiting to marry the other woman soon after. They had no contact apart from lawyers, although I agree it's right to move on, till the time our society advances enough to give an equal chance of remarriage to women, I don't think I can blame that woman. While the man had chance of getting unmarried woman as wife, with a child and being in a small town society she had zero chance of remarriage. Can you really blame her while she is forced to live as single mother whole life, he got married and gets to live blissfully after marriage with his new wife. And he had hardly any contact with his daughter as well. I really sympathise with that woman only, she had only one chance which he ruined.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
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  7. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    The outcome of this is that more women would prefer a groom who isn't living with his parents.

    ''modern women broke the traditional large Indian family'' lol. This is like GST. One who is at the end of the flowchart gets to take the blame.
     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    "Live to Fight Another Day" is often the post-match locker room thing for a coach to say to encourage her team after a loss. Women suffering abuse at home, consider the various survival options in and out of marriage, and recognize this loss, and may decide to come back later.
     
  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    That is legally possible? A person "B" who is not living with spouse and who has contact with him only through lawyers can refuse to divorce the spouse for 10 years?

    Even if they are not cohabiting, the spouse who wants a divorce has no option but to hope that "B" will finally relent and agree to the divorce?

    Isn't there a time limit until which "B" can withhold a divorce while not living with spouse?
     
  10. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    Indian legal system has “laws” but execution can take “decades” in practice.
     

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