Le Charming Connections reignited!

Mega dear wonderful post, well narrated and congrats for the nomination. The fbs are also good. In life we like so many people from the opposite sex but we can marry only one person. While working we have some friends who match with our thinking and get friendly with them. Earlier we were not allowed to talk to any man . If we meet outside the office also we used to be like strangers. But now times have changed and we have to come across so many people .

 

Hi Mega,

Oh how I wish IL allowed more than 4 nominations.. I dont know how I missed this thread, but found it after I entered my nominations for this month..

Firstly, very well written, very thoughtful and very well handled..

I read your post about your friend, and I know what it feels when you experience something like this happen to a close friend.

I completely agree, there is an instinct, you can never not know what impression you are giving someone. I see some people in a relationship (read committed), look and behave like they are singles when in company of the opposite sex and mask it with the name of friendship..

Strange are the ways of man (as in human), we easily blame our work timings, stress etc etc but within we know it could be easily controlled. I think all this ends up in being conscious of every action we perform, 'knowing' that you are smiling when you are.. 'knowing' that you are laughing when you are..

For, I believe for someone who is really committed and in love, they can never flirt with someone else.... People may call me names, but this is my belief...

 

Dear Megalife, It is such a thoughtful and wonderful post post from you.I have see people in corporates particularly the "old" bosses who call the young women as "sweet heart" ,"darling" ,"love" and a lot of times hugs and kisses too.I think however cool or casual it is for the person(both) , it falls under "flirting".And to me flirting of any kind is unacceptable and unethical.JMO.I have seen the wife's of these bosses who are not so cool about it and infact have a grim face throughout in the parties looking at their hubby's behaviour.

Reading your post leaves me with a qn.Is there a real neccessity for this "harmless" flirting?And how can one ensure that it does not hurt(in the sense that the other person receives in a proper manner) the other person or his/her spouse?

 

REally sad story

This is really good post with valid points....you said it again ...women are the ones who can control and put things in order...just based on our behaviour many things around us change...

I appreciate if married women also follow this...I see many married women do this too...so called harmless flirting/giggling/touching/hugging in the name of being a friend.

 

JAG and Mega,

I completely understand your points. Like I said in my post, you never know how the other person would take it. And I've also mentioned JAG, that a physical signal when you don't need to convey one is not right.

You speak about corporate flirting. I agree, that is a malignant problem. I also agree the girl from your college should not have used the boy that way. But here is what I am trying to add to it.

The boy, after being warned should have thought twice. Yes, the girl should have had a little more sense than to slay him that way. What happens in schools or colleges comes out of naivety too. But when you come to a corporate atmosphere, people should be able to understand these are hazards they would face. Not just in the west, I am talking about India too. Women and men have to be more aware and must be able to safeguard themselves. You cannot go around teaching every person the rights and wrongs all the time.

I understand there are many who are genuinely unaware of these things, but I do think movies say a lot..A LOT these days, and learning a few useful things from them isn't really difficult. Like shown in movies, a girl flicking her plaits and a guy smoking a cigar very stylishly is also seen as flirting. But at the same time she getting used and being discarded by the same guy is also shown. Why not remember that??

I now speak from my own experience. I have seen many girls in my college days flirt and INVITE unnecessary trouble too. Sometimes the guys get hurt, sometimes these girls themselves do. But in many ways I find that people who aren't even flirting too fall victim to being branded.

I've seen it happen to quite a few friends - especially the pretty ones and I know for a fact they weren't even trying anything.
ME..I was a genuine Thair sadha - Cud rice - one who is blissfully unaware of what's really happening around them. I was open and really did not know how to differentiate between talking to a man or a woman. I still am like that. My husband knows me very well and he knows I am like that. I know my limits, but I do not shy away easily. But I was branded to be one of those people who'll run away with someone or the other. It was very painful to hear that from friends and even their moms. People came forward saying hurtful comments. I'd only shrug it away saying these guys only needed something to munch on. How could my confidence be misunderstood as flirting, I could never understand. But that is how many people see it.

Friend's husband, colleague, neighbour...anyone is capable of assuming your easy going nature is the same as inviting them to take it to the next step.

All I am saying is this too happens.

Finally enough I have to be the one to know this and learn to protect myself. I can't go and tell each of these guys to behave themselves. Can't really expect them to change..can I? They are adults and they should know better. All I can do is ignore their rather petty behaviour and learn to stay away (if possible) or get stronger and know how to handle them if at all another situation arises. That seems a lot more easier and more practical than wishing that never happened at all.

 

What you've posted here is a really interesting topic. And a very important one to learn from in this day and age. I would never deny it.
This is just my contribution from my own experience.

 

Tanu

yep the situation you mentioned also happens...but i guess sometimes we have to make it clear with words n actions to the other person....we all know when someone shows us that type of interest or flirts iwth us isnt it?? then why encourage it in the name of friend...rather just say it openly after you observe this behaviour for couple of times. I mean atleast we will save someones life/marriage by doing this...if we think its other duty or everyone has to take care of how they behave...sometimes when someone is in that type of blind love...they dont see it clearly...(in the situation that Mega has explained...the guy didnt see the red signls because he was blinded by his affection n love for that woman...) if only the woman would have told him he is just a friend and he cant be more than that..t.hings would hav ebeen different...or atleast just decreasing the time she spent with him and avoiding him would have done some good for this guy....rather she let him think what he wants to..so that it benefits her (or not)...in the end...the guy lost his precious future.

 

Dear Tanoshi
Very valid points. There are jerks everywhere ....both at workplace and in our own social circles. The guy u wrote about is one.They just need an excuse to 'cross the line'.Glad u could put him in place.

 

You see SV, that is the thing. I never said anyone led him on in the name of being friends. Who in their sane mind would do it??
But some people are just that way.

You think his wife will even bother if I spoke to him about it? I know for a fact that I would be the one blamed for casting an untrue story to belittle her husband, even if she knew what I said was true. That is her blind love for him and I would not want to interfere into that. He is a male chauvinist who would never change and would only make such matters worse by blaming others.

I also know unless someone does make a comment about it to him or her, this would be ignored and that is the easier way to handle some situations. With time one learns how to be around these people. So like I mentioned, it comes down to me handling myself and others right to save complications.

 

I do not know whether this is off the topic.Another type of flirting I hate is the Hubby - wife's sister(generally the younger ones) pulling each other's leg.I somehow cannot stand this.I am not sure how many of you have seen this.I have seen a lot of this going beyond limit too.