Karma!! We Will Face For Sure. Lets Be Aware Of It!!

Archana11 · Jan 1, 2018

Hello All,
Wishing you a happy new year. Posting after long long time. My last post was in 2016, update on: Sil pregnant again. This was closed by the moderaters as I did not know the truth and posted only on assumption.
After my sil got abortion for the second time, i got pregnant and moved out of my fil house and stayed with my parents. My DH moved to US on H1B. Before leaving fil house we had big fight with my SIL about business for which we have paid so that she will get settled instead she got pregnant and left the business and total money was lost. She left to her in- laws house and had abortion for not eating properly. We had no talks with her. Actually she was not willing to talk with us. This happened in Sep 2015. I delivered baby girl on may 27th 2016. My DH came in Aug and we had cradle ceremony. He tried to call and speak to her from US but she did not pick the call by seeing foreign number. DH asked me to come with him to her house and to say sorry. I said no as i dint do anything wrong. He said for his sake i have to come. He begged. I said i will come but will keep quite. However after going there not only i said sorry but even touched her feet. She came to the cradle ceremony but did not talk much. Next week it was her house warming ceremony. My co-sister was on periods so i was asked to take vodi biyyam. It was not even 3 months after my delivery but I had to get up midnight, take headbath and took vodibiyyam by 4 am which was the muhurtham, the time for her house warming ceremony. After reaching there she dint even ask me when did i came or how did i manage leaving my 2 months old and 3 years old with my parents. My DH left to US the next day and the day after was her twin daughters saree function as they were 12 years. She did not talk much still i attended the function because my fil kept on calling me to come asap. After 2 months one of her daughter admitted in hospital and fil informed me and i visited her. In Feb 2017 i travelled to US and before leaving,called her many times to inform but she did not pick my call. In turn my fil called and said wont you inform sil, i said called her but she did not pick. He said try again. This time she picked, might be he told her to talk to me. Any way i was in US and in march we got to know she was pregnant again. Again!!!!!! Fil infomed my husband and said might be 4 or 5th month. But she delivered full term on Apr2nd 2017 through C-Section. A Boy!!! At last her dream has come true. All relatives were shocked. They dont know abt her pregnancy. Little guy was healthy and has two 13yrs old twin sisters to play. My DH sent lots of clothes, creams, shoes and what not. I asked him( lol not asked argued) why he is so much intrested in her when she does not respect me or how she created past issues, he says its for new born. Ok, ok, ok. Hmmm. I was asking god why was he so sweet with a lady who aborted twice ( well first one i was sure but not sure about second one) for boy and does not give a **** to her brothers or bhabi’s or even father. For her housewarming she demanded gold and money. My fil literally cried in front of all his relatives on my babies cradle ceremony.. relatives even tried to convince her but failed. He had to spend almost 2lakhs ( he is retired pvt emplyee with 1500 pension, earning some amt on kirana store). She has all happiness in this world. I was asking god again and again. Then god said you dont need to ask or think about this. There is a thing called KARMA. It will take care of everything. My SIL husband was diagnosed CKD ( kidney failed 83%) in November. On dialysis alternate day and no match for donar from family. Hospitals not accepting donar except from family. Life has come to a pause to her with two twin girls of 13 yrs and and 9 months old, house EMI, House expenses and kids expenses. Now I fear about KARMA. This new year i will not hurt or do anything bad even unintentionally. Dont want to face KARMA.
Happy New Year!!!
Now I welcome all positive and negative even comments about my bad attitute.

Sandycandy · Jan 1, 2018

There is no karma ! But don’t let it stop you from wishing well for others.

Happy new year ! Hope your SIL’s husband finds a donor soon. I hope you pray for her.

Rihana · Jan 1, 2018

Archana11 said: ↑

Now I welcome all positive and negative even comments about my bad attitute.
Click to expand...

Hard to decline such a spirited invite. : )

1. Saying sorry and touching feet though you had planned to go but keep quiet -- bad move. Your sorry and feet touching gave SIL a wrong impression, did not get you any positive reward, not even any brownie points with husband. You were on to something with the "will keep quiet" resolution. Often, an entire village cannot do much harm to a person who is silent by choice.

2. Vodi biyyam, head bath in the middle of the night -- again, you got no positive return on it, and no personal satisfaction either of having done your duty. Politely refusing to do it, preceded by keeping quiet when you went to her house, would have started to show others that you can take the high road without letting them walk all over you.

3. Arguing/discussing with husband about gifts he is sending to nephew: Again, no tangible gain for you except for the very temporary satisfaction of having made a point. Sending gifts to newborn nephew or niece is a sweet life milestone. You spoilt it for husband. Could have just kept quiet. Do you see a theme beginning to form here about being quiet at certain times?

4. Karma -- This is a tough one. First off, look up "karma, law of averages" and "law of large numbers" to get another view of karma. Karma is a convenient way of explaining things and also a good informal personal edict to fear and live by. If your SIL's current misery brings you some conclusion to some questions or unresolved hurt, feelings, so be it. You are human. Leave it at that. Try not to gloat over it in your mind, and do not present it again and again to husband; he already is aware, most likely. Beyond that, it is up to you. How much hurt and mental agony she caused you, how forgiving you are, and so on. Generally speaking, do not kick a person who is down. Perhaps, this is another time to follow the "keep quiet" resolution. The most eloquent "I told you so" is the silent one.

The bad times you faced, could they also have been karma? No way to know for sure. Better to take this karma business a little lightly. Like salt in a dish, use as needed.

Your resolution, is a good one. Happy New Year.

Archana11 · Jan 1, 2018

Rihana said: ↑

Hard to decline such a spirited invite. : )

1. Saying sorry and touching feet though you had planned to go but keep quiet -- bad move. Your sorry and feet touching gave SIL a wrong impression, did not get you any positive reward, not even any brownie points with husband. You were on to something with the "will keep quiet" resolution. Often, an entire village cannot do much harm to a person who is silent by choice.

2. Vodi biyyam, head bath in the middle of the night -- again, you got no positive return on it, and no personal satisfaction either of having done your duty. Politely refusing to do it, preceded by keeping quiet when you went to her house, would have started to show others that you can take the high road without letting them walk all over you.

3. Arguing/discussing with husband about gifts he is sending to nephew: Again, no tangible gain for you except for the very temporary satisfaction of having made a point. Sending gifts to newborn nephew or niece is a sweet life milestone. You spoilt it for husband. Could have just kept quiet. Do you see a theme beginning to form here about being quiet at certain times?

4. Karma -- This is a tough one. First off, look up "karma, law of averages" and "law of large numbers" to get another view of karma. Karma is a convenient way of explaining things and also a good informal personal edict to fear and live by. If your SIL's current misery brings you some conclusion to some questions or unresolved hurt, feelings, so be it. You are human. Leave it at that. Try not to gloat over it in your mind, and do not present it again and again to husband; he already is aware, most likely. Beyond that, it is up to you. How much hurt and mental agony she caused you, how forgiving you are, and so on. Generally speaking, do not kick a person who is down. Perhaps, this is another time to follow the "keep quiet" resolution. The most eloquent "I told you so" is the silent one.

The bad times you faced, could they also have been karma? No way to know for sure. Better to take this karma business a little lightly. Like salt in a dish, use as needed.

Your resolution, is a good one. Happy New Year.
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Thanks for reply Rihana.
From the day I came to US, Im not happy. I told to my husband how her sister insulted me by not talking to me. As a host its minimun curtesy to talk to guests. He just listens and does what he wants to do. He still talks to her. She does not even asks about me or my kids when he calls her. My DH does not care. When i ask him about this he says he is doing his duty of calling and talking, even he does not like it. This makes my mouth shut.
Few days back when we were arguing as usual about his sister he said, if something happens to her husband( death), he will take complete responsibility of her and kids.
Now i dont even pray god for me and my kids. I just pray he should be ok. He should be ok. Thats it. My new year wish he should be healthy and ok. I cannot take any more stress.
Thanks.

Archana11 · Jan 1, 2018

Sandycandy said: ↑

There is no karma ! But don’t let it stop you from wishing well for others.

Happy new year ! Hope your SIL’s husband finds a donor soon. I hope you pray for her.
Click to expand...

Hi Sandycandy,

Yes i do pray for her. My life also depends on her life now.
If anything happens to her husband my husband will take decisions for which me and my kids will suffer. For sure I know that.

MonikaSG · Jan 1, 2018

@Archana11

My words and advise may not suit your thoughts but still I am saying what I feel. Right or wrong I think like that.

First thing is we are born with a family. No matter how good or bad they are its our duty and responsibility to take care of them. I don't find any wrong in your H's thinking.

Don't be so over possessive. You will lose your self control and will lose the trust of your husband too. Try to support him instead of informing about his faults.

You said sorry and touched the feet that was the best thing to do. No matter how wrong our elders are they will remain our elders. And touching feets bring a little positivity even not expressed. Elder is bound to give blessings irrespective of their choice. Younger ones just can give the respect and should never question them or argue with them. That's what my life taught me.

As far as karma is there everything is predestined on its basis. We can't make the situation according to our wish. We can only adjust to it. The more negative you think about it the more it will harm you negatively. Be positive about whatever you get you will be able to survive with peace.

Taking care of your sil's family in any circumstance is the duty of her family and they should do this without thinking about the return that they will get.

You should be thankful that you have a loving husband and kids too. Don't make your life suffer due to her suffering. Let the brother help his sister as the way he want. Don't come in between.

Accepting and thinking positive is the only way I found if one has to live with peace. Fighting and struggling with the thoughts all the time takes away our mental peace and hence put us into trouble. Rest you are your own well wisher. We can just suggest and leave the rest on you.

Archana11 · Jan 1, 2018

MonikaSG said: ↑

@Archana11

My words and advise may not suit your thoughts but still I am saying what I feel. Right or wrong I think like that.

First thing is we are born with a family. No matter how good or bad they are its our duty and responsibility to take care of them. I don't find any wrong in your H's thinking.

Don't be so over possessive. You will lose your self control and will lose the trust of your husband too. Try to support him instead of informing about his faults.

You said sorry and touched the feet that was the best thing to do. No matter how wrong our elders are they will remain our elders. And touching feets bring a little positivity even not expressed. Elder is bound to give blessings irrespective of their choice. Younger ones just can give the respect and should never question them or argue with them. That's what my life taught me.

As far as karma is there everything is predestined on its basis. We can't make the situation according to our wish. We can only adjust to it. The more negative you think about it the more it will harm you negatively. Be positive about whatever you get you will be able to survive with peace.

Taking care of your sil's family in any circumstance is the duty of her family and they should do this without thinking about the return that they will get.

You should be thankful that you have a loving husband and kids too. Don't make your life suffer due to her suffering. Let the brother help his sister as the way he want. Don't come in between.

Accepting and thinking positive is the only way I found if one has to live with peace. Fighting and struggling with the thoughts all the time takes away our mental peace and hence put us into trouble. Rest you are your own well wisher. We can just suggest and leave the rest on you.
Click to expand...

Thanks Monika. I agree and accept all the points.
Just for more information about touching the feet... i agree touching the feet of elders brings positivity with there blessings. Here my SIL is younger to me and my husband.

MonikaSG · Jan 1, 2018

Archana11 said: ↑

Thanks Monika. I agree and accept all the points.
Just for more information about touching the feet... i agree touching the feet of elders brings positivity with there blessings. Here my SIL is younger to me and my husband.
Click to expand...

Its OK then too. You shown your great behaviour and leave rest to her. She will suffer if she will be negative you yourself don't be negative about anything to keep you away from any sufferings.
Either keep struggling to change the whole world or struggle within yourself to change your own world.

yellowmango · Jan 1, 2018

Welcome back to the forum op and wishing you a very happy new year.

Don't depend on karma to take care of things .
You don't have to have relations with people who behave badly with you even if they are family. You cannot stop your husband but you do not have to have relations with that girl killer sil of your. Make it clear to your husband.

You do not have to touch feet of people you don't have to and specially younger people.

When we bow down to people who are bad to us...it just gives them encouragement to continue to behave badly with not only us but other people.

Taking abuse is as bad as giving it.

As for her husband...may God give him good health .
You please start to safe guard your and your childs future. Ask your husband to start investing for your future. Tell him to invest in property on joint names. Ask him to start college fund and retirement funds. You save money and invest in gold or mutual funds.
After that let him do what he wants.

Do not have any more kids . If he is going to take responsibility of his ' killer' sister and her brood..you make sure your kid and you are taken care of first.

Best wishes op.....you need to disconnect emotionally from his sister.
Pray for his recovery but don't let his sister live in your head.
Try to stay busy and plan to safe guard your future.

pinky2cute · Jan 1, 2018

My views are totally same as yellowmango.
You make sure you and your kids are secured first then let your dh deal with his sister n her breed if at all the need arises.
Touching feet and apologising that too to the one who is younger than you is totally not worth it.
Elder or younger, if they don't stay in their limits or if they cause you hurt and do wrong, THEY ARE NOT FAMILY.
If your dh is so attached, let him be..but you don't have to go out of your way and do things for such people.

Abiut karma, well i can feel you. Though we do not voluntarily wish for bad of anyone.... Sometimes when someone hurts you repeatedly for years, and later when they go through any rough patch in life, its natural to feel that they deserve it for all the bad they did.
It doesn't mean you should feel guilty for feeling like that. You are a human too.
Just hope that he recovers soon as end of the day there are 3 innocent kids who would missout on father's presence n love in their tender age.