It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his back?

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

I'm just confused.. why just MEN? Why not any individual in the subject line?

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

it is not certainly possible to lose your memory temporarily , i mean ... it is a serious medical condition to lose memory ... then comming back to normal state is close to immpossible

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

His and lot many mothers also feel that they're going to live with their son until they depart.. .they dont count your or me existing in their son's life..... They feel exactly as ... why shud the wife be brainwashing HIS son.
Its a conflict of opinion between DIL n MIL.

Sadly......... indian men have to sail in 2 boats or the warring parties..... and the ultimatum to them to get lost by either is painful.. esp when their sperm has resulted into THEIR offspring as well.

You know he's not strong and thats another reason the marriage is still on... if strong women get married to equally strong headed men... then their mutual differences are more damaging than anything else...
Not so strong men can tolerate strong women... cos they bore one or many.. as wife and sis in all those years of upbringing.

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

Tugga, you've been a very strong lady from what I've read so far and its really good to see you trying to work things out now with your husband.

I agree with Shilpama. Its almost inexplicable, but its something every man might have to face in his life. Especially Indian men. Handling two women - wife and mother, is never easy. What ever the past has taught, one might never be able to pick who deserves the more and who less. Even the most intelligent men would find it hard to settle the differences amicably between them. If your husband were in his normal state, he would try too.

But from your posts I understand that he is unable to cope with it and he is just shrinking into this dark place within himself denying himself (if that is possible) the reality of the situation. Guilt could be a major reason.

I agree you are his wife and his present means to a peaceful life. And looks like he is also trying to understand it and slowly make changes, as slow as they may appear. But I would not believe that he would be able to cut his parents off for good, what ever he says and how ever he says it. At most you can live away from them and make sure they stay where they are.

He definitely needs help though. I know everyone's been saying the same thing. And I know from my own experience that its not an easy task getting him to agree to counselling. But any how he needs it.
Forget about his looks or the changes he's brought upon with all this negative energy. It is hard to see a person being that way after you've seen him in his prime. But he will get back to it all once he gains a bit more confidence.

Now that your child is with your mother, why don't you guys take a trip? A few days away from home and begin it as a fresh chapter. You have done really well reminding him of the good years. And just hold on a little longer and make sure he follows you this time when you go forward with your lives. He might take some time, but am sure he will give it a try soon.

Wish you all the best dear.

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

Hi Tugga,
This is the first post of urs that I am reading and I dont know ur past. But, reading the current situation, I see that your H has pretty much realized that the money given by him to his parents trustfully, has not been saved or invested properly. He can't go back and fight with his parents for this and also, it would be very difficult for him to let his parents down in front of you. You shld be happy that he has realized how careless he had been so far and I am sure in future he will trust you for the decisions which you both will take together. I dont think as such there could be any memory loss issue. He is just not able to give up and admit all his faults to you, though he has done it partially. I think his ego is already hurt enough and thats why he is not able to take care of himself well anymore. But, its ur duty now to support him and bring him back to normal. Ur marriage life is more important than money. So, let go the past and plan the future well with ur husband. You have a long way to go and live happily in ur life. All the best !!

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

Tugga, I do not think your husband has forgotten what he did with such a huge amount of money. He is simply hiding the truth from you. I have seen my husband do that several times. He will hide things from me about his parents and sister so that I don't get to know their reality. Yes Indian men are spineless when it comes to making a stand against their parents and siblings. Even if it harms relations with their wives in the long run they wud still choose to hide stuff. You need to accept this reality and be very careful with your hard earned money. It is a real possibility that your mil will move in with you so you need to make sure your husband does not at any cost have access to your accounts.In my opinion your mil is eager to get more money out of you. Be careful. The money they have taken from you earlier is a life changing amount in India. So be firm and do not give in to any ridiculous demands.