It has been only 1 year and already seperated

NewlyWedMan · Jan 16, 2015

I am a 30 year old man and i married a rather young woman. since marriage we have petty fights where sometimes i acted foolishly out of inexperience and my wife did too. All this aside my mother in law and father in law seems to be terrible people. They keep feeding my wife that my family members are not good people. occasionally she would aggravate my wife to go and bang on other people doors when we fight. she keeps putting ideas in her head that i may have an affair. she keeps telling that when ever we have fight she should just ignore everything and start treating me as a room mate and not really bother about it too much. I have wised up and stopper fighting with her about petty things but i could never convince her that my parents are good people and every one loves her so much and want nothing more than happiness. I always ask if she has any problems with in-laws and she could freely discuss with me. I also told her that what ever problem she may have could discuss with me openly even if it involves sex but she would never open her mouth or explain me her problems or even give me a hint about them but she keeps fighting with me and call me names and insults me. What can do to make her understand the reality and be calm and not react abruptly all the time and accuse my family of everything. I know i am little vague but my main question is how to make her realize that her parents are giving her wrong guidance.

armummy · Jan 16, 2015

Try marriage counseling in a professional setup.

steve · Jan 16, 2015

why convince her of her parents or your parents? Why can't you both keep the parents out of it unless you live with parents.

Give it a fresh start. Forget about resetting her views on your folks and you also don't say anything about her folks. If you fight, just deal with the issue and don't go poking as to where the idea came from. Its not important. What's important is that your wife bought it. So deal with it. All your hubbies should learn that life is better when it's "always their fault". You are newly married, have fun, don't make war! There is a lot of time for it

Akanksha1982 · Jan 16, 2015

Go out with her at a far away place from all the disturbances. Work with her on listing out all the issues and create a plan as to what each one would do to handle those situation. Make sure you go out for sufficient time so that she has to confront the issues and participate in the discussion. Include romantic time as well. Make some ground rules, discussion in the morning, site seeing and lighter romantic evenings. Pamper her during the trip.

Rise · Jan 16, 2015

Only you both just move to a rented place - if you both stay with parents or inlaws ... just keep the parents and in laws out of your marriage during the first few years.... u need not tell her your parents are the best and you need not listen to it tht her parents are the best ..... cause my parents are the best

When she comes fighting just give her a big tight hug and say lets work it out ... just you and me.. no papa no mama ....

indoc · Jan 16, 2015

I saw many couples who fight when they live with PILs, especially if DIL starts to stay with in-laws from Day 1 of the marriage...

best option is for the couple to stay alone for couple of years or more.. this will increase understanding, bonding etc..

Building relationship is a process and it takes time and effort from both sides.. PILs and parents with their stupid inputs will more often ruin this process..

Rephrasing what Pink Floyd says in brick in the wall.. "hey parents leave them kids alone..."

yellowmango · Jan 16, 2015

OP...you can do your part by not forcing her to accept the goodness of your family. She is an adult...she can experience it on her own.If they are good to her ...she will know.

If you can do that...then only you can ask her to not bring her parents into the relationship.

The fights can't be non serious tiffs if she needs to bang on neighbors doors. It is pretty embarrassing to band on doors and say...we are having little fight .It has to be something big .Try to find your faults too.

I would love to hear her point of view....

poovai · Jan 16, 2015

occasionally she would aggravate my wife to go and bang on other people doors when we fight.
Click to expand...

Doesn't matter, whose says to do, if she does it she cannot be normal. I would question her sanity, a hysteria case? Before she lands you in a police station for her insanely action, walk away. Sooner or later, she will put in trouble for her mental instability.