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It’s We Who End Up Alone...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Feb 13, 2020.

  1. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    If we distance negative people we dont become lonely, we become happy. Why is sad emotion ( lonely etc) seeping in when we are getting rid of bad energy?. Well, this might happen if we are used to the negative energy and wont let go, we want it to keep us engaged.

    Keep ok distance ( I do too) and dont think too much about it.

    Taking negative people off and trying to be with generally positive ones is what many do for a good vibe.(you can always catch 2-3 neat friends over the years).
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2020
  2. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    Isn't the Karma we all fear? You are encouraging your husband to do your duties towards them. Also trying your kid to be involved with them. I don't think you have anything to worry about the karma.
    Do your duties, responsibilities etc etc... But be aware of the fact that they are not your greatest of cheerleaders,so you won't hurt yourself.. Be detachly attached. The goal is emotional self defense.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Beautiful. Applies to many relationships.
     
    hermitcrab, deepthyanoop and anika987 like this.
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    There is lots of hope and lots of joy. Alone does not mean lonely.
     
    deepthyanoop, Amulet and anika987 like this.
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    I told you to forget the summer camps and book tickets to go to India. Never delay on good moves. : )

    Anika, another lovely thread. Nice short but thoughtful responses which wouldn't be there if you didn't start the thread.
     
  6. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    :icon_pc::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

    upload_2020-2-14_8-2-1.png

    Source: Vikram Aur Betaal - Wikipedia
    According to the legend the King Vikramaditya, in order to fulfil a vow, was required to remove a corpse of Betaal from a treetop and carry it on his shoulder to another place in silence. En route, the spirit of Betaal (in the corpse) used to narrate a story to the king and after completing the story Betaal would pose a query that if he (The king) knew the answer, was bound to respond lest he will break his head into thousand pieces. But if he does speak out, he would break the vow of silence and Betaal would fly back to the treetop, leaving the king inches short of his destination! The king would go after the vampire and start all over again. And so on and on.​
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2020
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks Rihana:)
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    A nice message for Valentine's day.:blush:
     
    anika987 likes this.
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Life is different as we grow older and mature.
    A decade back, living with MIL (be it at my home or her home) was a nightmare for me. Because she had all the control of the household & the people. I was expected to be a subordinate, a slave or a silent spectator to be sane in life.
    It was difficult, and regardless of various attempts to be in the good books of PILs, I miserably failed as a person, as a wife, as a mom and of course as a DIL back then.
    That's when I realized my sanity is more important. If I am happy and peaceful, I can spread the same to all.

    Don't worry much about this Karma thing. It is so confusing.
    You may earn negative karma if you chose to stay on your ground - which may seem disrespectful for your mean PILs.
    You may earn good karma if you numb your self and take all their disrespects. But, that can cause you silent mental health issues.
    It comes with adverse side effects, that one day you may end up being so negative, nagging, and unloving. This can cause heartaches to your family. Causing this, you may earn negative karma too.

    Either way, chances are there for you to earn negative karma. Why take the rough path?

    A decade after marriage, everything is different.
    I have fullest control over my home and my people in life.
    If PILs come over, they can enjoy their stay here as guests. But the home remains mine.
    It makes a lot of difference.

    Eg: If MIL wants to cook her favorite dish, she is free to cook. Even I can help her in the kitchen if she wants. But she has to follow whatever my kitchen standards. (cleaning, usage of vessels, etc..)
    If FIL wants to take the kids to part or feed them, they are free to do so. But they still need to follow my parenting standards, i.e less sugar, no street food, no play after 6.30 pm, not more than 1 hr screen time etc...

    By this, I make sure that I have the fullest control over my family


    Dear @anika987
    Your PILs are visiting YOUR HOME in the US. It is your place, your people, your country etc...
    They are just the visitors. Treat them respectfully, but don't lose your place.
    If MIL wants to cook a special dinner, let her occupy the kitchen. But she must follow your standards at your kitchen.
    If MIL wants to feed the child or go out with her, let her take that privilege. But she must follow your parenting rule
    Eg: No sugar, no play after 6.30pm, must go to prayer room at 7.pm etc...
    This way, no matter what you still have the fullest control over your life and your home.
     
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  10. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Karma is technically what is passed down to you in the cosmic sense. I think you mean dharma, and trying to follow your duty and therefore not compounding bad karma for your future lifetimes. Karma isn’t something immediate, it is already integrated within your current life.

    Understanding what is your dharma.... that’s the real challenge. Because on one hand, you have to responsibility of your role in life... but we are all simultaneously playing many roles, and some of them require conflicting actions. So how do we know which is the right one? We don’t, you can only try to be as good and as fair to those around you. Sometimes, this means treating yourself unfairly and hurting yourself in the process. That is also against dharma. There is a specific level of selfishness you need to embrace for you to be capable of completing your dharma.
     
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