Issues Due to a friend

HI,
I could not resist posting here ..
Me and DH are just like u guys who cannot say No I'm one step better than him just like u will not allow ppl to take advantage of me .

I had many similar indicents . Once I saw an Indian lady in grocery stores stugging to carry her bags with a 1 yr old baby so I told her I will help her and later I came to know that she came to store by walking so I offered her ride back to her apartment .Me and DH finished our shopping and took her in our car to her appartment . Her husband opened the door and started instructing me and DH to keep the things here and there and dint step out of their door step.The lady was carrying her baby .We were so irritaited to the core .
We thought wounderful ppl . Husband sent wife and baby to shopping by walking in the cold EC Winter and they dont have car since they never felt the need for it since all the things are in the walkable distance from their appartment including her husband office .
They thought everytime they will get bakra like us .We laugh at us when we discuss that incident .

I dont understand why some ppl dont get a car which is a necessary in USA . They get cheap car from 2000$ or cheaper than that . that too its double income family what's the problem in getting a car for 2000$.

Now coming to ur points buying car is a dream but not paying for fuel so next time while filling fuel tell them u forgot ur card and ask them to pay for the fuel do that twice or trice they will feel bus is cheaper than ur car.

Try to borrow so household stuff often from them this will make them irritaited and also tell them u are coming to their house for Lunch on weekend .

Reagrds,
Nigu.

 

Nigu, this is off topic but I am kinda shocked at your story. Esp that husband who sent baby and mom shopping in the winter. He must have calculated that baby's presence will compel some good samaritan to offer a ride. Cant imagine the man's cold heartedness to risk baby health in bad weather for such a reason. Sickening!

 

Oh God I cant stand people of this kind. I dont know how you are bearing with these guys.

It ll only create emotional stress when you cannot have your own private time. My God, I can imagine how it will get on the nerves.
Do you really want these kind of friends? (I m sorry for such a question. But that's how it seems to be)

Helping is good but they cant rob you of the private time and be selfish in turn. I m really sorry, its high time, you need to see that these guys start standing on their own legs.

 

This clearly indicates that these ppl are taking advantage of you.Please talk to your husband and put a fullstop for all this .
Is there any way for you to take the car to ur office atlest to the staion , dropping ur husband + 2 at their work place so that on the way back if they dont maintain their timing ask all three including ur husband to travel by bus .When they come home give only food to that lady since carrying and give some bread or fruits to her husband .

@Sandhya .. That man opened the door dint step out to take their groceries too since its cold outside we were like coolie taking all their things inside the high thing he was asking us take the things from hall to kitchen . We were laughing after that indicent to think how big bakra was us .

Some people are like that were we need to explictely draw line to show them their limits .

 

Malar,

I am really shocked to read of the card incident. This guy seems to be something else only. Be careful. You can easily say NO and cut the ties but this guy seems to be the type who talks too much and spreads bad name. Suppose you do that and this guy spreads wrong thing about you at office? Eg., just for you asking for help in kitchen he took it to office and made unnecessary statement against you. You have to deal this guy tactfully, as you two are also new to this area you two shd not unnecessarily get a bad name becos of this guy and his loose mouth. So I advise to try subtle way of getting rid of them first. The two couples should part ways amicably. When All else fails then you try the cut off approach.

You are at the start of your life so I advise you to be little picky in choosing your friends. Just helping because someone asks is causing you so much problems. You have to be a little choosy and selective. This too is a test -- about drawing correct boundaries.

Since you are helping so much, you need not feel shy to ask him to pay up his share of the restaurant money. The trick is to bring it up then and there, make joking comments throughout the meal that they will be paying for their share and resolve the issue in a light way. Like you asked him if he got his card etc. Dont suppress and build up and then have one big showdown. For better or worse, you are stuck with them in the same bldg, etc. THe trick is to carefully and slowly extract yourself from this situation. You have to start speaking up and letting him know his limit whenever the situation arises. Right then, just say it, in the flow, lightly, with a smile but let him know he has crossed the limit. Dont say and then back off. Like you did for the help in kitchen and then backed off. This will make him bolder. Make them understand their limits.

Also dont let them monopolize your time so much. Make other friends, broaden your friend circle and go out separately with some other people. Then you can use that as an excuse to avoid these two.