Issues Due to a friend

Your husband sounds like my dad i.e. until my mom set him right! Had it been for me, I'd have bought/borrowed two dobermans and let them loose after this couple. It's always good to help people but not when they start taking you for granted. Diplomacy is a weapon I use with people I like, not such ungrateful people who think my personal time and space has no value.

 

I really hate people who say this crap! You can get a car for as cheap as 2500-3000 bucks in this country... It might not be very reliable, but it will serve the purpose... So blaming the visa situation is total BS!

Like, CJ said, renting is a good option too, and is safe, but a bit expensive, and again solves this purpose...

 

Wow, now THAT'S waaaay out of line! I think it is time for you and your DH to sit down and discuss how to handle this situation. If both of you are in agreement, you can be assured that you will not have any misunderstanding between the two of you.

1. Like I said earlier, tell that guy to get his license ASAP and get his own transport as you find the timings clashing a lot and it is affecting your personal plans.
2.The next time they land uninvited for dinner, serve them tea and biscuits...and sit in the living room and don't move an inch to prepare dinner (word of advice: eat/snack well so that you can play the "waiting game" without getting famished and giving in! lol)..you can also drop them off first at their home before driving to your place...sometimes you can indicate that you have guests coming in for dinner...am sure you can come up with many other excuses.
3. Yes, a pregnant woman needs some care and understanding...but it is her husband's responsibility to provide for her comfort and care, not YOURS. Make it very clear that you can take her to the hospital in case of an emergency or during those rare instances when her husband is tied up with work. STOP taking her to the hospital every other day...tell that guy to take a cab or rent a car.

If all of these tactics fail (yes, there are some prize characters out there who will either brush it off or will simply not get the hints), then you and your DH (or your DH alone) have to make it clear that you have helped the best way you can and you have valid reasons to believe that you are being taken for a ride. Say you're sorry it has come to this but you simply cannot accommodate their daily needs anymore. Good luck!

 

Malar,

If you are going to India in March, then it is easy! Tell his wife when you are in the kitchen together, when I am gone, I expect you to call my DH for breakfast lunch and dinner every day and take good care of him like I am taking care of you. Give her long list of things that he will eat and wont eat etc. If they look blank say why we are taking care now what's wrong cant you help him? That's it, they will soon find excuses to not come to your house from now itself.

Stick to your point. Even your Dh cant fault you for your concern of him. Tell them oh I am concerned that he shd get a home-cooked meal. If your dh objects in front of them and say oh that is not necessary, point out to them and say, see his nature, he does not want to inconvenience others no matter how much he is suffering, he goes out of his way to not impose, see even to come for one day he will hesitate so much because he does not want to impose etc. Just go on and on about it, and praise him continuously. Indirectly you are faulting them about what they are doing and no one cant fault you or get angry becos you are only praising your husband. Max all they can say wow you really love your hubby and you reply then and there Yes I do. He has such a good, helpful and trusting nature. I feel bad if people dont appreciate him for his goodness and take advantage.

 

Also, malar, keep in mind, that subtle indicators dont work with people who are conscious free-loaders. They know what they are doing, and want to continue doing that. So you being subtle/indicative may not solve the problem. Try to be open, and starting saying NO. A firm NO. Not once but 10 times. You dont owe them an explanation. Its your car, your privacy and your money. They may ask you 10 times, and tell them a strong, NO everytime you feel you are going out of the way. Hope, they learn their lesson, the 11th time atleast! GL, malar!