Is it a crime to have an only child?

Hi all,

Whether to have a 2nd child or not is totally a personal choice, others need not interfere at all. In case of your parents or ILs, atleast can understand their interest in the decision but neighbours, relatives and so called friends - its none of their business.
My case
I personally never had to experience loneliness as we were 2 sisters and me and my immediate sis is only 2 yrs diff.
We were always together for playing, going to school, friends etc everything. Yes there were jelousy, fights etc but end of the day no one else could say anything bad about of either of us. Not even our husbands can say anything bad about the sis

My husband's case

My inlaws were of the opinion tht have one child and give him the best. And they did that too. Best school, best clothes, best food - everything best. But he was a lonely child and it affects him till date. He cant mingle with other people easily, he cant be part of a group. His parents were so busy earning money to give him the best things, they overlooked his loneliness. Since he had to be a good boy, he was not allowed to mix with naughty boys and were given games, toys, computer everything to spend time. Though he had cousins, they were more attached to their own siblings and he used to feel left out.

In short - I didnt get the best thing but I am very happy and always thankful for what I got. Even now when I m back in India, we stay together at my mom's house and have a wonderful time. And even after getting the best things a person can get, there is always a sadness and emptiness with my husband which I cant take it out.

My son keeps on telling me that I want a brother so that he can play with him and even I am of the opinion that atleast 1 sibling should be there who can be your friend and support throughout your life. For parents, having one is easy - monetarily and taking care of the kids also but sometime (not every case) kids do miss their own siblings.

 

So friendlyaqua, in short, you say its better to have second one for the sake of the first one?

 

I have been through this .

"See in 1 or 2 yrs , you will change your mind " :-D

 

Rakhii, this is totally my opinion based on what I have seen and experienced. Not necessary that all the kids might feel the same. My son longs for a sibling and hence against my in laws wishes I have made it quite clear to my husband that I want 1 more kid.

 

am the only one for my parents and no siblings.. i wish i had a sibling.. i don't want my daughter to be like that.. but it all depends on individual perspective.

 

Strictly my biased opinion worth < 2 cents.
Having a sibling makes a difference in the emotional growth of a child. I am glad I have one ...its a support system like no other...and I wanted to pass that on to my son when I had my first one. Dh was leaning towards "Hum do Hamara Ek" ..inlaws and parents were ok with anything...what can I say ...basically charmed DH .

 

Hi Rakhii,

Its nowhere selfishness.. tell them that you can raise only one child give him/her proper education and help him settle..

I know people start asking for the second child..

 

Vidu, JAG and Shruti, I also have a very loving relationship with my sister. We are constantly talking to each other to the point we know what each other had for breakfast. I wanted the same thing for my child. On the flip side, my DH's experience has been totally different. His sister and him have always been fighting since the time they can remember. As it stands now, he has not been in talking terms with his sister for years. They both openly say they wished they had been a single child.

So, there is a possibility that my DD would be like me and my sis or DH and his sis.
So, I don't totally buy this idea of companionship/love between siblings. Afterall, my DD is a mix of me and DH.
Another thing is that, DH is mid-30's with a physically demanding job. I am fairly there myself. Taking care of my toddler/home/job itself is taking a BIG toll on me right now. It really would mess me up bringing up another infant. I dont want to be one of them who would resent being a parent. I know, a lot of them would feel its not going to be that way. But I strongly feel I will feel it. Not resentment towards the child but resentment towards the whole situation.

When the decison was made, I felt lighter, I thought it would break my heart but all I felt was relief. For that I am so feeling guilty.

 

Rakhii,

ITs really difficult to manage an infant with a toddler and manage household.

In olden days, they had lot of members in family like inlaws, relatives etc etc to take care of children so the mom never felt at all that she would find it difficult to manage a baby.
hence they had many children. but now i believe and see most of the nuclear families around and they just have one child.

I am pregnant now with my first baby and dont really have any plans for the second baby in future.in case anyone bothers the baby about sibling, i would really not allow it to harm.

My DH has 2 sisters and 2 brothers but all are in different corners and so busy in their own life.

Also to mention, i am the only child, I never felt I needed siblings coz i got the basic best things in life and my parents have never allowed it to harm me. even at times when people spoke to me to ask my mom of a sibling.. i never did.. ITs all in the mindset

now me being the only child and hubby having 4 siblings, we are almost in the same boat and it makes no difference to us.