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Indian Marriages

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sunshine04, Jun 17, 2019.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I am fed up of my marriage.
    First I was accused of not being a part of my husband's family,
    I decided I will do what my husband wants.
    Now I am being tortured for being a part of family
    Why only Indian marriages are so messy?
    Need a really crooked mind to survive in a marriage
     
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  2. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    Did you even have a talk with your DH ?
    Indian marriages are messy if you dont know how to be firm and stand your ground.
     
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. Not being firm has been my biggest mistake. Improving now
    I did communicate with my husband, he is selfish who needs to have his way
     
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  4. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    Indian marriage system is definitely not in favor for women in most ways. In the name of culture and tradition they have laid so many rules which isn't what any women of this generation would want to follow. Only a handful of women who think ahead and smartly can handle it well. Being smart needn't be bad but just handling it the right way according to the situation. Yes, being firm and putting across your needs and desires is the first most key to let your man know that you will not dance to his beats. There is always an expectation out of women and if we don't pass that then we are failing as a wife and tats the point they raise to keep us psychologically guilty. Never fall into that trap. Its ok if you don't fall into his checklist of what defines a women or wife. You know that you have done your best. Thats enough.
    Now that you have been accused of doing this or that...just refrain from doing anything that your dh wants you to do..just do what you want to do. I don't know what exactly you are going through but do what your instinct tells you to do. Be positive, stay firm and practice and know that your happiness is your responsibility(no one can make you happy or sad unless you want to take it on yourself). Good luck!
     
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  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Sunshine04, I know you have a lot on your plate right now. Hang in there. Indian marriages need more than a crooked mind , a lot of self confidence/ some assertiveness/patience/diplomacy . While navigating through all these skills , doing the right thing is also important.

    Indian marriages tend to be messy because there are so many expectations thrust on us women. If we fall short of any one of them, we are considered failures. I remember the attitudes when I struggled to get a job/ have kids/ or did not cook well enough.

    Find a good support system in the form of friends ( online too). Write down your thoughts, helped me a lot.
     
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  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Because you should do what is right for you and not what is right for the family.

    Keep going on your way : initially they'll accuse you being arrogant then they'll follow you. Trust me this works.

    Something like this exactly.
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. I do have a support system of friends in USA.
    I know I have to be smart and do what's best for me and my kid. But somedays it becomes too much.
    Btw ,the thread strange relationship jolted me . I felt that me living in a foriegn country holding on to my husband's family values.
    Whereas world seems to be racing ahead in every country
     
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  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Golden words. I will try to practice this every day..I have lost faith in karma. She is a lazy bitch.
     
  9. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    Indian marriages only need one thing 'MANIPULATION' The sooner u learn that art u'l b awarded the survivor badge. From thereon you progress to different levels. An effective mask which has a smiling and happy, bright face with a tact to laugh at every stupidity and tears (u can keep glycrine handy) wherever it is needed would be the key to progress through the next levels. Pretend to b a super bahu, a saint, naive but dont forget to sharpen ur claws in between. Never know when u may need it ! Sarcasm sweetned and served will b well taken. So take a jab when neccessary. And u will be christened the best in the family. Know to play ur cards well sweetheart. Indian marriages dont need u to b good by heart. All it needs is pretence to boost the false ego of indian families and if play it well u'l rule as a queen forever.
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Whole bunch of IL'ites are doing mindfulness: Focus, and only do what is rational sort of thinking. Aunty Rihana follows that, and I bet even she has those "somedays" problem.
    In the "strange relationship" thread title, put a highlight-emphasis on the strange, for that is where, much of the content/thought of the poster went. If all of that were to be true, one would suspect that the poster is a child of an affluent home, as well as employed, and would have independent means to take care of herself, if it should come to that.
    You cannot benchmark a salary-mule, desi-wife, mum, child-minder, chauffeur, NRI existence to someone in India with a different support system.
     

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