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In Laws Moving In

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Anamika99, May 17, 2019.

  1. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    correct!

    Dear OP, so sorry for your loss.

    Here is what i would like to tell you- your statement "He thinks he supported so much with my dad's situation then why I am not supporting him with his mom's health... so i kept mum... "

    he has NOT done you any favor. whether or not his parents treated you like cr@p. It is called being human. your spouse's parents are unwell and may not live long? you spend time with them, stand by your spouse and her parents give moral support and strength. In fact, he hasn't done enough! if he thinks he has done you a favor, it is a sad reflection on how he has been raised, which btw, is pretty obvious from your in-laws actions. So don't let him convince you that he has done you a favor. and tell him that.

    About dealing with them - like someone said before me - let your h know you will do YOUR best,whether or not he is satisfied with it, is HIS problem.

    wishing you a lot of strength.
     
    yellowmango, Sinant and Amica like this.
  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @MalStrom, LTNS! :hello:

    It is indeed going to be difficult. But what's the alternative? I don't think OP's current situation is sustainable.

    The time for words and explanations and attempts to make her DH see reason is gone. It's time to just take action.

    Anamika, take a page from your DH's book. He didn't feel the need to negotiate before inviting his parents to move in. Learn from him: don't explain yourself, just do what's right for you. Arguments simply add to stress.

    Mal, I honestly don't think this is about her DH not caring; I think it's about who he can control/manipulate. I doubt this situation is much fun for him. When he sees her standing up for herself, he may stand up for himself, too.
    .
     
    SinghManisha and MalStrom like this.
  3. Sinant

    Sinant Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Very sorry for your loss. It’s must have been very hard for you to see your Father struggle so much in a span of 2 years. May his soul rest in peace.
    Regarding the behaviour of your husband, as @soulful already mentioned, he has NOT done any favour to you by supporting you at those times. He was just being human, that’s it !! Nothing more at all !! Please don’t give into this as a reason whenever he points out. Tell him you feel sorry if he considers that as a help he has provided to you. That should make him to introspect his behaviour towards you or if he is fair in asking you to do things for his parents.
    Regarding the in-laws part, you can JUST be human to them exactly as your husband was to your parents. Not required to ‘Entertain’ the guests. Meanwhile, make plans with your son and keep Yourself busy. I can’t help much here. Lots of hugs and strength to you to find a balance amidst all this chaos happening right now. Be confident and DONT feel guilty.
     
    Rihana, yellowmango and SinghManisha like this.
  4. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Happy to see overwhelmingly good responses. I am still to read them, it has been crazy busy at work unexpectedly
    Thank you all though
     
  5. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    Very sorry for your loss. May your dad's soul rest in peace.
    Have you considered to take GC for your mom who is now alone? Ideally, since its been just months away since your dad passed, you should have brought your mom with you for change of place after the one month rituals. That could have helped you both heal your loss in a better way. Anyways, elders as they grow old will acquire some childish behavior. May be your PIL are experiencing that and wanting more attention. You just keep your calm and do things as usual. If things don't go your way you should sit and talk to your dh. Because if its a short visit, its a different story. If you are not happy, tell your dh that you have to care your mom also and that their long stay is coming in your way and tell him you may need to bring in your mom too for your own peace. With growing responsibilities for us, elders should help us sort things peacefully if not then everyone is going to be hurt. Just keep praying and you will find an outlet.
     
    Sinant likes this.

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