In-laws Don't Like Anything About Me

Sharing is caring ! Let's share OP's MIL ! I would love hot piping food on the table when I come home too ! Problem solved OP!

 

Aren't all (most) ILs like this? They are wired in such a way to NOT like their DIL. Do not take it personally. If it hurts you real bad and you find it hard to ignore, you can let her know that it is bothering you.

I would treat this as a blessing in disguise. Unless you do not like her cooking at all, please consider this as a blessing and enjoy the time and utilize it to rest. There are many cases where the ILs expect the DIL to start cooking from the time she steps foot in the house.

First and foremost, do not lose your self confidence. You are gifting her things because it makes you happy. If she comments likewise for all the gifts you give her, either

1. you need to stop gifting costly stuff or rather gift stuff for the house (with a fixed MRP, so that she cant claim she can buy it for a lower price)
2. keep gifting, but ignore the comments altogether with a smile plastered on your face.

 

Very true, but looking at the trend so far, Don't you think you will anyways get to hear it at some point of time, even if you did ask to help or even cooked a meal or two? But to clear your conscience, you can only ask/make meals as and when allowed and even if its done, you MIL might find faults with it

Wait for the inevitable to happen, eventually at some point, she will 'not hate' your cooking, gifts, dressing and you Till then take it easy and don't take things to heart

 

Its very very common in Indian household.

I cant completely address since i do not live with my In laws. It would be just visiting often may be once in a couple of months. But If I am in your place, I would leave the day to day cooking and traditional items to her and try something which she cant venture in to.
Like I do try many recipes in baking cakes, chinese (even manchurian etc should be ok) which she wouldnt be able to prepare or some kind of sweets though they take time etc.

 

OP..
Dont leave any opportunity to take control of kitchen. In some houses like yours, the queen of house is queen of kitchen. My mil would do the same.. make food, coffee , etc everything and would get into everyones soft corner. How much ever other work we do, often gets sidelined esp when u r staying in her house and working woman.

1....My MIL wakes up late. I used this opportunity to wake up early and start cooking. She will finish off whatever i started. Atleast that way i get to decide what will be cooked that day.
2.... did veggie and grocery shopping. Cuz i like certain veggies that she doesnt cook cuz they rarley eat those. Buying veggies gave me more interest in cooking. Eventually she stopped buying veggies cuz she liked me spending money.
3.... started using masalas which are store bought. This i understood after a long time cuz.. how much ever i struggled, i couldn't make tasty food like her cuz she only knows the ingredients of home made masalas and she would never give me complete recipe
4.... make some dishes more than often cuz she doesnt..like poori, gulab jamun etc

I may be old school, but conquering kitchen is a must. It will start with lots of neg comments and making us tensed if the curry turns out to be fine..but dont worry, your H will b watching and will understand ur efforts and ur mil will eventually relax. I saw great diff in my kid. She was more attached to mil before and now she is tailgating me. Food is def way to win someones heart.

 

Dear OGirl,


Felt good reading your message.
I too have similar issue, but I can't say I have conquered the kitchen. I do my a part of stuff in the kitchen. Breakfast is made my my MIL if she is in a good mood, or else I do it. All grocery shopping and bills are also paid by me.
All she does is dictate what should I cook and how I should cook it. she believes that her version is what her son will like not mine. I have been married for 6 years and still she does not leave any opportunitiy to criticize me. As usual FIL supports her. And according to my DH his mom is always right.
As the original writer of the post said.. criticisms is a must for her daily and I feel that she has a list up in her head and has to get each colum ticked in bright red.
I feel I m going to explode thinking and die early enough trying to please everyone.
....
Thank you for your reply.

 

OP, what exactly you want to do ? Everyday you come 'home tired and late from office', and you want to go to kitchen cooking for everyone. Also you want to cook full meal for everyone every morning before leaving to office? Can you do that ? Just imagine that she hand over the kitchen to you.. what will happen? 24 h will not be enough as you have to take care PILS plus your own family. You will be complaining again that (most likely), no one is help you(including MIL), they are enjoying, no one is appreciating your work, they are taking you for granted and finding fault with you etc. Even now they are finding fault with everything. Add kids into this picture. Your burden will be more than you imagine. So just relax a bit.

You can slowly conquer the kitchen if that is what you want... but give some time. Consider everyday that you are learning something-whether it is MIL's comment or any other thing . Dont take her comments to heart. You dont need anybody's certificate. Develop a dont care attitude. If you like something she makes or anything she does, say that to her. Appreciate her for what she does. If you want to make tea just go and do it. Don't ask anybody's permission. Let her cook, but you can help her in many ways (for example cutting vegetable, cleaning, serving food etc). Ask her in what way you can assist her and do that. Ask for recipe or observe what she does..etc. You should try cooking your favorite thing in weekends. Treat her like you want to be treated. Don't wait for anybody's approval. Best option now will be to became her best assistant.

In my case also dh likes what his mother cook. But I like what my mother cooks..so it is natural to think this way..I will say I like to cook the way I want and cook that way. If I feel dh likes the way his mother cook, I do that way too. It is a game. You do all these job including assisting MIL only when your dh is there (you need to show that you are busy with helping, they believe only when they see ), rest of the time relax and eat what MIL makes . Don't feel guilty about. It is not your fault. Consider it as a blessing and enjoy

Your MIL know very well that once she is out of the kitchen, she can never be the boss or control others like she does now. So she don't want that. But she cannot do this for long as she is old. It is a power game. So take baby steps. Ultimately it will come to you. Don't worry about it too much.

If MIL says she dont like what you bought, add some emotional drama, ' mom I thought it will suit you very well' if you dont like it I will return, next time come with me so that we can select what you want'.. Use your brain than your heart.. Think before you talk.. give respect and take respect. Always remember DIL will always be DIL and MIL will MIL forever. Respect that boundary and move on. Most important Be what you are

I think you are really blessed that you got MIL who cooks for you. Many dont have that luxury..so count your blessings..You will be OK. Good luck

 

Dear rupz..
We can never conquer kitchen completely. But we can control it.
1.... As long as you stay in the empire built by her(her house n kitchen), it gets more tough. When u move to your house along with her, then you can get control easily.
2.... i make 2 curries. One how my dh likes and another how i like. So problem solved.
3.... my mil stands behind and keeps commenting on how i should add ingredients when and how much. Still the curry turns out bad as i used to be tensed and struggled hard to prove that i can cook too. She purposefully doesnt tell me few things to add. When everyone is eating, she will point out and add it. This is when store masalas help me cuz now i know how much to add and when. Now even though my mil makes masalas at home, the curry which she makes is turning out bad cuz now she is tensed that the food cooked by her is not soo tasty considering the amt of experience she has. Bingo!!!
4..... mils have learnt the art through many years. Its tough to understand it. For ex: my mil struggles with housework when everyone is at home in morning and evening, rest of the time she watches tv or talks on phone. We need to learn to be smart too.

 

Congratulations and welcome to world of ILs. This is so normal. There are only few rare DILs in this world whose MILs like their chores like my SIL. Seriously.
Just pray if she will gradually start liking you since you live with her. 12 yrs of my marriage, my MIL still does not like anything about me.
Amount of oil I take for cooking, size of roti, if thick, then too thick, if thick then too thin, if big, then too big, if small, why small it will take ages, amount water into tea, tea leaves, sugar, then any spices ( ginger etc) then milk.