In dilemma about where to deliver. Experienced moms please advice

Simplicity11 · Aug 28, 2012

Hi,
I am currently 4 months pregnant. I know its a bit early to be talking about delivery but I have to make a decision soon. I'm in a big dilemma as to where should I deliver. My options are here in Europe or India. I'm listing down the advantages of both the places and would request those who have gone through this phase to advice please.
In Europe
1. Excellent medical facilities
2. Experiencing the miracle of birth of my first child with the presence of my husband.

In India
1. I will get full care from family before and after delivery but I will have to be away from husband for about 3-5 months. The delivery will be at my in-laws place. Although I have had issues with MIL in past but when it comes to caring at this stage, I have no doubt that she will give her best possible care and attention. However I will have to depend on my FIL for everything as my husband wont be there. If I need anything or feel like eating anything, I will be dependant.
2. If I manage in India for the initial months with the help of parents and in laws my husband can focus on his work and not get affected with sleepless nights.

The fact that I will have to spend those many months without my husband is making me emotional. Just the thought makes me cry. By God's grace, so far the journey has been smooth and I'm hoping that everything will be alright. We will try to get visa for my mom so that she can join us from 8th month however the visa may or may not be issued. So there is a 50-50 chance that we will have to manage ourselves.

Also another point to note is that we will be shifting base anyways within 2-4 months of delivery. So we are eventually going back to India.

My doctor has adviced that a lot of people manage by themselves so it's not a problem but its good to have company. I will be staying in the hospital for first 4 days. Post that my husband will take 2 weeks leave and stay with us at home and help.

Please advice is it practical to stay back and deliver here or go back.

Many thanks in advance.

SuccessMinded · Aug 29, 2012

Hi Simplicity,

My advise will be for you to stay here with your husband. Don't worry about his sleepless nights, rest assured those are the nights that are going to make him realize what it means to have a baby and take care of one.
Also, if your mom can make it great, if not, then try to go to India soon after the delivery once you get passport/visa for baby.That is, if you think you are not able to manage. If your mom can come, then it will best. You'll have both mom and hubby with you.
The bonding that you will experience with hubby in doc visits and during delivery and during the kicks are totally different. Don't miss it for anything... we need our husband more than anyone else at this stage.
Rest is upto you.

Simplicity11 · Aug 29, 2012

Thank you so much successminded for your valuable advice.
I'm totally convinced I need my husband more than anyone else in this world during delivery. Had a discussion with him again last night and he too insists that we do it here. That's the plan so far. Hoping that everything stays smooth and that my mom can come too. Thanks again for your time.
Hope everything is progressing well for you. I keep reading posts in your club too Have a wonderful time during the baby shower.. God Bless..!!

Rakhii · Aug 31, 2012

Good decision. Don't worry about visa. Just make sure all the paper work is 100% correct before sending it.

Tashsin · Sep 1, 2012

Congratz dear.... stay with ur DH....
For my delivery I was in India..with PIL...MIL use to show that she is doing this much for me:rant..I was schoked with her behaviour..:hide: every time taunting about my parents and they creat misunderstanding between me and DH..:bowdown

So better to stay with DH, hire a full time maid for 1-2 month...she can help you in all things...:thumbsup good luck

Binz85 · Sep 4, 2012

@simplicity11

I also faced same situation 7months before..But I decided to come to India and delivered a baby boy ..Dh came to India during delivery time and stayed a month with me(so got a chance to be with Dh during delivery) and I am going back next month.. I am at my home till now(cant even think about inlaw's place)..

At first I was so emotional after coming home..Infact Dh was very emotional than me..He cried two whole nights(.After that we managed..But after delivery we both think our decision was right because first month after delivery was so hectic for me(it depends from person to person)..This is my first child ...Eventhough mine was normal delivery,it took 1.5months for me to come back to normal life..I cant even imagine those days without any help...I got good care at my home..

So both ways are possible...If your mother can come to Europe then choose delivery there otherwise come to your home if possible(not at inlaws place)...I will say big NO at inlaws place..Anyway first few weeks you will need a help ,atleast get help from friends or so...Best Of Luck

Simplicity11 · Sep 4, 2012

Thank you all for your valuable advice. Really appreciate it.
I know everybody's case is different but my mind is never at rest. There is something or the other going on.. So many what ifs.. I guess none of the situations are ideal so will have to go for the best viable option. God will show me the path..
Binz 85, unfortunately delivering at my Mom's place is not an option for me for various reasons but she can always join me at my in-laws place. I know even that is a tricky situation! Heartiest congratulations for your baby boy

monu21 · Sep 4, 2012

hi,
congrats on your pregnany ....me too in the same situation 7 months back..delivered a baby girl through c-section ,staying at my parents house ,a lot of support from my parents.this was my second delivery..my dh is still in abroad,didnt come due to visa problems...missed a lot of precious moments with dh.though emotional was able to overcome due to the care from my parents.so never ever think of staying at il's house:rant..better stick to the decision of staying with dh that is more comfortable :thumbsup

Binz85 · Sep 4, 2012

@simplicity11
Yeah every decision has pros and cons..So take decision according to your situation..
My decision might be wrong in front of others because if I had delivered my kid in US he would become an American citizen..Most of the people decide to do so only...But at that time my only concern was to get a healthy baby..I was sure I couldnot manage alone even during pregnancy period..I had vomiting and I hadnt gained a single weight till I came to India(before 5.5 months)..I couldnt even think about cooking ..We avoided hotel food also..So only option for me to go to India or bring parents(inlaw's were ready to come but I didnt want to)..If you can bring your mother to Europe thats the best decision..

aryashi · Sep 4, 2012

congrats dear on your pregnaancy..
stay in europe itself.. you will have support of your Dh as well... at this stage we need that special emotional support of our dh..dont miss that..
As far as visa is concern... plan it well in advance.... so issues will be minimized..
All the best buddyyyyy