I Suspect My Husband Is Gay.

@snehalJoshi - Hi! you feel that the only thing keeping you with him is your child.You are independent and earn more than him. You are apprehensive that he will not let you have custody of your DD .Why do you feel so? If your kid is younger than 5 years of age,Indian courts grant custody to the mother 99% of the time. (1% - if mother is mentally ill or bed ridden etc). This is presuming that you are in India. If you are in the US,then even better.The courts in US usually go for 50-50 custody but depending on your lawyer ,you can even get 60-40 or 70-30.But in no case ,he can snatch her away from you.Why are you scared? just make up your mind. Living in a sexless marriage is not fair to anyone,be it for anyone's sake.The child needs you in a good mental state first.You are saying repeatedly that your kid will not be able to live with her father.She will be ,in case of spilt custody.I suggest start keeping your finances in check,save all conversations ,texts between you and him and lawyer up.Being a single parent is not a big deal in the US atleast.You deserve a better life.And please dont fall for thinking like - what if the next one you marry might not turn out to be good.Who knows about the future? Dont live in the present hell because of it.

 

Thank you for bringing validation in my decision..at a time when I plan to leave my husband and have to fight against him, my parents and society in general this post gives me relief....

 

Liya, I wish you the best . It takes guts to end a marriage , so you are very brave ! I hope your decision works very well for you . Take care!

 

I know this is very old post but couldn't pass this up - transgender is NOT GAY. I don't know Kim Kardashian or her dad or anything about them at all (have heard her name, some kind of reality show? I guess)

But transgender is when a person strongly believes they should have been born the opposite sex. For them, attraction to the gender of their birth is NORMAL HETEROSEXUAL RESPONSE. Inside a man believes to be a woman and women are usually attracted to men; so attraction to men for this person is heterosexual attraction. For a woman who feels they are a man, attraction to women is usual response for men - so that is also HETEROSEXUAL attraction because they think of themselves as a man.

But to be gay, that person never has doubted their birth gender - they just happen to be attracted to people of the same gender. But they still feel perfectly normal as a man or woman, as they were born.

Sorry to necropost.

But hopefully people can be more understanding of each other, but only if they understand where things are coming from first. Honestly I have a lot of trouble on an emotional level with the concept of people who are bisexual because that seems like the ONE THING that people should be able to decide pretty easily (do I like an INNY or an OUTY? LOL!) but in reality human sexuality is along a continuum, like a number line, starting from 100% homosexual and running to 100% heterosexual, with lots of stops between.

Because I am on the extreme end of hetero - have never even had a glimmer of "bicurious" - it is hard for me to grasp how someone could be attracted to BOTH, but easy to grasp being attracted to just ONE whether same or different gender. Because that's how *I* am, and its easier to understand someone more like yourself. That makes it easier for me to understand a homosexual person than someone who is bisexual.

I understand and realize AND ACCEPT that on this issue, *I* am the outlier - the one way out on one end of a spectrum - not someone who is bisexual. It is *MY* issue. Most people tend more towards the middle, eg most people are more or less bisexual. Kind of a barbell shaped distribution.

Anyway the point is it is all normal sexual response. There is no shame no matter where you fall along the line - as long as we all accept the social norm of monogamy. If you marry, don't cheat - and expect and live up to the responsibility of physical intimacy with your spouse. If you are not willing to do that, or unable for some reason, don't get married.

This is all vastly complicated by the consequences of a violently homosexual society, as most are to one degree or another (I'm lookin' at YOU, Uncle Sam!). And the consequences in India are still QUITE severe. So there is a VERY strong impetus for a gay person to bend over backwards to hide that, even up to and including marrying and having children. Which is a triple trap - for the gay person, for their spouse, and for their children as well. But it is also, sadly, a nearly unavoidable survival technique, to avoid detection for their "deviation" from the norm. I feel for EVERYONE caught in that trap.

It's not rocket science. Nope. It's SOCIAL SCIENCE, which is much much more complicated and far more poorly understood to boot than rocket science.

 

I am sure you know the answer to this - Possibly till they have a pulse.

But kidding aside - when a long held desire is left unfulfilled, I am sure one's mind and heart will feel the pain long after the physical needs have subsided. In 30 years will you be the same person you were or are ? Who knows ..lets hope a certain bitterness & life weariness does not set in.