I Suspect My Husband Is Gay.

madras2018 · Aug 26, 2016

@Swa2818 I appreciate how smart and mentally strong you have been abt this . No doubt needless trauma, however brief, but I'm confident you'll make it. If there's anything that collective experiences can serve it is that it helps other women notice early signs of trouble before they are neck deep in it. No two ppls experiences are exactly alike. Still they could learn a thing or two so they can problem solve sooner.

Swa2818 said: ↑

Thank you for your reply!
I am in india now. I probably will settle in india. Its my parent's wish.

I did masters in US and have my H1. I wanted to be at home after marriage or atleast find work in the same city he is in. So that i can enjoy marriedlife and motherhood for couple of years. So i got gap in work before and after marriage. somehow i lost interest in both finding job and staying in US. Its totally my fault

Anyway, we already started looking for new matches. I hope we could get some relief by the end of this year.
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Iamagoodgirl · Aug 29, 2016

So many members in this forum who are having same fate.How many women are there in reality suffering silently I can only imagine.This is shocking.Its high time our society start acknowledging existence of gay people.
Swa one more thing.This guy was visiting hospital regularly without telling you whats the matter.Then he also told you he did test and result came negative.
There i strong possibility he was involve in stripper or gay clubbing dating in USA.He might have got some infection from it.You are lucky he did not force himself in unprotected sex with you and pass you anything.I know you are already in bad situation but i could have got lot worse.

madras2018 · Aug 29, 2016

Iamagoodgirl said: ↑

So many members in this forum who are having same fate.How many women are there in reality suffering silently I can only imagine.This is shocking.Its high time our society start acknowledging existence of gay people.
Swa one more thing.This guy was visiting hospital regularly without telling you whats the matter.Then he also told you he did test and result came negative.
There i strong possibility he was involve in stripper or gay clubbing dating in USA.He might have got some infection from it.You are lucky he did not force himself in unprotected sex with you and pass you anything.I know you are already in bad situation but i could have got lot worse.
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@Iamagoodgirl men in sex less marriages are not by default gay. Much of the time it is regular heterosexual men suffering from hormonal issues causing lack of sex drive and ED. Frequent trips to clinics need not automatically imply STD and secret lovers. It just means it's possible that the man could be aware of his hormonal and other physiological issues but chooses to alienate his wife from the details out of fear, real or imagined, that his wife would leave him or use the information against him. A man can sometimes be too embarrassed to even acknowledge his problem and discuss it openly with his wife.

I'm not saying that your theory is wrong. Just saying that it could be equally if not more likely that there are other issues lurking.

Iamagoodgirl · Aug 31, 2016

Madras i said possibility.

Minzzzz · Aug 31, 2016

Dear ,

I know you are emotionally down. Cheer up gal, u got your life back. Your are lucky, u got supportive parents.Focus on ur career and stay engaged.In mean time u will get good proposals . You should proceed only that person who can be a good friend and partner.

snehalJoshi · Jul 3, 2017

My DH went to a therapist after I forced him to go. After 2 sessions, he said he is done with this therapist and does not want to go to him anymore. I got irritated and did not say anything but my DH was able to sense something is wrong with me because I was not replying or doing things as normal. He sensed my irritation, started playing a movie on TV. I said "we have a lot of blah-blah work to do , help me instead of watching a movie." and I walked away and started doing my work. He immediately came behind me and had an abusive body language. He did not touch me but acted as if he is going to hit me. He said "if you think you have an answer then LEAVE." What it means is he knows that I sometimes feel he is gay/asexual.
Almost 36 hrs passed, we did not speak to each other. Finally, I went and asked him "how can you behave so badly when all the problem is with you? How much should I adjust? If one day, I'm little irritated then why can't you adjust?" He said "If you think you have all answers then LEAVE, FO. I will SHOW YOU. My time will come. When you're dying and I'm the only one near you then you will see if I bother to even give you water. " He spitted twice looking at my face from a distance.

I don't deserve this. I've a little one and she needs mom-and-dad, this is the ONLY reason holding me back. my DH knows this.

A little irritation from my side and ALL this ???? Is it because the therapist told him something and he is unable to digest?

what can i do ?

SGBV · Jul 3, 2017

Clearly your H has a problem with sexuality. Either he can be gay, asexual or some health issues to prevent normal sex life.
There is a problem. You both know this.
Looks like he will not get it treated. Perhaps, his problem is beyond treatment.
Whatever it may be, the solution remains the same.

1) You have to put up with this, accept him as who he is and continue to live a sexless life forever.
If your H is a great person otherwise, and if you are in love with him blindly and also if your libido is very low, I think this is a manageable issue. There are ways to satisfy yourself sexually, and there are ways to produce a baby too. Of course it needs great sacrifice from your end. But it is worth if your marriage is perfect otherwise.
Particularly if you are not interested in casual sex or second marriage after separation.

2) However, if you believe that you can have casual sex once you break this tie, then of course there is no point in living in this (hell) life.
If your libido is normal or high, then starving from sex amounts to cruelty
If you are interested in second marriage, and you are hopeful about it, then wasting your youth like this is really a WASTE
More so, if your H is inconsiderate, and the marriage is loveless, then what is the point if adjusting?

All you need is financial independence. Work on that aspect before you decide for your future.

dia3 · Jul 27, 2017

snehalJoshi said: ↑

My DH went to a therapist after I forced him to go. After 2 sessions, he said he is done with this therapist and does not want to go to him anymore. I got irritated and did not say anything but my DH was able to sense something is wrong with me because I was not replying or doing things as normal. He sensed my irritation, started playing a movie on TV. I said "we have a lot of blah-blah work to do , help me instead of watching a movie." and I walked away and started doing my work. He immediately came behind me and had an abusive body language. He did not touch me but acted as if he is going to hit me. He said "if you think you have an answer then LEAVE." What it means is he knows that I sometimes feel he is gay/asexual.
Almost 36 hrs passed, we did not speak to each other. Finally, I went and asked him "how can you behave so badly when all the problem is with you? How much should I adjust? If one day, I'm little irritated then why can't you adjust?" He said "If you think you have all answers then LEAVE, FO. I will SHOW YOU. My time will come. When you're dying and I'm the only one near you then you will see if I bother to even give you water. " He spitted twice looking at my face from a distance.

I don't deserve this. I've a little one and she needs mom-and-dad, this is the ONLY reason holding me back. my DH knows this.

A little irritation from my side and ALL this ???? Is it because the therapist told him something and he is unable to digest?

what can i do ?
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i don't understand why u r in this marriage when he is treating u like ****..spitting on u..abusing u..even when clearly he is at fault...

Angel121 · Aug 1, 2017

OP, life is too short to live in misery. I understand that you are worried about your child, if you divorce. Think of it this way, is it fair for your child to grow up in a home like this? If you are unhappy in your marriage, when your child grows up, she will sense this. This might not have the best impact on her as well.

Elsa · Aug 1, 2017

snehalJoshi said: ↑

My DH went to a therapist after I forced him to go. After 2 sessions, he said he is done with this therapist and does not want to go to him anymore. I got irritated and did not say anything but my DH was able to sense something is wrong with me because I was not replying or doing things as normal. He sensed my irritation, started playing a movie on TV. I said "we have a lot of blah-blah work to do , help me instead of watching a movie." and I walked away and started doing my work. He immediately came behind me and had an abusive body language. He did not touch me but acted as if he is going to hit me. He said "if you think you have an answer then LEAVE." What it means is he knows that I sometimes feel he is gay/asexual.
Almost 36 hrs passed, we did not speak to each other. Finally, I went and asked him "how can you behave so badly when all the problem is with you? How much should I adjust? If one day, I'm little irritated then why can't you adjust?" He said "If you think you have all answers then LEAVE, FO. I will SHOW YOU. My time will come. When you're dying and I'm the only one near you then you will see if I bother to even give you water. " He spitted twice looking at my face from a distance.

I don't deserve this. I've a little one and she needs mom-and-dad, this is the ONLY reason holding me back. my DH knows this.

A little irritation from my side and ALL this ???? Is it because the therapist told him something and he is unable to digest?

what can i do ?
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Are you sure your son would have a happy childhood around a man like your husband?