I need your perspective on my MIL's words

I dont have any major PIL's issue actually i wouldn't call this issue because my MIL /FIL are very affectionate towards me though each have their own negatives. MIL is very possesive about her son (my DH) and FIL is very short tempered.

when we went to india during our last visit i said something casually (without any negative intention or inner meaning) to my MIL's younger sister (which was promptly carried to my MIL) which triggered my MIL's possesive instincts towards her son .when i was talking to MIL's sister,for some question, i casually mentioned that we are not sure whether we will settle in US or not but whatever we decide,it will be a combined decision (mine and DH's ) .I mentioned it with intention that i will not force my opinion on my DH and we both will decide but she took in wrong sense. actually till then i respected MIL's sister a lot but i never expected that she would twist the casual statement to create suspision in MIL's mind that we dont take MIL opinion into consideration to decide on to something.i think my MIL feels she is left out of decision making.

there was another incident during the same trip which increased my MIL
suspicion that her son is slowly drifting away from her. my PIL's and my pinni(mom's younger sister and her husband) had some differences during marriage which i came to know recently only after 6 years and my MIL doesn't have a good impression about them. when i went to india i wanted me and my husband to visit my pinni's house but my MIL was against it, though she didn't clear say that .she was telling some silly reason that her son might not be comfortable visiting new ppl etc which i ignore and we went to visit my pinni's family anyways. after coming back from my pinni's family all the hell broke loose and my MIL became completely emotional..started crying and shouting that i am trying to split mother and son .that i dont respect elders and we try to decide ourself and take decision without consulting elders,she started digging all old incidents when she felt bad (though i was completely oblivious that she might be hurt because of that) and started blaming me for everything.this came as a rude shock for me since she was always very affectionate towards me till then. my nature is to clear any misunderstanding immediately but not to keep it inside heart and carry it for years so i was really shocked since she remembered incidents over 6 years and still was normal towards me.

In reality though me and my DH decide on something ,my DH will inform my MIL and only after she approves we go ahead with our decision but i never thought my casual statement will cause so much insecurity within my MIL.though i really got irritated because she was shouting with no fault of mine but i kept quite since i didn't want to answer back and make matters worse because my DH will land in soup if i say something back.. anyways next day she felt sorry and we left it there . but i couldn't forget nor forgive that incident.

now my MIL is collecting good names of boys/girls for my son/daughter and i have my own list .i am sure she will feel bad if we decide to name some thing of our choice..i feel suffocating to get each and every approval. though i am happy with her gesture about collecting names,i feel she just need to advice what ever she feels is good and leave the decision to us .

just wanted to find what other couples do ? do they tell each and everything to PIL's and get their approval.

did i say something so wrong that it triggered so much of insecurity in my MIL ?!:drowning

 

Thank you friendlygirl ,Radhai and anahita5 That feels reassuring. Most of times my MIL is very affectionate . when she visited us recently for 6 months ,she used to get up early at 6AM and cook/pack fresh food for my office. but suddently i dont know what triggers, but she gets emotional and has an outburst that we shouldn't go out together ,that i dont cook food properly for my husband and we always eat out, that she did so much for me but in return i dont do anything ( this made me realise not to take any favours from others how ever closely related they are because we are obligated to them !) and i am not at all good for her Son which was the final straw .i finally couldn't take any longer and replied that if they both feel i am not good enough for DH i will not come in their way and can proceed for mutual separation which shut her mouth.
my husband is a gem of a person but he is very defensive of his parents. we have had a few arguments earlier regarding my MIL's behaviour and what i understood is my husband is like a package deal for me (including PIL's ). if i want my DH ,i have to adjust with PIL's (they are not that bad to adjust except for some occasional outburst triggered by unknown factors). my DH loves me a lot and is pampering me like a princess right now but has 'dont mess with me' attitude when it comes to his parents . so i am trying to forget and adjust with MIL regarding past for my own peace of mind.

when we were ttc she did lot of pujas for us so i feel guilty sometimes for having this resentment towards my MIL but at the same time feel bad when i remember those outburst incidents. so wanted to get my fellow ILites perspective to get better idea.

 

yes anahita5 . atleast you and your DH were on same page regarding naming your baby. for us, i have a set of names,my husband has a different set and my MIL has another set:rotfl. i am curious to see which one we will finalize (after MIL approval ofcourse:rant thanks to my DH)

 

very true . I am dreading their next US trip because i no longer feel attached to my MIL and no matter what i say she finds something to feel insecure about and i dont want to take their help and feel obligated !