i can't trust him....

somaprav · Feb 1, 2012

-for a brief background, i ve been married for a year and half now and i ve been finding it very hard to trust him...

a couple days b4 our engagement i got a call from an anonymous someone that he was engaged earlier..i confronted him act it and he said that he was nt engaged, but was seeing a girl, the arranged way and her family didn't agree and they let the proposal go....i was ok...big deal and went ahead and married him....

one our 1st night his sister brought a whole bunch of people and asked me if i was a virgin in front of all of them...i did feel insulted and more so just coz my husband of one day did not say anything to remedy the situation and nor did he ask his sister to apologize...i was angry and obviously upset, but let it slide....

after i moved to the US, in less than 2 - 3 weeks i had to travel to meet friends and he gave me an iPod filled with pics of the past girl V,,,, i was upset and angry and did not talk to him...

he told it was his past and that he was immature and has moved on and that he loved me...i let it slide...

once, he was drunk and he looks at me and said love u V..obs her name and i felt real bad...

he apologized ...the thing is he respects me, encourages me, helps me out , respects my parents ...the only thing that bothers me is his past...

later on i found naked pics of some girl..basically pics of some girl putting a dildo in and was disgusted...confronted him...he said that it was his second girlfriend..long ago and that the relationship was for 6 months...he added that he s long forgotten all of it and that its not important n stuff...

i was super mad, made him get hit , hpv tests n stuff- obviously rt...

he was patient with me, calm during my mood swings, took care of me , treats me really well...i have no problems with any of that..my inlays are also wonderful people n treat me really well...

the issue i have is that i no longer trust him...

he has explained all his past relationships and has told me more than a million times that he loves me n that i m his life n stuff...

i just can't trust him and i feel that i m living a false life, every time i see him i feel angry and i haven't felt genuinely happy in a real long time...i lead a comfortable life, but the trust issue is driving me insane

nowhere · Feb 1, 2012

Hi Somaprav,

Except for the drunken behavior, I have been through all this. I agree it can drive one crazy. Be patient, and brave. Ask yourself what you really want? Your post appears to look like you are okay with his past indiscretions. Trust is like a mirror. If its broken, and then reattached, the cracks will be always there. If you truly forgave him or you pushed this totally out of your mind, you wouldn't be getting upset when you bump into these pictures of his ex. He was having relationships. The more you dig (or not) you will be discovering a lot about your H.
In the end, ask yourself if you want a comfortable life with all its caveats or do you want to be truly happy. It is in your hands. Try talking to a marriage counsellor, and I hope it all works out well for you

renutn · Feb 1, 2012

oh dear I can understand your feelings..it is very difficult to trust a person who now also recollects his past.
Whatever happened to you after the marriage; hats off to you for keeping this marriage alive.
Don't feel bad...in the early days of marriage (1-2 yrs) so many things happened in your life and you are ignoring him(obviously no trust here) and saying 'I can't trust him'.

Did you ask him why he does like that now also?
If it repeats tell him straight ..I can't continue in this relation?
Ladies are not puppets yaar ...these husband makes anytime dance and sing. What is this? No value for your feelings?

abcdguy · Feb 4, 2012

Sompav,

When you decide to stay in a marriage, in order to make it a happy one you will eventually need to forgive him. I would recommend seeing a marriage counslor, if that is an option.

ABCDGUY