I Can Deal With Two Angry Parents, But Not One

Some of you may know my story.

Both my parents neither had love nor arraigned marriage --- it was for GC.

Dad stayed because I was born a girl, and saw how cruel the world is to girls, especially without father and/or sane mother.

One parent or another gets angry and fighting for no reason. One either fights with the other parent or fights with me.

I get 25% of toxins (that's what they are) because they enjoy torturing each other (on subconscious level)

I am learning to choose my words and responses wisely, so as to not make things worse. The slightest wrong thing you say makes thing worse because if people want to get angry, make fights, that is what they do.

They to this to people they consider inferior, i.e. Nurses, Medical Technicians if they make mistake, are too slow, etc.

Soon my mom is going to India.

My dad is relieved that she will be gone, but I know better.

He will still get angry, upset, aggravated. Only difference is, I am getting 100% of toxins (that's what they are).

I know this from experience. When I lived away for first job, Dad lived with me, and he complained about every damn thing and I thought it was my fault. He would even say, "See, that is why I have to find someone dumb for matrimonial alliance"

Only difference is, now after I have been burned badly by abusive marriage, he is less likely to vomit those words, although he has still done it once or twice afterwards.

What interpersonal skills do I need to "run interference".

I know people who develop great interpersonal skills, they are now in Management at my organization because they have learned to deal with people.


I'm kinda stressed about this. Better to have two angry people in your company, rather than one because.

Two angry people will get angry at each other 75% of time, and 25%, you are caught in cross-fire

One angry person will get angry at you 100% of the time.

This is life-math.


I apologize if I sound like I'm bashing my parents, especially my dad.

At least my Dad was there for me when I was being abused, had miscarriage, etc.

Lot of people wish they at least have parents, because maybe they are born without parents.

I just wish to know how to be tactful, and avoid any toxins that comes my way.

If I say anything it is bad.
If I don't say anything it is bad.

I try to sound like customer service rep, i.e. "How do I fix this", and parent still gets mad, but at least part of situation is diffused.


Right now I am upset I handled a situation bad

There is no communication between mom and dad, and dad is always dragging me in it.

I am trying to avoid any full boil confrontation, but it gets worse and worse

I thought an issue about cooking chole was resolved. I didn't know mom was making so I was setting up dad's usual dinner. Chole was in oven soaking.

By the time I was informed, meat was almost done.

Then he wanted me to ask indirectly if she is making chole. I didn't know that I had to directly ask her. So I never mentioned word chole.

Then he goes and asks her and there is a big yelling match.

After he is gone I thought matter is resolved. Then mom says she will make chole later on.

Just now he is bringing up the issue again and I am getting aggravated.

He keeps taking about how he is going to die, how he is going to die, but the way this is going on, I will die before both of these people do.

Then he is trying to strategize something without even listening to me. He says I should tell mom it's is my fault.


I tell dad next time I will be careful, and I am sorry. Then he starts to say "I can guarentee not 99%, but 100% you will do this again."

Then I angrily reply, yes, everything that happens here is my fault. All the decisions you made before I was born is my fault.

Then the conversation stops, dad gets angry and says, "yes, everything is your fault, are you now happy"


Honestly, I wish I can find another place to live, but the financial situation is preventing me right now. Even though I am earning, parents are retired with their savings.

Better to live alone and struggle day to day than live in this angry and toxic environment.

That is why I am trying to get involved in Toastmasters or anything else that gets me out of this toxic house.

Because this is a toxic environment. Even if God gives best health, best money, best house, dad will still be angry and upset and never happy. And he'll never take responsibility, he will say other people are bad.

I am so upset right now ..... I am upset that I reacted poorly.

Please tell me how I could have reacted better.


I should have sat calmly and listened, even if he drags on and on for an hour, and then blames me because he missed the news, and gets upset that it's getting late, I have to get to work early tomorrow.


It's really upsetting that people who have so much fight and complain about food, yet there are millions who are starving.

Of course, it is really upsetting that I am reacting poorly when there are millions who don't have parents.


Lot of people get happy when they see their parents but as soon as I hear my dad is awake, or the room to his door opens I get scared and hide whatever I am doing because some fight, some misunderstanding, some commotion at home will happen.

What type of life is this when you are not comfortable in your own home.

If this person is making you so tense at home, what type of groom will he get for me? I've had this experience before already.

Best part is when he thought he was getting me best groom, he bragged that no one in USA ever liked me, would even throw crumbs at me, but he got me best person, and without him, I could not get best person, that is fact.

Then he said when I go back to USA co-worker will tell me "don't screw up".

So even before marriage he is taunting a new bride that she is not even good enough for someone her dad picked.

Usually the groom is told, "don't screw up".

I am just so upset right now ........ I wish I knew how to deal with it, how to get out of this situation .....

 

Home should. e vacation place

Health and happy family life are greatest wealth.

if you have those, you don't need anything else.

I know INdia was controlled by British but Benjamin DIsraeli had super happy ,arrived life. His wife who was 15 years his senior was so kind and loving.

Benjamin Disraeli was always anxious to go home to his wife. if anyone made fu. of his wife hetears into them.

Maybe that is why he was PRime Minister and British ruled India ( instead of other way around)

After work I hate going home to my parents.

I wish I can live in nice rental near office and have peace of mind.

If God want to give me nice Husband and Children that is fine. Otherwise I wish to live in peace. That is true wealth.

 

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I wish I would have had happy enjoyable life with parents

the rest of the world is do cruel and uncaring

I wish in next life I have nice and loving parents

my parents should love and be in love with each other.

that love automatically spills onto the children

do you think children of loving parents would end up marrying someone abusive

my dad is nasty to my mom. and me but nice to everyone else ... nice to all his friends from college in Indua .... those friends think I am stupid and useless .

he wanted he marry a doctor in USA and have smart kids (sons) buthe end up marrying a nurse and having daughter who is not too bright (only good grades in schools)

so everyday he blame his life choices on me.

all he does is watch stupid TV and listen radio... stupid TV never did good for anyone.

he keeps destroying his health by sitting all day, watching TV watching violent and depressing movies and make home life a living hell. ... and he blame me for bad health and all his problems.

I am upset and crying and have no one to turn to.


he will make my life living hell when I try to move out ...this is toxic environment ... and when mom goes to India he will make life worse living hell ...., he is vever happy.

even. if he marry Doctor he want and and has sons he desires he will still be unhappy and make everyone life miserable

 

you are right

a coworker my age is part time professor at college 30 miles away

he ask me to teach one class but I am scared of driving.

now I am thinking I want to go out teach show my stuff be around peers my age, even younger.

I am figuring out directions so I can borrow car.

my dad thinks I am too stupid to drive myself so he will drive me and complain the whole time .... but I do not care ..., this is opportunity for me other than Toastmasters to be around people my age ....

and they think I am too stupid to socialize with my peers, that is why they got abusive monster who society calls "husband" but is worse than devil ... even Devils and demons don't abuse their wives (did Raavan abuse his wives?)

 

@Iamagoodgirl Yes I shall start making routine for myself. Routine is best ... I like freelance job idea

I feel so bad writing so much but it all came to a boil yesterday.... Just looking back at life .....

I hope you guys on IL still like me