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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by BuviVishal, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Seniors,

    This is buvana from Chennai. I am married on Jun 2011. I want to know how to maintaining the relationship in home. I am staying in join family. so far there is no problem since i am satisfying all memebers in my family but sometime i am getting tension (not showing to anyone) and worried lot. I am liking to live in join family.

    If anyone give some tips to maintain the family i will be happy.

    Thanks
    Buvana
     
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  2. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Buvana,

    First of all, a warm welcome to this family.

    Glad to hear that things are going fine with you and you are enjoying your married life so far. It is nice that you are in a joint family and probably nicer that you like to be in a joint family.

    In Joint families, there are gives and takes from both sides and require adjustment and compromise. You need to let go sometimes of small issues and also have to see that everybody around you is happy with what you are doing.Am sure, in turn, everybody also cares for you and loves you.

    As long as things are going fine, why to worry and take tensions. Sometimes, just thinking and assuming about things that have not yet happened will disturb your mind. So, dont worry. Enjoy your life and wish you a happy married life.
     
  3. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Hi

    Thanks for your reply. I am just worrying whether i am doing certain things correct or wrong since my colleagues are told me that you are respecting and thinking of your family but you did not think about you. you should live for you not for others like that.... (always i am enjoying to live for others its my nature)

    nothing is happend but i imagined and worrying what i will do if something happened nagatively like that, these things comes to my mind often. because of this i am loosing my confident in my life

    Regards
    Buvana:hide:
     
  4. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Your colleagues and your views and opinions may differ. DO what you feel is good and what makes you happy. If doing something for someone makes you feel good, then you are a gem of a person. Never go by what others say. Each one has his own experiance.
     
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  5. sudhakrishna

    sudhakrishna Gold IL'ite

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    Welcome buvana to our IL. Here you will get lot of support and guidance. You can also express your opinion here.
    Hats off to you for supporting the joint family concept, Since you have told you are satisfying every one this shows you have understood every one. The reason for tension is may be time management. You want to do all the work by yourself. Instead you can share the work. You can delegate the work to others. If you tell kindly they will do willingly. Don't suppress your feelings. Every one has emotions. If you hide now later it will create problem or guiltiness. To some extend you can express you feeling this will help others to understand you. All the best
     
  6. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks to all. As a married girl i am doing whatever i know. In my birth home i got more affection from my parents and brothers. I feel that here i did not get it. i am more sentimental but in laws home all are practical persons including my husband. he is a good person but he is not express his love. whenever i discussed he used to say that i cant do just like you. now i thought he might have not love me :-(. i cant share this to anyone of my family since they might be feel that i am struggling after marriage it will affect them. i am suppressing all my pains within myself.

    By sharing this forum i feel happy. really i wish to say thanks to this forum. Hope someone got the same experience in yours life. I just want to know how to handle these situations thats it. I am expecting more caring from my husband. i didnt get it fully. If i informed this to him he will say that "you are more sentimental i am not like that"

    i am very lucky to get such a very good family. please help me to come out from my problem. whether i should stop the expectations from my husband or i should change my husband character.
     
  7. malaswami

    malaswami Platinum IL'ite

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    Welcome to IL

    Let me first say, just analyse wats around you in the house
    Then think twice before you act.
    Just go ahead with your thoughts in the right way after what is needed there
    Set right the things in amicable way, which are needed by others
    Love-Care-Affection, all will follow you in all walks of your life
    But, plan always wat to do, when to do, and how to do...

    LIFE WILL BE HAPPY FOR EVER..

    God Bless
     
  8. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks mala. I saw all your posts which you are posted in tamil to maintain the husband and wife relationship.

    In my home i am having co-sisters, she got married and came to my MIL home before 7 years. she is having two childrens. i am always comparing me with her. i am thinking that my MIL taking care her than me:-(. Indirectly i informed this to my husband. but no response. he said you are respecting and taking care of others much more so that you are expecting the same things from others. its wont happend.

    Here my doubt is whether i should stop the expectations????? I am helping and taking care my MIL more than my co-sister. but i did not get the affection from MIL as my co-sister getting. since i am a new person to this family might be they doesnt like me:-(. i am confusing lot:-(...

    I could not share this to anyone. Please help me to come out from this situation.
     
  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Buvi,

    In my birth home i got more affection from my parents and brothers. I feel that here i did not get it.

    i am more sentimental but in laws home all are practical persons including my husband. he is a good person but he is not express his love. whenever i discussed he used to say that i cant do just like you. now i thought he might have not love me . i cant share this to anyone of my family since they might be feel that i am struggling after marriage it will affect them.

    Try not to compare your parents' home and your in-law's place. Firstly, no two homes are the same. There will be differences. If you were to live on your own, you would in time find even you do things differently from your own mom. If you are newly married, it will take time for them to get used to you and you to them. So long as they are not hostile, don't worry. Some people are not demonstrative and emotional. That does not mean they are bad.

    Do only what you feel comfortable doing for them. If you feel you are bending too much, don't. If you feel like doing something for them, do it with all your heart and then don't think back to why you did it for them. And don't compare yourself with your co-sis. You two are different individuals. Accept that the mil-dil relationship may be different in her case. Or may be it is just that you perceive it that way. She may be having her own problems which you may not know about.

    So as for now, as long as there are no real problems, just enjoy yourself and "don't trouble troubles till troubles troubles you".

    You are pretty recently married and it will take time for you to feel at home in a strange environment. Try to keep negative feelings away. The moment they start creeping in, it becomes hard to be nice to anyone, then they will respond negatively too and it becomes a vicious circle.

    By the way, are you working? Do your parents live in the same city? Tell us something more about yourself and your interests.
     
  10. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your reply.

    I am working in Infosys.I am living in Chennai after got married. My parents home is in Trichy. three to four months once i went there. I am only one girl child to my parents.More chellam... :). My parents gave very good life to me they teached so many things from my childhood. i am always will say thanks to them.

    I am fully traditional girl.My interest is to keep the home as cleaned and showing the affection to others as much i can do. I am more sensitive and sentimental girl.

    Now a days the peoples are facing so many problems in their married life. its happened to my surrounding peoples as well. After seen those things i am getting afraid whether the same thing will hapend to my life( i know this is unnessary thinking but cant avoid it)

    Many times i asked myself whether i am doing good and will ask this regularly to my husband. he said you are a fully perfect. he is also loving me lot.

    as of now no problems between me MIL and my husband. many times i am missing care from my MIL.
     

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