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i am all alone!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sminu, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. sminu

    sminu New IL'ite

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    hi friends,

    i donot have anyone to share my grief with!please let me vent out that here.
    i been married for 4 years now and living in US.i have a 2 years old baby.i have anger issues and my husband uses that as a weapon to make me cry every day.Husband is 35years old but with me he behaves like a college guy who does bully his friends or like raging.sorry about my english.he repeats saying things twice or thrice until i reply and that drive me crazy.He really treats me like a servant who takes care of the baby.For eg,today when i was just putting some music on laptop and that time baby put something in his mouth that time DH was like"hey,baby took something from floor and putting in his mouth".i was so worried and asked him what did he put in his mouth did you see?.He was like,"how do i know?you are busy browsing right?"i was angry angry but the sametime felt like crying when i looked at my baby who was innocently smiling and munching chips that was dropped by husband.H doesnt like me even reading or looking somewhere else not even thinking for a second when baby is around.then he would abuses me ,calls me names,tells my baby that" you know your amma is absent minded,she is mad/she is crazy etc".i take care of my baby well.i don't even get time to eat when she is around because H doesnt take care of her.what more,he doesnt even care if i ask him to look after baby for five minutes when i got to restroom in the morning.I am very weak and tired always looking after the son,chores.I am tired of all mental torture i am going through.He has cheated on me once within 1 month after my delivery.I wonder hw many times he might have cheated on me.I have forgiven him that day because my paents were here and i didn't wan them to know about .So i wastrying to hide whole pain inside me .I dont trust or love him anymore.Frankly i dont have anywhere to go .

    i think he treats like this because she is so damn sure that i wont tell anyone about whatever he has done and doing me.i am helpless,i don't have money,no job or even friends.What i feel is to go to india and join some place where i could work and get accomodation.some place like hostel,asram or somewhere. I am fed up of my relatives(about my family i am posting in "relathioship with parents'' sub forum and H.i dont want to keeo any relationship with anyone.
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    First things first...

    4 yrs of married life and this is how he was behaving so you cannot turn him into a new leaf over night.
    You got to be tough, to make him learn some things around.
    Remember if he doesnt learn now, you may end up living with this person forever.....i.e no chance of he changing.


    Next ...steps to start...

    Be tough :)
    yes stop crying and getting worried for every little thing he says.
    Next time he starts bullying you or talking crap , just look straight at him and say ITS NOT FUNNY. Mind your words. and walk away.
    Give him the babyw hen he comes back from work and say you got to have bath. go to bath room and be there for atleast half hour. doesnt matter what you are doing or how many times he screams.
    It is his baby too and sometimes out of over affection on kids, some mothers like you tend to take on entire responsibility and even husbands take that to their advantage...i.e be free birds and act as if women are the ones who has to bear the children and nurture and take care of them and men will just earn money thats all.

    first start with these and see how it goes.

    Remember everytime he talks crap, dont avoid or dont cry. STand firm and say mind your words. I am not a kid and I know how to handle things. If you talk crap next time I wont take it. PERIOD.

    Also...please do something for yourself. i.e invest some personal time in hobbies or learn a new skill or start some home based business or do something tat will make you feel lively and active....dress well....make yourself more appealing...when you feel confident, others will take a step backward to make comments.

    You are never alone in this world...todays its your hubby who is bullying you...what if tomorrow your kids also do this to you??? so better start early and put people in their place.....everyone deserves love n respect and you too deserve these!!! beleive that and demand that!
     
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  3. poorwife

    poorwife New IL'ite

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    Dear sminu, lots of hugs to you. You are not the only one, i am in a same boat as well. i DO HAVE ANGER RELATED PROBLEMS AND peple take advange of it.Forget everyone and look after yourself. I do not have any support from anyone but have faith in yourself, people who are ignoring you today will come after you tomorrow.

    When You Are In The Light, Everything
    Follows You,
    But When You Enter Into The Dark, Even Your Own Shadow Doesn't Follow You."




    just have confidence in yourself.
     
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  4. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Just ignore your h.the more you give attention to him and the more you consider him he is going to drive you f you feel what you are doing is right-like browsing/listening to music just go ahead and do it.next time he says something about baby,be calm and attend to your child and do not react to him.
     
  5. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    You know you have anger issues and we can change ourselves not others so why don't you start there? Go to the library or used book store and get some books on anger management and start reading. Try to improve this aspect of your character...it will give you some initial relief. Then start objectively appraising your husband and whether he is a person that you can ever have a successful marriage with. If he is not, then start planning your exit of the marriage. There are times in life when things get so heavy on us that we feel that we are going underwater. It is these times that you just have to scrape up the will from deep within yourself to pull yourself out of your mess and go forward. This is that time for you.
     
  6. Anikha

    Anikha Silver IL'ite

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    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

    Dear Sminu,

    You are not alone.

    *** Be, proud , that you are a woman, not a man :))
    We, woman have the special ability to conceive and give birth to children.
    No man can do that.

    *** You already have a good education , which is your strength to find work.

    *** Since , you already have seen the negative side of a man, you will be more careful in future.


    when he calls you names, tell him , " give respect and take respect" , and walk out of the room. I raised two kids, with out any help from my hubby or and relatives. He is a great dad, but he was very busy during our kids early years.

    As the old saying goes, "it takes a village to raise a child". Yet, I have some suggestions , to work out on your marriage.

    1. Take shower , during the baby's nap time. ( I used to do that)
    2. You could eat and still talk to the baby.
    ( come on , u r in U.S., people multitask, haven't you seen people eat as they drive.)
    3. Stop crying,over come your self pity.

    4. show him, that you are strong, could do things with out his help.
    5. when u r hubby call u names, remind his manners.don't talk to him , do not share bed until he apologies.
    6. If he still treats you like crap, then its time to walk out. ( divorce should be the last option)
    7. You will have to leave the baby to him, as you don't make money now to support baby.
    8. Once you are on your own, you go back to ( if you are on dependent visa) India.

    9. since , you are educated, ( as you know English & can type ) , you could find a decent job
    in India.Stay in working women's hostel , work hard toward to earn higher studies & reach a high stage.
    10. Then you could visit your baby and even consider to find your soul mate .


    Do not burn bridges, get divorce in a decent way. so, you would not have trouble time contacting him
    to see your baby in future.

    Be strong, husband is not the whole world.There are thousands of ladies who live happily with out
    a male companion.

    look at Mother Theresa , Oprah , Tamilnadu CM Jaya Lalitha, bengal CM Mamatha Benerjee, UP Lion Mayavati ,
    etc ladies who live \ lived with their own rules &dignity.

    Good Luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2011
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  7. sminu

    sminu New IL'ite

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    Hi Srividya75,

    As you said my over affection on kid the thing which make me helpless.the matter is my kid's lead content in blood is a bit high so sometimes i am like a paranoid who doesnt trust my so mean husband to take care of him.But i tried today to be tough,its working 10% now.I guess it will work if i wont blow it up because of my anger.Finger crossed,i just hope everything will change for good.My kid is a smart one that is why i feel so sad when thinking ,what if he pick up all bad manners from his daddy.I would try my level best to improve my life.thanks you very much for your reply.
     
  8. sminu

    sminu New IL'ite

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    poorwife,

    dear,hugs to you too.May God give you strength to go through this phase.lets try to be srong and take a step to anage our anger.thanks for the reply
     
  9. sminu

    sminu New IL'ite

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    Last edited: Dec 19, 2011
  10. sminu

    sminu New IL'ite

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    HI anikha,JGVR and all,

    thanks friends for the reply.i will try to be tough and stop crying..
     

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