Husband very typical.horrible married life.

Hi Ladies,


Not sure where to start and what exactly to start..Sorry for the very long post,please bear with me and provide your suggestions improvise the marriage.
Brief abt me, married for 4.6 yrs & have 2.9 yr old DD,works in MNC india last 8.6 yrs.very well educated with excellent academics. am 29 and H is in 32.I have either inlaws or parents to look after my kid.we earn same sal.
My H is very typical guy,till now have not seen like him.
1) this is actual issue,he is very close to one of his ex-female colleague, they used to i think they still chat when I am nt around.she calls my H as daddy,even I saw
their few chats,nthing wrong words in it.she got close to him by sharing her problems with my H, hers is love marriage,her parents didn't accept,her H has some old love affair,some huge financial problems, she don't have any one to share and she found my H like her daddy's nature, started sharing..and she asked my H not share with anyone ,not even with me also as ppl think bad abt her husband. her H is gud but he was in contact with his ex-GF for few months intially just mails/chats nthing more than that..I got to knw from H very recently after 3 yrs after very huge horrible fights.still we have horrible huge fights..it goes very bad extent.If I see messgae from her, my blood boils, I start behaving very differntly immediately out of my control during that time.I can't bear her chats even GM also..I hate her to an extent.even I informed her that, we were having fights still she continues but felt reduced.even her husband knows abt tehir chats,also tht I don't like they both doing chatting, but he says itseems he has trust on his W and also my H.my H likes her I mean he has soft corner..I got very horrible CID brain, I try to see his emails,mesgs,chat history,calls log, but he deletes everything due to my nagging behaviour.I am fine, if he chats once in while, but why daily updates. ..I tried to talk with my husband, no se at all..tried mnay times last three years still same I feel (due to my suspicious nature). I am not able to change my behaviour also..since last 3 years, I am having hoorible life due to this. her entire family close to us but nowadays I stopped talking with her completly.For every 3 days, we will have fight bcoz of her. If I chat with him, I get a feeling that,he might be doing with her like this etc etc.. He lies just to avoid fights,if i get to know truth later, again I will start fight.same story happening since last 3 years. We have good sex life as well..

My H, trusts me very well, i do have male frends but I talk occasionally, he won't check my mails/chats anything.


2) recently been to onsite for short term where I been to frends place, I saw 3 couples, they show their love every much, I felt like,why my life is like this,
H hardly speaks by himself, even I ask also he syas hmm,Ok etc.he don't like to take photos,never put hands while taking photos, hardly i have photograps,never helps in kitchen,i may sound childish but i feel he won't show his at all.If I aks him, he says, if i take photos, if I call by sweet names then only u think love is there.
I know he is correct but we expect right few times.one incident, last new yr, we were taking all teh couples(frends) photos,everyone putting their hands,holding their wifes, only I am left out, I felt like odd man out..atlast, his frend mentioned, arey baba, put hand, we don't feel in funny way then he had kept..like this i have numerous incidents, not only photos everything..hardly talks general things..he is like this only since his chidlhood i guess, even his mother complains, he won't speak much, will ask hw they are but yea he take care of their financials everything.he never takes me anyhwere for birthday,never give gifts,never celebrates,no cake,no surprise parties nothing..he won't call me with lovely nothing I cans ay..I feel he is a big jerk.he never express his love.


Finance side, I have full freedom, we both manage everything and also he will tell me even he draw 1000 rs also..we are very transparent on this part, I can buy
whatever I want as long as we have money. my Husband drinks regularly I can say once in a week for sure (after he drunk, he talks with me nicely for few min and goes to bed), I hate drinking initially but now gt adjusted as no choice left out.I want him to reduce the frequency this habit but he won't. He loves my DD also very much.


I have only one life, want to enjoy my life with my husband like other couple but my behaves with me like 18th century guy when it comes to me.I feel jealous when I see other couples.why my life left like this. Try to speak with him many times but no use. his heart is like big rock when it comes to me only..he won't care for my feelings at all I feel.


So ladies, please suggest me to improvise my marriage. all these things runs in my mind always..What I should do.please pour thoughts. sorry for long post, not sure what I have written bcoz I was crying while writing this.

 

Please provide ur suggestions guys...

 

She came into picture after marriage only. I am trying to change my nature but he breaks it by lying something..before she came into our life's, I used believe him very blindly...even he knows tht....any more suggestions please

 

Thanks for your reply RedRUby..she came into our life after marriage and husband invited her family for dinner so we came to know like that..and they also got close as they worked in same office, she started sharing her problems.
still she has some huge financial problems,my husband won't help, just listens,console whatever.no support for her from her parents..my husband is not talktive very much with her but he interested in chatting thts for sure..earlier he never used to chat, he got the this habit from her..


I also have similar thoughts like you..atleast when we got know from person who is suffering she shud stop but stil continues that I don't like but not sure who continues..husband also have fault in it..nothing continues without two sides.
I hate females who try flirt with other married men.she calls daddy daddy...and chats are also nthing wrong words but bit closeness in calling each other like hw we call sister and brother. I feel daily chatting/calls is not required whatever problem it is. god only can help in this.


moment I see, i start asking him immediately which is my fault. I also used to talk with her earlier, been many times to her house though I fought with my husband bcoz of her.Sometimes I feel she plays double game may be bcoz I hate her or actually whether she does that..god knows.


since last 1 yr I stopped talking, I don't have access to his SMS bcoz he deletes due to my nagging/fighting nature he says..


Now onwards, I am planning to stop nagging, I will not check his mobile/mail whatever.I will concentrate on my looks,career and my life. let me be happy with myself. let me enjoy myself. Why I should bother unnecessiarly..I will do atleast this for 3 months and see if any change comes up in my husband..weakness of mine, I love my husband verymuch more than myself and he knows that..

 

Thanks for ur suggestion Rihana!!!
Agree with you..he has everything why he will change..but what to do..Atleast he will be happy if I stop nagging him and he may stop his chat and he may stop lying..just hoping. It is very tough for me to change my nature as well..I need to put lot of effort.let me see how it goes. Please suggest if I can do better any other way..

 

Ha ha Good one..he don't like chatting , i think he like chatting with her may be additicted to her chatting might be ..even I chat with him when I was away like onsite,away from ofc but those very routine I feel, like whatsup,had fud,where r u etc etc..