Husband Is Very Short Tempered

Does he do this at work? Or just among friends & family with whom there are no noticeable consequences?
Has it always been this way or is this something recent?

 

You did not mention what makes him short tempered. Is there a pattern or he just sees anyone and starts jumping. Not that i am supporting him, but atleast more details are better.

 

How long has this behavior been going on? Is he under a lot of stress at work? And has he had a complete physical checkup done at the doctor's recently? Not to make excuses, but some medical conditions can make people highly irritable so a doctor's appointment may be helpful.
If none of these apply then you should insist on him going to counseling. This behavior is unacceptable.

 

If he's not willing to change the only question then is what are you willing to do about it? Either you can overlook this issue and work around it, or it becomes such a big issue that it overshadows all of his good qualities and you can't live with it anymore. Are you at a point where you would want to separate with him because of this? Otherwise, it sounds like he will not fundamentally change and you will need to figure out how to work around this issue - like going out without him, etc.

 

So there you have your answer.
When there are likely to be negative consequences for his actions, he is able to remain in control. In situations where the consequences are minor to non-existent, he indulges his anger. Since this has been going for over a decade, it is not an acute behavioral change with a potentially physical/medical basis. Either he is venting his stress in social situations or this is a failure of character. He is unlikely to change unless you give him reasons to do so.

 

I understand, you are in a hard position, but no one should have to live in fear of their spouse's temper and anger. If someone is unable to regulate their emotions to that extent, or they choose not to, it is not fair to be subjected to that. If you are willing to walk out of the marriage, what steps do you need to take to be able to do so? Are you financially independent? Do you have a support system? Sometimes just taking these steps to become more independent may effectuate a change in your spouse because now they have a real reason to "behave" or else face consequences.