Husband hurts himself when angry..

You are married for 6 months after having known him for a year & a half. You should be knowing his past about the ex right?

Why did you bring that up now? It should have been before getting married right?

Please don't mistake me for having asked these questions.

If you know the reason then bringing it up again is not advisable. Soup boys & soup girls undergo the same emotions when talked about the past. There is plenty of pain on the break up and it hurts the ego so much that when one realizes that he is a loser - extreme behavior is un avoidable. He also gets upset for the fact that you shouldn't use it to your advantage & control him.

I suggest you don't bring this up again - if he is unable to come over that pain, he needs counseling.

 

Is this the first time you have seen him this angry? Have you ever seen him angry with anyone else or get upset about anything else?

 

Dear Spekha

Welcome to Indus Ladies !!

I am guessing yours is a love marriage unless you got engaged and then courted for 1 and 1/2 yrs. So you knew about his temper before you got married. I think a year - year and half is sufficient time to know certain details about the spouse viz temper, what he/she likes to eat, if he/she is moody or touchy about a specific subject etc.

I am not sure why you brought the topic of Ex after 6 mths of marriage. My guess is you knew about his Ex in those 1 and 1/2 yrs ( Not sure if you brought up the topic in those months and if his reaction was the same).

But there are different types of people in this world who try to face the situation put before them in different ways, some will talk and discuss, some will just keep quiet and not talk, some will be angry if you brought the topic up, hit the spouse or shout at the spouse so that the spouse won't bring up the topic again and some will behave in an extreme fashion as your husband did.

I feel that your husband has his way of dealing with his past by acting very defensively and at the same time very aggressively. I think he may have had a bad breakup where in the girl may have broken his trust and married someone else. Hence his reacting this way. I cannot advice you if you should bring up the topic again or not. Maybe if someone knows about his ex and what happened between him and her, try to find out ( if you are so interested in his PAST) and then you can make him comfortable about it and ask him his side of the story.

 

You live in US. A spouse (or family member) threatening suicide or injury to himself/herself is categorized as level 4 domestic abuse. So tell him calmly, that next time he pulls such stunts, you are calling the emergency and reporting such act. You have a right to lead an abuse free life and you should take such things very seriously.

 

I second sweetshreya. Whether you brought up the matter of his ex is immaterial..if not talking about ex something else would trigger his temper tantrums.. His reaction is not normal.next time if he starts throwing these kinds of temper issues calmly step out of that room/ lock yourself away if you feel threatened and after he calms down make your point clear ..that you will not take these kind of behaviour kindly..he might need anger counselling therapy ..what ever you do put your foot down that his behaviour is not at all acceptable

 

Spekha-

I read your thread before you edited it.. only reason why I am asking is because I had the same incident occur.. where he got a knife.. only he asked me to cut him with it. I have been there and know how scary it is, only thing is my ex husband constantly had a bad temper. So that is why I am asking you if he is always like this regarding other topics as well.. or have you seen him get angry with anyone else before? If this is only the one incident you have seen where he gets this mad I think you should just sit with him and talk about how his anger made you feel and that he shouldnt have that kind of an outburst again.. you guys can come up with a mutual decision on how to communicate on sensitive topics so that kind of incident doesnt happen again. If he gets angry more frequently than you mentioned.. do mention it here if you are comfortable.. you will get many suggestions that may help you.