Husband doesnt trust my parents

Hi kdkdkd,

It happens very often financial matters do cause rifts in relations be it any relation. Not always people are open and situations could be demanding. So its better to avoid such situation if you want a healthy relationship between your husband and your parents.
And if you look at it carefully you all haven't really been transparent or kept him in loop about the incidents. Initially your dad said he would transfer in your Indian account then cancelled after your husband loaned and now he is not getting any fixed deadlines. Also 5lac may not be "just" for everyone. You trust your dad because you are his daughter but he doesn't know your family as well as you do. So it is obviously difficult for him to build that trust and if such changes happen it gets even worse. Its upto you how you build his trust towards your family.
Also you should not think his money and your family. Its your money and your dad's family same as his dad's family. You are his partner and if you are planning for your future and the money is important its not outrageous that he is worried. Same applies for his family too. Now outsiders may think why your cousins marriage and nani's house was more important that the commitment your dad made to you guys? And was it too unplanned that your dad didn't consider it before promising.
He is not completely wrong in comparing. If I can't afford some course I would rather find some job or work and make myself capable than putting burden on my family and strain on relationships.
Think about it.
Sorry if I hurt you or you find it offensive i'm not judging or criticizing I am just trying to show the other side.
Vaidehi

 

Well, your dad did fail to keep up his word multiple times, isnt it, so how would your H trust him any more? The only way, I see things could have been different was if your H and your dad had direct interaction, about deposits in the Indian account. So atleast now, make sure there is some transparency between your H and your dad, where they directly interact, and see how to work things out. Yes, it often happens, that a person cannot keep up his word, for whatsoever reason. But, where there is more transparency, there are lesser issues.

 

lot of us would think same way in initial years of marriage.But later you will realize what went wrong today.
people always have cash crunches and they never get finishes even for billionaire.Only people need to make ther priorities.Since your dad felt others are important than giving money back to you,so he took care of other things.May be he did because of your confidence.But in your marriage things won't work that way.

Suppose if your husband had given 5laks to your in-laws,do you wait for it or you keep asking about it?So at least now ask your dad to pay the amount back.Actually your husband had been generous.Not many people do that.

Don't compare the things which happened before marriage and now.He had been nice and not it's your dad turn to pay off the money and tell your husband that it's soly your issue and not your dad's issues and you thought things would be ok.

 

Studying undergrad in US. Isn't that lavish spending?
In kannada we have saying "hasige idhastu kalu chachu" means "stretch your legs as long as the cot"
Your bro should have planned ahead. Any way you can't tell your dad and bro and dh what to do? Every one are adults. Better leave your h to deal with it so he is aware of everything. Even if you deal with it you should be letting your h know about it. Both of you are a team and I am sure you would want your h to be same with you.

 

kd.. you have to wake up as Priya has mentioned.

Also what you claim as your part of earning in the combined account... have you factored your cost of education if your husband paid for it.

Maybe when you were letting your dad go ahead in spending for your nani and cousin sis.. you might have included a nod from your husband... also he's still paying your bro's phone bills... Can you ask for a better person than your current husband and still blame him for lack of trust?

 

@above all
can u help me out....loosing my mental balance n unable to concentrate on my studies n baby
got married in 2010 n cudnt finish mtech as i had to move to US along with him..!til now i nvr evr askd him anythng..infact i adjusted evryway i cud..he got 2nd hand bed,slept on it n faced many problems as it got bugs..im jus tryng to make u ppl understand..he gives 25k n sometimes 50k a mnth to his fathr whoz working as manager in steelpnt..he earns arnd 80k a mnth..!but nvr questioned him abt dat ...but feeling myslf low y should we hav to lead such a normal life,if evr we hav the amnt we can go for outing ..we can get good furniture or we can lead a bettr lyf..!im blessd wid baby boy may 2011 n he tried convincing me take 2nd hand things to my son..i was very firm n said 'no' to him n askd him if evr he has problm in buying all 1st hand,he can let me take intrst of the dowry i gave n i can buy watevr i want as per my wish..but things went wrong n i realized my money is no more..it was ivested in land n it got registerd in my inlaws name...i cudnt realize its effect then..i was very furious then but dint say a word agnst my husbdn..i hav been in india for past 6 mnths n i dont even hav 100rs wen my son fell seriously ill..i had to depend on my mom for all my xpenses..i used to commute 300 km by train to complte my mtech...my husband dint deposit money in my accnt listening to sil n mil n fil...i had tough time..my mom used to spend for me but used to pull my leg or always used to meind me dat im surviving n studying becoz of her support..!i hav bcome helpless...
loosing mental balance n donno wat to do..sometimes i feel im be capable of raising my son..!
itz okay if my husbnd say hez supporting me..but i jus cant digest wen mom saying the same..i want to take a break..run far away frm evryone..!

 

Sorry to divert the thread for Lucky
Hi Lucky,
Your baby is really cute!
Ignore your Moms taunts , why is she behaving like a MIL? Ask your DH to send funds pronto or he will not get to touch your salary later!
Hope he doesnt think that your parents will foot alll your bills. Stop fighting with him on giving money to PIls, he should do the necessary for you first.
This too shall pass , soon you will complete your studies and earn a good salary. Cheer up!

 

OP:

Two things here. First thing the lack of communication, which led to all this friction. And another, that all the friction ended up with your H going a bit overboard now (also because he might feel that he is being taken for a ride, with his FIL not returning his money, and making other investments). Try to re-create some positivity between the 2 parties, your parents and H. And again, please be open to your parents as well as H. With you not telling your parents about the trip, you are going to dig your own hole deeper. So the best way out of this, is open communication between all the concerned parties. I would suggest calling up your parents, when your h is around, or put it on speaker, and frankly say, our budget seems tight , so we will have to postpone your trip. Well any reasonable parent would understand and let it be. Thats what I would do if I were you. Infact, before my parents visited me, we did have budget talk, and they were worried, that I might go overboard. So why not say the same? Well, atleast after this talk, your H will understand that you are on his side, and things will start getting more smoother. That will be my suggestion! Good luck!