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Husband After Fight Treatment..plz Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Prabh, Oct 10, 2017.

  1. Oct 10, 2017 #1
    Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

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    Hi all

    First let me tell you about past 4_5 days i had fight with my husband .. a really really bad one and that too on a very small issue..
    Now i realised that fight could have been avoided at many stages when we were fighting and if i culf have maintained my voice my anger the scenario would have been very different.. no doubt somewhere we both were wrong but to maintain the relationship i tried to say sirry billion million times..he somehow got convinced ans starred talking but just day after fight we had our anniversary and he dint eveb bothered to wish me..i wished him but he was like more hurted after fight and don't want to celebrate or it was just a day for him..i took it very practically and i made myself understand that it happens may b he needs time...we stayed at home whole day busy in our baby daily routine and dint celebrated.
    But now problem is he is talking to me normally but he bit away from me... we dont have any argument..i told him i will change myself.. i know fight was worst but i am sorry i will stay quiet when one person is angry... he listen hut dont say anything.. i am taking things day to day very practically that after fight effects and he will be normal... but internally i am broken... i miss him i love him... i missed my anniversary ... i miss that hug that everything he gave me... he is taking care of me as he used to do in small small things but he is avoiding some things... i cant stay away from him for long time... i know all persons are different to adapt to things..he is taking time but i have a fear he is going so far from me.... he is not open to me...we have our daliy routines back to normal.. we are discussing everything but about us about we both we dont have anything to talk....
    I am missing he holding me.... evrything ab him

    Please help me what to do now in present situation ...
     
    Prabh, Oct 10, 2017
    Prabh, Oct 10, 2017
    #1
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  2. Oct 10, 2017 #2
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Relax dear, give him some more time , behave as normal. If you want to hug or kiss him, do it. Everything will be fine.
     
    DDream, Oct 10, 2017
    DDream, Oct 10, 2017
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    nandinimithun and Nonya like this.
  3. Oct 10, 2017 #3
    Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    Relax... each time you say sorry, you are bringing up stuff you are both trying to forget and move on.

    In the west there is the concept of make-up-sex. when the fight is over, and neither one of them is stupid enough to keep bringing it up, this would happen. Sometimes, the couple would kill those specific brain cells <that have the stored data about the fight/arguments/the hurtful things that was said> with some champaign (or arrack, if that is what they could afford) and then all will be well.

    People who fight too much will end up getting a divorce just to save their liver.
     
    Nonya, Oct 10, 2017
    Nonya, Oct 10, 2017
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  4. Oct 11, 2017 #4
    senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    I am almost in the same boat. frequent fights like this on trivial things happen and we use harsh words one each other. later after aday or two things are somewhat back to normal, But the core differences , wht led to the fight still remains in both of us minds. Due to these fights,(Though we revert back to normal) some distance has now happened. I also worried on how to fix this. But without the root cause fxing can issues be fixed? I do not know.
     
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
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  5. Oct 11, 2017 #5
    senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Such fights drives away hapiness in marriage, but at the sametime, compromising on our own values and allowing things also drives away hapiness , but the fight can be avoided. I do not kniw how to strike the balance. someone please help me
     
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
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  6. Oct 11, 2017 #6
    Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I usually am in your husbands role. His voice, anger, hurtful words. a thousand sorry's wont wipe away the hurt that caused those words. I am in the receiving end, like your husband is.
    Know that it takes time. We want you to continue to approach us. Dont bother with sorry's. They dont mean a thing anymore.

    just try not to be hurtful again.
     
    Rakhii, Oct 11, 2017
    Rakhii, Oct 11, 2017
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    senoritaaa likes this.
  7. Oct 11, 2017 #7
    senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    In my case, It sometimes me at the receiving end and sometimes it him.sometimes he is harsh and sometimes its me.
     
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
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  8. Oct 11, 2017 #8
    senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    What are your coping mechanisms for this. What can we do so that the contnioyus anger , does not evolve to hatred??Pls help
     
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
    senoritaaa, Oct 11, 2017
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  9. Oct 11, 2017 #9
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    If you sense that the argument/fighting is going to begin, walk away from the scene. When one is in angry mode, they talk many things just win the situation, don't take that in to your heart. If something happens, give some time to heal.

    Also you need to find a space for yourself instead of focusing your time/energy on husband. You need your own world to relax and don't depend on anyone for happiness beyond a limit.

    If you want to convey any message, talk in a calm and clear away when both of you are in a happy or relaxed mood. Complaining/ arguing etc wont work. Communication is the key.
     
    DDream, Oct 11, 2017
    DDream, Oct 11, 2017
    #9

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