Gujju Makes You Laughs Gujju Makes You Laughs :rotfl Q: How do Gujju's pronounce the word 'fatigue'? A: FAA-TEE-GEE-U! Q: What do you call a gujju with no knees? A: NILESH(Knee-less). Q: Why didn't the Gujju get married? A: He could not find a proper HOLE (Hall). Q: How did the Gujju help the female who was getting wet in the rain? A: He RAPED( Wrapped) her in his raincoat. Q: What did a Gujju say when a raw mango fell on doctor's head. A:KERI(Carry) on Doctor. Q: Why did Bill Clinton have the gujju beaten? A: The gujju told him "You are a very IMPOTENT(Important) man" Q: Why won't the gujju jeweler sell anything to the UP ka Bhayiya? A: The bhayiya kept giving gujju a bunch of hair each time the gujju asked for KESH(Cash). Q: What will a Gujju tell a tomato, coming last in a tomato race? A: Tomato KETCHUP(Catch-Up). Q: Why did the gujju go to Rome ? A: He wanted to listen to POPE(Pop) music. Q: Why did Gujju touch Pope's feet ? A: To feel the POP-CORN(Pope-Corn) Q: What did the Gujju mean when he said, "Ramesh no dikro STATES ma gayon"? A: Ramesh's son FAILED in STATISIICS.... Q: What did the Gujju have in the morning? A: LIGHT SNAKES(Snacks) for breakfast. Q: What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute? A: You are going from BAD(Bed) To WORSE(Verse). Q: Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"? A: They read BEHN(Ben) Kingsley did the acting :rotfl
Japanese baby [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif]Japanese baby :tongue In a Japanese house a baby was born. It had tiny eyes, nose, ears and mouth so they named him Iingwingwong. Soon a second baby was born. It also had tiny ears, eyes, nose and mouth. They named him Chingwingwong. Then the third was born. It had BIG ears, eyes, nose and mouth. The parents thought for long and at last named him Somethingwrong. [/font]
Laloo gets a job in MS (USA) Laloo gets a job in MS (USA) Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply: Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks Bill Gates. Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga. Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee. No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi. Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad. Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva. . tongue:tongue
Searching for wife - [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif] [/font][font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif]Searching for wife ( Classified Wanted Brides)[/font][font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif] Fisherman Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat. Salesman Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career! Economist I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest. Mathematician Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit. IT Consultant Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue. Businessman Wife wanted for company. Politician I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point) Car Dealer Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition. Farmer Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading. Lawyer I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever. Pilot Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!! Banker Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service. Shaayar Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh, Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey sarey sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey. Accountant Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family. Sharabi Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample. Minicab Driver Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus. Beggar Allah kay naam peh koi ek biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah balley karrey, Tujhey ek key balley doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey! Builder Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up. Doctor I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me. Army Commando My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided. RaceCar Driver A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace! Astronaut I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world! :bang:bang:bang [/font]
Kbc [font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif][font=Arial,Helvetica,Sans Serif]KBC [/font] A KBC program in star plus Amitabh to Santa Singh : apka 13th question 25 lakh yeh raha apke samne.. Contestant Santa Singh is tensed. Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachan Computer Screen: A. Amitabh Bachan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav > C. Moh. Azhar D. General Perverz Musharaff. Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ? ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A) But Santa is still confused. (Santa never thought that such an easy quesiton would be posed to him for 25 lakhs) Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..(50:50 and phone a friend) Santa: I think it is A but............ Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm Ap kya karna chahenge? Santa : I would like to use 50:50? Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de.. Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: - B. Laloo Prasad Yadav. C. Moh. Azhar. Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this mistake, but as is said in bollywood the show must go on. Now Santa is confused. Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend.. Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge? Santa : Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga. Amitabh Fainted !!!!! :rotfl:rotfl:rotfl [/font]
No person can consider herself wise unless she can laugh at herself. So please don't view this piece of humour (which was forwarded to me by a lady friend) with feminist's eyes. Just read through and laugh it out. And if you want to seek revenge on men, post a joke to do that. Varalotti A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender." MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up 6. Attempt to insert card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert card. 9. Reinsert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook. 18. Recheck makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve card 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided. 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.
I don't know whether this is the right thread! See I have implemented what I said in my last humour post. The first two statements tantamount to my laughing at my own profession. I am not sure whether I should post it here or in the work and career section for the recruitment procedure followed by some companies are worse than this. HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB > > Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation. > > * If they are counting the bricks; Put them in the Accounts Department. > > * If they are recounting them; Put them in Auditing. > > * If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks; Put them in Engineering. > * If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order; Put them in Planning. > > * If they are throwing the bricks at each other; Put them in Operations. > > * If they are sleeping; Put them in Security. > > * If they have broken the bricks into pieces; Put them in Information Technology. > > * If they are sitting idle; Put them in Human Resources. > > * If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a bric k has been moved; Put them in Sales. > > * If they have already left for the day; Put them in Marketing. > > * If they are staring out of the window; Put them on Strategic Planning. > > * If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved; Congratulate them and put them in Senior Management.
Bad News Bad News [font=Verdana,]During Marine Basic Training Camp a Captain received information that the mother of one of the recruits had passed away. The Captain calls Sergeant Black into his office and tells him, "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died." "Yes Sir!" says Black. That morning as the men were lined up Black bellows out, "Hup, hey, ho, ho. Jones your mother died." Jones falls over with a heart attack. A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, "Black, you need to tell Private Smith his mother died. But this time use some tact. I don't want to lose another good recruit. "Yes Sir!" Black answers. This time when the men are lined up Black yells out, "Okay. All you men with living mothers take one step forward - NOT SO FAST, SMITH!" tongue:tongue [/font]
New Kilt New Kilt [font=Verdana,]In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!" So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it." So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?" "Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed. "Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here. "Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly. Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!" clap:clap [/font]
