howz your relationship with your co-sis??

Hi Zainab..
Congrats..Please welcome her with open arms and heart.Don,t keep any prejudices or apprehensions. Whatever fears you have,she must be having the same.You became a member of this family much before,so she'll be looking for your co-operation and advice..
Regarding comparisons,it is inevitable.Inlaws do such foolish things without thinking about the repercussions.Don't fall into the trap.You have made a place for you already,so you don't have to prove anything to anyone..
Some devilish MILs or other relatives have fears that the two DILs might gang up against them so,they try to create such fears and rifts..
If you both are going to stay under one roof,you'll have to be doubly warm and cautious..Otherwise,there isn't much to worry..
So relax and welcome the new member:thumbsup

 

I am also first dil and the second dil came a year back. She is totally opposite to my character , I am talkative, good cook, very active and good in studies , worked in Mnc . My co-sis is very slow in her activities like snail, do not know abc of cooking, studied bachelor degree but we both are more or less equal in financial matters but still my co- sis mom try to do more for her after knowing what my parents done for me during rituals.apart from all these crap we both are good friends, I constantly make sure to talk to her almost everyday on phone and share baby care details. Through that we became good friends. We both started to munch my mil badly;-). Of course we both have same problem with mil.

What I wanted to say you, mil is always mil. But we are in this generation , forget all the crap and accept her whole heartedly. If u both are good friends you can overcome lot of problem in family especially mil issues

 

Now for the query made by you regarding my co-sis..
She is quite elder to me and came in this family nearly a decade before me..She is warm,fun loving and very caring.
Infact she was the first member to break ice with me after my DH.She made me feel really loved and cared.Overall a very warm and caring person as far as relations with me are concerned..

But there is a second side as well- When something comes where doing something for MIL or SIL is concerned,or there is something regarding them,she is smart..She must have learnt over the period of time how to safeguard her own interests.Although she shared quite many negative things about MIL and SIL with me initially and now also does that but its like-she'll be with me till we have common interests..
As soon as something comes up where she has to safeguard her own interests,she becomes selfish..
And yes,she uses my name a lot to gather support for her like-shweta too feels like this etc..
She discloses our chats to BIL and sometimes to MIL/SIL also..I minimised sharing with her when I came to know that..
Very nicely she has diverted MIL and SIL to us..I mean now we are the ones who always are the hosts for family gatherings..She has stopped calling MIL/SIL on some pretext or other so its finally me who ends up having MIL almost whole od the year and SIL too whenever they have vacation..
Plus,she is smart in extracting information and then she uses it in her favour..

I have started understanding her nature now but the damage is done.We have really become the duty beareres for everything..

I remember,one poster had warned me when I posted my problem in this forum initially that relation with co-sis is a delicate one and I should tread carefully.But I got fooled by her face value and she is smart enough to have branded me as the bad DIL despite of doing more for MIL and SIL..

But still I think that she is a decent lady.Obviously she is going to prioritise her own interests and peace of mind over mine..

 

Are you sounding like a typical MIL (and he is not even your son!) or is it just me! :hide:If you are, then no wonder MILs are MILs!!!

 

Hi zainab,
I am in the same situation too - my younger BIL is getting married in september and since my MIL does not have any daughters, I was the first girl to enter their home. My MIL is ok at the outset - she doesnt have the usual drama of interference and financial dependance - but she is extremely dominating and very very good at finding faults with me. She has a really bad case of superiority complex and has taken double standards for a lot of issues with me. In front of my DH and FIL - we have no problems, but inside me - there is a volcano ready to burst.
My future co-sis has started calling me on the fone. I am very jovial with her , but one day she specifically asked me "didi, how is our MIL - is she good with you?" Even though my mind told me to warn her, I did not say anything that was negative - bcos I knew it was not fair. Let her come to the family and make her own impressions is what I thought. Finance wise, we are at the same level - but my MIL does not like my parents due to a number of reasons. So she deliberately tries to be a little over courteous to my future co-sis' parents. I dont care about it.
I am going to keep an open mind to my would-be co sis and support her in a new home and try to make her comfortable (something no one ever did for me).

 

My H doesn't have a real brother... but a few cousins from a very close knit family... so maybe my experience may not fit to yours exactly... but here's what I felt....

- There's an obvious comparison on the amnt of spending done by other DILs and its always more than mine... I take it... ok... since I din't have that much... I have your son :rotfl.
- Even tho the parties are richer than me... the gifts are much lower and MIL has to do a coverup for me each time.
- Those DILs are being treated nicely... cos there's always a fear looming that they shudn't start living with the husb separately, there'd been a learning curve at MIL level.
- They don't get mean taunts from their SILs... and the SILs have been CIVIL to those DILs.
- Now sometimes they compare that since I live away from all am allowed to wear sleeveless and get privacy and they're being monitored. Eg: missed periods, what they eat, when they burp, whom they meet, what they do etc etc....
- Since the other DILs interact more... they get tagged as mean, manner less, lazy, arrogant etc etc... and I get away with the title of JUST "SON SNATCHER" and family breaker.
- We maintain a safe distance and limit to FB LIKES and cheerful chats whenever meet in person.....

 

Hi OP,

I'll suggest that you be secure about yourself first. When one of my DH's brother got married, ILs had done damage by saying I was too arrogant since I earn and am from a well off family. And to me they'd said hat the girl is really sweet and respectful even though she has a doctorate in science. Plus that she is the proper bahu material since that was an arranged marriage! I must say I had misgivings.

We didn't really gel much for about a year since we were anyway indifferent countries and only spoke when the brothers chatted. When we met after a year we were wary initially but then I realised what a gem she was. Totally sweet and loving. I was aiming to only exude friendliness like meeting a friend's wife. We now get on great. We both share and laugh whatever nonsense mil might have spouted and think up ways to deal with certain overbearing things.

Of course until you know the person better, best to be diplomatic but warm and friendly. Also remember she might need winning over as you also are part of her ILs to begin with.

 

Only one rule:Welcome her warmly and never bad mouth about your MIL to your co sis..you never know when it will blow up in your face.
I don't have a cosis but 2 SIL and have a great relation with both.

 

I personally feel cosis is 'devil in disguise'..we can nevr ever read their mind ....I personally feel cosis can never be our sis and we should nvr evr share things,may it be related to family,finance or what so evr..not advisable..!
I tried my best not to say anything about in laws when I met her 1 year aftr marriage,as far as I remebr I dint humiliate any of my inlaws,she was on complaining spree and talked all non sense and was craving for sympathy,but only aftr a week when my husband called me and told me that my bil,cosis constantly pestering him to file for dicorce since I passed derogatory comments on in laws..only then I realized my mistake of being cordial for 4 hours costed me bad tag line..to be frank im not that outspoken and I did nothing when compared to her talking ill about in laws..i dint let my husband kno for the fear of her falling in trouble and kept calm but she played a wise game..!
since then I neither care to talk to her or say hi,but she tries her hard to mingle with me but I always keep her at distance..if you ask me,we don't share healthy relationship..ty being cordial but never open up with cosis or don't evr try to vent out or share with her about inlaws..