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How's your relationship with your Mother-in-Law?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by amritha, Aug 13, 2005.

  1. amritha

    amritha New IL'ite

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    Hi LAdies...
    How is ur relation with ur MIL? I thought i had a good one until last yr...when she strated scereaming at me.....and this yr..when i was in india with her...she screamed at me again. Now i dont care abt her at all.I am least bothered abt whats happening in my inlaws life or with their daughter and her family. So am i a bad person now?
     
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  2. Roshni

    Roshni Local Champion Staff Member Senior IL'ite

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    It's part of life...

    Hi Amritha,

    You have posted an interesting question...relationship with M-I-L!

    It is difficult to be good or bad all times in any relationship for that matter. You have mentioned about your M-I-L screaming at you twice. Though I don't know about the real incidence in which she screamed, I would like to tell you this. We would have few instances when our mother has screamed at us. Would we move off from her after that? It's like that.

    I am sure it would have been hard for you to take it if she has screamed for something that doesn't really matter or not very logical. But it's all part of life, take it lightly.

    May be you can maintain a good distance to be cautious about avoiding such instances in future.
     
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  3. amritha

    amritha New IL'ite

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    Illogical MIL

    Hi Roshni....
    Let me tell you abt the reason she screamed at me. In laws were here with us in USA visiting. I made all arrangements for their stay ....even got DVD's from india so that they wont get bored here( which usually happenes to visiting parents) . My parents were here too...stayed with my brother and sis- in - law. My SIL took such good care of my parents that i was inspired by her to take care of my inlaws. So did everything i could to make their stay with us a happy one.
    Now, i started on a diet before they were here. So my hubby and i explained to them( after they came) that i am on a diet to lose weight so that i wont have probs to concieve. They said that it was a good thing to do etc etc. My MIl used to cook since my cooking was a little bland for my FIL.SO i told her that i didn't have any probs ....she can cookand i will help her in th ekitchen.she used to nag me to eat what she cooked even when she knew that i was on diet. What i used to do was ....jsut taste her food.One fine evenign when everybody was having dinner , she again staretd to irritate me by asking me to eat...then she started screamign ...telling me that i dont eat her food because i dont like what she cooks..that i only like the food that my mom cooks.I dont know why she said that ....she screamed so badly that my hubby came and screamed back at her telling her that there was a pupose for me going on a diet.He then told me not to eat what she cooks...I didn't say a word...'coz i knew that if i had spoken then ..it might turn into something. Then i again explained to her abt my diet....why i am doing etc etc in a very cool way.
    the second screaming was also so silly...but this time i didn't keep quite ...but gave her a peace of my mind. My hubby taught me that keeping quite will make thenm think that DIL's can be screamed and pestered at anytimea nd DIL wont respond...so he told me that i have to answer back but in a nice and polished way without a fight.
    In all instances my FIL keeps quite not saying a word to his wife.!!!!!!!!!

    what u say is correct .If that was my mom screaming at me...the situation would have been different. But basically a MIL an d DIL relation is a delicate situation.So i think that both should try to maintain that realtionship by means of adjustment. But what happens when adjustment is from one side( from the DIL)....And also if that wasmy mom i could have screamed back at her told her to keep quite..but can a DIL do that?
    She used to say things indirectly ..not leave my hubby and me alone for a second.All these and much more has hurt me so badly that the thought of them gives me a heart burn.
    My question is why do MILs behave this way? Would they do all those bad things that they do to their DIL , to their daughters? Do they behave in that way with their son in laws?OK i agree abt the age difference....but its the same for us too right? But then we adjust...why?
    Why this difference in behavior btw DIL s and duaghters?
     
  4. raka_k

    raka_k New IL'ite

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    my dear friends

    We all are still suffering and sulking at the ages old question which has no positive answer till we change ourselves.This is the only major problem in this world..............in-laws..........either with husband or with wife.We all know in our hearts that we cannot solve it unless we take very bold and drastic steps.Single family system was the temporary solution but which is also fading now as mostly families are having single child.Right from the childhood the children come to listen..........biwi aaye gi tu vohi seedha kare gi..................kar lo yahan aish sasural mein saas ki maar pade gi tu maa ki yaad aaye gee....or what not..............

    Why? All the time everyone hears all this and then grewup with bad feelings for these relations.So all SILs and DILS are always bad and cannot be friends.Do u ever feel strongly.........that the men are always(90%) alloof and enjoy their best.Why woman is against woman all the time?

    I think we should all change ourself and start telling our children that they will enjoy their life where ever they live,when they will grow up, no matter with whoom they will share their life values.Life is very short and they should try to live it meaningfully.So let us start afresh.....
    Charity always begin at home.
    All the best
    raka
     
  5. vinu

    vinu Junior IL'ite

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    It is rare to see...

    Amritha,

    I think you would agree if I say that it is very rare to find a really smooth relationship between a d-i-l and a m-i-l (or) d-i-l and s-i-l. If not big rifts, these relationships atleast carry a little frustration against each other in few situations. May be it is a curse among women in the in-law relationships and as pointed out by Raka, we are growing right from young with a kind of hatred feeling for the in-laws.

    So however a good angel the d-i-l happens to be, the m-i-l finds some fault. Similarly however a good care taker a m-i-l happens to be, the d-i-l too finds some fault.

    Having said that, I would say you should alteast be happy for the reason your m-i-l screamed at you. She screamed at you for not eating what she cooks! Just think, how many m-i-ls are willing to cook or do some help for their d-i-ls? That way you are really gifted to have a m-i-l who cooks and wants you to eat more. Think this way and it will mellow down your problem. Don't worry or get disheartened.

    These are nothing compared to some illogical or irrational things happening at various homes between the d-i-ls and m-i-ls.
     
  6. raka_k

    raka_k New IL'ite

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    my dear friends

    “ THE LAW OF RECIPROCATION ”

    When you give a little

    You get back a little bit more!

    When you give a little bit more

    You get back a lot more!

    When you give a lot more

    The returns sometimes are ten-folds!

    So Giving is the key

    Love, Honesty and Dedication are the chains!

    And once you are filled with these emotions

    There will be no more setbacks in life

    Only Promotions!

    So let’s give Love

    Let’s give Honesty and Dedication

    To all those who are around us

    Let’s cross the borders of Religion

    And enter the world of God!

    The Law of Reciprocation begins from Him

    The way He gives us without asking

    Let’s give it back to Him!

    And we can do that

    By giving a little, a little bit more, a lot more

    Love, Honesty, Dedication to each other!

    Brother to brother, sister to sister, husband to wife

    And never to forget, our Father and Mother!

    If we allow the Law of Reciprocation to work for us





    Then who can be against us!

    How about this poem??????????????????just give a thought.


     
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  7. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

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    Relationship with MIL

    Hi Amritha,

    No, definitely u are not bad..............

    Mother-in-law is only LIKE a MOther; SIL is only LIKE a Sister and Finallly D-I-L is only LIKE a daughter... u see the gap already. It can never be a smooth relationship. I find human relationships very strange. But unfortunately we are social animals and have to get along with life however rough the path is. As superior animals god has blessed us with other qualities -to forgive, to forget, take decisions, etc. which can guide us to better life. We'll learn everything as we get older; either in a easy way or the hard way.


    Have u seen the movie, "MONSTER-IN-LAW"..
    My MIL was thousand times worse than her. Ofcourse that movie is hilarious, just imagine a serious Indian role of the same and that fits my MIL. B4 marriage I thought I'll work hard to have a smooth relationship with my MIL but in few months I came to know all her tactics. She's extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemly possessive of her son. That one sentence shld tell it all. But I could still survive only because of the intense love I had for my hubby. If I had reacted to my MIL everytime and had a sour relationship with my hubby everything would have gone haywire.

    She walked out on us and today I don't stop my husband from talking or his making sure of her well-being. I think its his responsibility and when that is done he'll be with peace to lead his life with us. I've kept my distance because I don't want to get hurt anymore and I've the responsibility of the children and don't wanna pass anything negative on to my kids.


    Though I hated her for what she was (but never uttered a word against her or had any verbal exchange about her with anyone - I've cried and cried a lot whenever I was hurt; never complained to my husband but shared my feelings softly whenever I felt very low) I don't hate her anymore. I only feel sad that she doesn't realise how beautiful her family is. she doesn't have any bonding with grand children too. Sometimes I really wonder what they gain from all this????

    HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS ARE STRANGE SOMETIMES...............

    Meena :-D
    SMILES GO MILES


     
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  8. raka_k

    raka_k New IL'ite

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    Hi all lovely ladies

    Whatever is there, is a bitter truth.Everybody is suffering from this relationship.But I think there should be FULL STOP somewhere.Everybody knows that History repeats itself.But can't we start afresh to mend our ways.Today we are DILS but tomorrow we will be MILS.Though we are much educated but I am sure 50% of our generation will behave the same way as our present Mils are behaving.Its an old saying"BOOND BOOND SE GHADA BHARTA HAI".So let us start changing ourself bit by bit to make 1+1=11, not 1+1=2.Please donot expect any change from our MILS.In this way,I hope we will be able to give better life to our future DILS.

    I know its easy to say than to do.If we feel this way then please for GOD sake donot spoil ur today for the sake of such petty think and thank GOD Who has given us 2 ears[​IMG] .
     
  9. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    my FIL is worse

    Hi Amritha and others,

    While all of us our stressing on MIL-DIL relationship,mine is a strange one.
    Today my relationship with my FIL is such that we don't even enquire about each other.I avoid him because I feel that if I do talk to him and if he does bring up any topic for discussion,then it will end up in an argument.Hoping to change this soon.

    :confused:
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2006
  10. raka_k

    raka_k New IL'ite

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    Hi Sunita,

    The root cause of this problem is EGO.Life is very short and we are wasting it in all silly matters.If u cannot solve the problem then just try to avoid it.Try to keep urself busy with other things.If u stop reacting then the other party will also stop after sometime,when there will be no reaction.

    Otherwise this is the best topic to discuss in the world endlessly.
    + thinking darlings
    raka [​IMG]


     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 30, 2005

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