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How you want your MIL to be?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by spuppala, Dec 21, 2011.

  1. spuppala

    spuppala Gold IL'ite

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    Hi gals,

    After reading so many threads here,I understood that most of the problems are repeatedly occurring due to the character called MOTHER_IN_LAW..MIL..However am not concluding that she is the only reason for all these problems.

    So how do you want your MIL to be with you..What qualities you expect from her for you to be happy ..just pour in your thoughts .This thread may serve as a bridge for so many females here who are in different roles in their families..

    If you ask me the same question,my answer might not satisfy you as I haven't faced any major problems still.But there are enough times where I did not liked her behaviour but it is tolerable,Ofcourse the definition of tolerance changes from person to person depending upon their mental strength

    Would like to hear from you....
     
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  2. SUBHAARCHIE

    SUBHAARCHIE Gold IL'ite

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    Hi spuppala,

    I want my Mil to treat me as a human being first and not as door mat.
    She told me that in their custom head tonsuring should be done to the kid along with the mother.Also she is telling that only i get my head tonsured in their community god (kula deivam) Only i will get conceived...(but we are not even trying for it...just started ttc this month) otherwise i will not be able to carry a child...even if carry...it cannot stay for long....What can i do?
    I told that only if i feel like doing rituals i can do it...there is no use of ritual if one is forced to do it? but she isn't listening and making my life hell.....
     
  3. spuppala

    spuppala Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Subha,

    Thats very humiliating.She can't force you to do like that.It is very extreme.If it is simple then we can obey them and do for the sake of respect we have towards them.But tonsuring head is really extreme step to follow..

    My MIL took me to a temple and performed some puja in our tough times.Though I didn't liked it at all I had to do as a token of respect towards her.But your case is really not to be tolerated.
     
  4. anugamit

    anugamit Platinum IL'ite

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    I want my MIL to be:

    1. Not to interfere and comment on whatever i do. She questions me a lot and that drives me crazy. She is so talkative. i wish god give her brakes :rotfl.
    2. Not to make partiality between daughter and DIL (she always does when her DD is around). She is more attached to her DD, her DD's daughter and her jamai, not very attached even to her son.
    3. I would like if she at least gives me a little gift after 4 years of my marriage. (Always i bring her gifts and she treats me like a daughter when she wants something and then directly asks me).
    4. Not to think like we are their ATM machine. They only want to spend for them and her DD. We also have a future. We also have a kid. We also do hard work. Elders think becoz they raised us so we have to spend everything on them.
    5. Not to speak ill of others. Why they make their minds bitter by saying ill for others?????:rant. If they cannot say good for others, dont say bad at least.
    6. I would appreciate her efforts if she stop seeing those ekta kapoor's saas-bahu serials and stop getting ideas in her idle mind to play tricks on others. (all inlaws are addictive to such serials and gossiping about it later)
    7. Not try to dominate me -live and let others live (we are here to live our lives not to dominate others).
    8. I will buy her all costly things if she tells me she will never taunt me in her life.

    God blessed me for one thing that i dont have to follow rituals. My MIL knows none either. Really irritating if we are forced to do.
     
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  5. Mrudhani

    Mrudhani Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Subarchie,

    Atrocious!!! How can she ever say that even if it is there in her custom..??
    Dont go behind all this jus becos she says that!!

    I am sure God will be on your side and you will conceive soon. My best wishes and prayers are there for you.
     
  6. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    I think it depends largely on what kind of person you are. Whether you are emotional, laidback, give importance to space or crave a lot of attention and affection.

    I wish my MIL would stop saying that she does not see me and cosis differently and instead work on implementing that statement. I always have the feeling that they are ganging up on me and discussing about us behind my back (which MIL has actually stated openly). Makes it very uncomfortable to even be with them in the same room.

    I wish she would stop putting down our plans/ideas/thoughts/goals just because she thinks differently.

    I wish she respects my parents more and does not sit on high horse because she is the H's mom and tougher than my parents.

    Overall, I would want my MIL to be more diplomatic and understanding, and yes, less judgmental.
     
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  7. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    How you want your MIL to be? I really don't want my Mil to be any kind. She can be any kind she wishes to be. I only want her to live her own life and let me live mine.
     
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  8. vidhya81

    vidhya81 Silver IL'ite

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    I love my mil and want her to be herself. she is more a mother to me than a mil. but unfortunately i have lost her in my early years of married life itself. she is a woman of great quality, love and affection. she doesnt unncessarily involve with any of our daily activities. I love you MOM.


    warm regards
    vidhya
     
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  9. kiranavvari

    kiranavvari Gold IL'ite

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    Hmmm.. nice thread.

    I think she should be little more grown up mentally. She should stop thinking that my DH is still her little cute son who keeps on looking for her all the times for her support. This can happen till the kids are early teens. But he is grown up now, and is responsible and capable of handling many people, many tasks single handedly. He too deserves his own respect among his friends, colleagues, and his wife's family. He deserve his own identity rather than still her son. She can not talk any more how she used to treat her little son in childhood.

    She should understand what can be spoken in public, and what can be discussed indoor with her own family. Quite a lot times, she speaks in front of everyone, which is quite irritating, and makes us (both me and DH) escape from her.

    She needs to understand that once her son is married, he may spend less (it could be money, or time or whatever it is) for them, but that in no way means that he forgets them.

    She needs to understand when someone working (I mean here in office or anywhere for money) it only means that they are working for the sake of family, for the well being of their own people, it never mean that they are enjoying in office. After all, no one gives money for free.

    She should learn identify the value of individuals and act accordingly. All are not equal to us. Few carry high importance, and few dont deserve any importance.

    Last, but not the least, she should stop taking negative meaning of what ever DIL speaks (Its me :)) ).
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
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  10. Young@heart

    Young@heart Silver IL'ite

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    On a lighter note

    I want my Mother-in-law to be non-existent in my life!!!!!

    Regards
     
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