Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by SGBV, Sep 19, 2019.
Btw ,curses don't work unless the cursor has been seriously damaged by the cursed ones imo
It’s really painful when such words comes from your own mother, but didn’t your sil ask for forgiveness for accusing you? At that time didn’t everyone realise that she lied ? How can a lie come back again ? If anything, she swore on her unborn child which was a lie, isn’t she the wrong doer here ? She lies about her own sister too, so she’s the one who has issues with lying.
Regarding your moms reaction, it could just be the shock of it all. Your sil’s parents would have wanted someone to blame, which anyone does, and the history of curse came back in the picture. It’s just unfortunate that your sil said such a thing in the first place n swore on her child.
Do you have a history of lying that your own mother is suspecting you of this ? Why is it so hard for even her to believe? I don’t mean this in a bad way, it’s a question to ask yourself. Or even ask your mother. About why she would believe a liar over her daughter?
Your bro is treating you the same, so don’t change your behaviour there. You be the same, be normal n be a pillar to your brother. Maybe he doesn’t have the energy to fight for you right now, understandable, he’s in a lot of shock n pain. But he believes you, that’s why he hasn’t changed his behaviour towards you. So don’t treat him differently. Continue your prayers, continue your support, don’t be any different which will only fuel all their lies. Don’t let the lie win.
Your brother is going through a very difficult situation. when your child is sick, and you are helpless.... your mind can play tricks on you. You are so desperate to know why, that you could momentarily believe anything.
Trust me, when I am helpless, especially with kids health issues, I can become completely irrational. My loved ones know this and just ignore it in the moment. I generally then realize my folly and apologize in action (rarely in words). This is just something they tolerate, because they love me.
I would suggest that you continue to support him and be there for him. Once the treatment is completed, sanity will come back to him.
I concur with @confused4sure - your brother, his wife are going through the lowest-of-lows in life - having a child go through treatment for cancer - can be the most exhausting and nerve-wracking thing that they have/will ever have to face.
I understand your hurt and disappointment at how much you trying and praying for the betterment of this child - and here they are - pointing fingers at you.
But please - whatever you may hear from your own mother - this is not about you. They are upset, angry and cannot fathom why this is happening to them or their (grand)child. In their low-point they have *mistakenly* placed a teeny weeny bit of blame in your completely un-true "curse".
From your posts, I can easily gather what a loving and generous person you are. You won't believe it - last night I went to bed - fondly recollecting how you thanked God for giving you an opportunity to help the assistant in your office! (I know of many people who would have a completely opposite and negative thought process - they would have perceived the situation as an assistant trying to exploit the new employee's good nature!) If on an online forum, your positivity shines through - I am sure your family - deep inside knows your nature well. So please don't worry about their temporary so-called "blame" on you - please chart it to the desperate state of mind they are in and forgive them whole-heartedly.
When you get a chance alone with your brother - explain to him again - in newer and ever-earnest words - that you care so much for his child and are praying in every way for her well-being.
To respond some of your questions:-
1) This is not the first time SIL and her family accuse me/my family for their problems.
- Initially they accused that I used my brothers' hard earned money to build my home. This accusation came before their marriage, and my bro was super angry with that, as it was a baseless accusation.
They repented, and we left it.
- They accused me for cheating on my brother's/SIL's jewelry, and making their Mangalsutra wrongly with an intention to break their marriage. This accusation came on their wedding day itself.
Again, I had no idea about this mangalsutra and it was done by my bro, my mom, and some relatives together with SIL's sister. I was in abroad then.
My brother got pissed off, and that's why they had initial problems in their marriage. After clarifying all, they repented and we left it with a warning this time.
Having noticed their fear about my presence in my bro's life, I decided to leave the country for good.
SIL too realized everything with time, and started a new bond with me.
- SIL accused my H as if he had bad mouthed about my mom and that's why they had misunderstandings initially.
When confronted, she said she lied, because she was forced to lie by a common family member. She even pleaded not to tell this to brother, but I told him anyway by asking not to indulge in any fight with her.
- SIL accused me again saying I threatened her to give different accounts about my H, and swore it on her unborn child
- When confronted, she changed the topic completely and made my brother and mother believe that I cursed their unborn child.
Up to this point, my brother took my side as he knew me, and her accusations are baseless.
But the last two incidents (that happened between her and myself only), my brother was clueless. That too when it was about his child.
He did not react to it immediately, but within a month or so when there was an argument, he reacted to it against me very loudly.
I was hurt, but my mom too stood by my brother that time.
I did not know what else SIL has shared there. But anyone can turn my mom against me by using her anger and hatred towards my H. My SIL knows this very well, and I don't know what mantra she used back then to confuse my mom.
After that fight, almost all the relatives blamed mom and bro for standing by such a lie; hence they apologized.
That time, I was shattered so I did not react much, but felt happy about their apology.
Life moved on for the next 5 years without any issues. But I purposefully stayed far away from their family matters to avoid unwanted accusations later on. I know SIL is very much threatened, and someone (may be her mom, aunt) is very much behind her unstable mind.
2) This is not the first time my mom suspects me
Since marriage, my mom has started feeling a vacuum in our relationship. She hates my H and there has never been a smooth going between them.
Mom stays with me, coz she believes this home is mine, and the family expenses and all is mind. So she takes that privilege.
My H too annoys her a lot, perhaps it is because they don't get along well.
They both don't talk to each other, don't trust each other etc..
Anyone can confuse both mom and H against each other with a simple lie.
Everytime, I take extreme cautious to balance them and it becomes toxic. Now a days, H is cool and he stays away from mom's business.
But mom keeps on complaining and keeping old grudges against H, to which I ask her to compromise.
Whenever there is a problem between mom and H, I stand by H if he is right. Therefore mom is angry on me, but later I convince her.
Since then, she sees me as a wife of her enemy, and no longer as her beloved DD. That's where the trust is lost.
I think your other post in Indus Ladies Observations thread has an answer to some of the questions your mind is seeking to find.
Submit yourself to God. The devil in this case is not any person but the thoughts that's been lingering in your mind . Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Sorry OP if this hurt you. Sometimes we seek answers elsewhere whereas we very much know the answer and are unable to spot it.
I wish you find the answers soon and some peace
Every woman faces struggle in this man dominated world. At one time, we face things from ILs but many of us also face politics in our family of origin.
When we face things from our mother, father, brother, it breaks it. It breaks us.
In your case it was about BM and sickness, but mostly it is about being bad mouthed, by your foo.
In case of family with a lot of wealth- like relianc family or upper middle class family with few farm houses, daughters are equally players of politics when money is involved. IF the money is not involved, even then the daughters might be playing politics or on the receiving end of it.
you are in the receiving end of politics, bad mouthing, from your own foo. It will hurt a lot, but it is a natural way of things. Brothers are distanced from sisters, after marriage. And mothers are mostly backing sons, when her daughter and son, fight. Your mother is supporting your brother.
IMHO, you take a break from your foo, and don't say much or talk much to them for some time- about the fight.
This is also a good time to redraw boundaries. You think, that you are close to your brother. But, work on a little detachment- from his family and mother.
Focus on good things in yor life- husband, his love, your own children.
We think, we will continue to be close to our siblings, but the thing is very much changed when siblings marry, especially if they are brothers vs sisters. Most "jija- sali" get along but "SIL-SIL" don't.
Take care of yourself during this hard times. MAinly it is about redrawing boundaries.
Thank you for your replies. Everything that you have stated above makes good sense.
Unfortunately I beg to differ the above quoted lines.
In my case, the problems are NOT about BM or Witchcraft, but the evil minded people that joined our family in the past years.
Speaking lies, twisting & turning and influencing someone against us is not BM. It is cunningness, crooked mindset, and that's what i name as evilness.
It is a habit of certain class of people. Unfortunately we happened to link with them in the name of love marriage.
When i shared this matter in this thread, the first respondent @Amulet sarcastically diverted this matter to one of my earliest query on BM. And asked me to bring that baba/priest to solve this problem as well.
Had i mentioned stomach pain as a problem, she would come up with a similar response too. Bcz once i shared a prob of BM completely unrelated to this problem
Thanks for the tag.
Your stomach pain has to be special enough if you choose to mention it on this forum.
Anyhow... I am more engaged elsewhere now. Cheerio..
my suggestion? An innocent child's life is at stake. Do what you can in terms of prayers, fasts, practical help - anything that you can do so the child is back healthy and safe. What your brother and his wife or your mother thinks is besides the point. ALl that should matter the child is suffering and it needs everyone's prayers. You are innocent and you don't need to prove that to anyone.
I pray and hope that baby gets back it's good health and lives a blessed life.