How to Shower like Woman or Man?

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Vidya24, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    Forward of another goofy forward. The second part (how men shower) has been sanitised (a lot) since it was pretty graphic. Anyone wanting full version can send me a pvt mssg.

    rgds
    VR
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    How to shower like a woman
    TAKE off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Remembering all the balneological tips you have read about at some length, wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:State><st1:place>Wash</st1:place></st1:State> your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Treat mould spots with shower cleaner. Get out of shower and stand on bathmat. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    How to shower like a man

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Swagger to bathroom. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo mohawk. Dry off forearms and backside only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire physique in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. Throw wet towel on bed.

     
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  2. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Good posting, Vidya !

    It was too enjoyable, Vidya ! I particularly enjoyed the details of the cosmetics, given !
    You seem to get less commonly circulated forwards. Share them all with us. The more, the merrier !
    Love & regards,
    Chithra.
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Welcome, President, W Against M Association!

    Hello Vidya,
    I enjoyed the post very much, though I cant resist my temptation to think that you have taken charge as the President of Male-Bashing Association.
    Have a long, fruitful, purposeful tenure of office, Ma'am.
    May God save men.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  4. Kamla

    Kamla Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha..

    Hey Vidya...

    You did do some mass editing on the second part of this shower joke alright!! I got this forwarded from my neice sometime back.....:))

    Keep 'em coming...L, Kamla
     
  5. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kamla,

    Yup, did some massive editing and sanitising in the 'How to Shower Like a Man' part. The prude in me surfaces every now & then.

    cheers!
     
  6. jasmine_virdee

    jasmine_virdee New IL'ite

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    Wowwww..

    wowwww...vidya..

    ur idea of shower like man and woman is too gr8....
    i was wondering a woman with red face after scrub in a peach towel,,
     
  7. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Kind attn: Sridhar

    I saw your post yesterday. Needless to say, I am overjoyed at the position u have bestowed on me. In gratitude, this post is dedicated to you and the rest of your breed out there in the universe.

    As always, this is a sanitised version. I only aim to maim, not murder men.

    I will not be accessing internet for a week, so save your repartees for me till next week.

    Puthandu Vazhthukkal to everyone.


    It's Great To Be A Man

    Your last name stays put.

    The garage is all yours.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    Chocolate is just another snack.

    You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

    Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

    Same work . . . more pay.

    Wrinkles add character.

    Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

    If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

    People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

    One mood, ALL the damn time.

    And don't forget. . . . . .Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

    You can open all your own jars.

    Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

    You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

    You can leave motel bed unmade.

    You can kill your own food.

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

    If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

    Everything on your face stays its original color.

    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

    You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

    You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

    You don't mooch off each other's desserts.

    You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

    If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

    You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    You don't have to shave below your neck.

    Your belly usually hides your big hips.

    One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

    You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
     

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