How To Say 'no' Politely?

DDream · Jun 16, 2017

anivijay said: ↑

Thanks for all your suggestions. Told him l got a job and cant babysit anymore and he has to make alternate arrangements. He said his company is flexible and dont mind if he leaves early. Really dont understand why he troubled us in that case.

Day before yesterday that girl didn't come as I told them we had classes. But night 7.30 she knocked the door. This guy said he had to go for grocery shopping and dropped her at home and picked her up at 8.45. When I am staying alone this guy didn't even have courtesy to call me and ask permission before coming. Why couldn't they respect other's privacy? If he repeats again I àm going to be harsh..

Thanks
Anitha
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hmm.. He could have taken his kid with him for shopping. Poor kid.
Next time don't open the door. May be that will send the message. It is high time to say NO, as you have lot of reasons like husband away, two kid to take care. etc. Once in a while helping others is fine, but if someone misuse us without respecting our life,we need to stop them right there.

Lithika · Jun 16, 2017

It's a good lesson 4 everyone who read it also...Anyone may face this situation without knowing how to say "No". ...

Be bold to say "No" when we can't and I dunno how ppl can disturb someone who is managing there two kids alone

anivijay · Jun 17, 2017

Sunshine04 said: ↑

why is the mom not coming back???
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He didn't mention anything about wife's arrival. Not my problem. If they leave me alone, its enough.

paru123 · Jun 17, 2017

OP, how was the relationship between the two families before his wife left. Did you guys have a close family type bonding that he is not able to understand/ or perhaps ignoring the inconvenience caused to you.

Or is he an idiot that he is not understanding the hints given, considering the dinner and swimming examples. Talk straightforwardly if he can't understand your situation. May be he has still not understood that his kid is an inconvenience to you. In India often kids are being taken care by good neighbours and he is still thinking that way.

anivijay · Jun 17, 2017

Paaru,
I hardly know the family. My husband is his ex manager. His family came from India. We invited them for dinner twice. Then met the family in someone else's house. Thats my whole interaction with them.

When he said today his current manager and clients have no issues leaving him early to pick up his kid, i got so angry. Sometimes he used to come after 8 to pick the daughter but wont inform me about the delay.

Kid is not a problem. Only this guy, his timings and his attitude is the problem. He is acting like its my duty to take care of his kid. I feel sorry for the kid, but cant take this anymore.

Sandycandy · Jun 17, 2017

You need to be more firm with this guy, he obviously doesn't get it. People won't respect your time and space if you are available all the time . When he dropped off the kid , you could have said you had a busy day at work and are wrapping up for the day and cannot babysit the daughter . Don't people with kids do groceries ? I think beyond a point it's your responsibility to ensure that people don't take advantage of you. High time you put your foot down , firmly !!

anivijay · Jun 17, 2017

Sandycandy said: ↑

You need to be more firm with this guy, he obviously doesn't get it. People won't respect your time and space if you are available all the time . When he dropped off the kid , you could have said you had a busy day at work and are wrapping up for the day and cannot babysit the daughter . Don't people with kids do groceries ? I think beyond a point it's your responsibility to ensure that people don't take advantage of you. High time you put your foot down , firmly !!
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I should have. But couldn't say 'No' on that little girl 's face. I know she is lonely and likes to play with my kids. If this guy called me, I would have said something.

On this girl's birthday, we wished her around 7 and they said they were in hotel. Night 11,.they knocked the door with a cake. I had to wake up the kids. We cut the cake. But my husband was with me and Friday night. So didn't take it seriously. But they dont have habit of checking other's convenience before visiting them..or am I too much westernised?

Sandycandy · Jun 17, 2017

No you are not westernized , just expecting basic etiquette. Who drops in at 11 at night without prior notice ? In my part of town,Only theives do .
Don't feel sorry for the child and give in to this guy's demands . The parents don't feel sorry for the child and it is not your duty to take care of her. It's summer break, so why isn't the daughter in India with the mother ? Or are the parents not too worried because they have a generous and kind friend .

anivijay said: ↑

I should have. But couldn't say 'No' on that little girl 's face. I know she is lonely and likes to play with my kids. If this guy called me, I would have said something.

On this girl's birthday, we wished her around 7 and they said they were in hotel. Night 11,.they knocked the door with a cake. I had to wake up the kids. We cut the cake. But my husband was with me and Friday night. So didn't take it seriously. But they dont have habit of checking other's convenience before visiting them..or am I too much westernised?
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anivijay · Jun 17, 2017

Sandycandy said: ↑

No you are not westernized , just expecting basic etiquette. Who drops in at 11 at night without prior notice ? In my part of town,Only theives do .
Don't feel sorry for the child and give in to this guy's demands . The parents don't feel sorry for the child and it is not your duty to take care of her. It's summer break, so why isn't the daughter in India with the mother ? Or are the parents not too worried because they have a generous and kind friend .
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I asked the girl about summer vacation and she told daddy said no to India trip. I would be going to daddy's office and sit with him. Obviously he could not take her to office for 6 weeks and plan would be drop her in our home. I told him it's cheaper to send her to India rather than sending to holiday clubs as they would be expensive, indirectly said I couldn't do. He went home with long face. But I don't think he got the hint.. Anyhow I asked him to do alternate arrangements from next week. Let me see. .