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How to keep your secrets once married?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Iamagoodgirl, Jul 23, 2013.

  1. Pavani010

    Pavani010 New IL'ite

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    Reading some of the msgs makes me understand why no one wants to live in a joint household anymore. It is such a sad situation.
    Personally, the thing that happened in my case was, initially people might feel ur habits are weird but as time passes they begin to accept you for what you are. If they see you believing in certain things like ur diet and skincare strongly, they will understand.
    As far as diaries go, it is the quickest way to spoil a healthy relation. He might get doubts in other unrelated situations too once he reads ur diaries. I know you wrote them as sweet memories but you will have to find an alternative solution to it. There are a lot less decent people than you think in this world!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Its not really about memories only.Its much more than that.Its more about smartening up in life.I write my experiences and my memories and decided how to develop tact and maturity based on those experiences.Its has helped me a lot to develop my personality.
     
  3. teechak

    teechak Senior IL'ite

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    hi, I have not gone through all the replies.

    But here are my two cents:

    yes, yes and yes - please try to hide these and many other things (except homeopathic thing with that is because of some illness) from in laws in the new house..you do not know them ...live with them and get to know them first and then make a call what all things you can share with them.

    if at all they are not understanding - They will try to show you are not beautiful, not healthy , and what all things she does to her body behind the closed doors ... if you reveal these things in the very beginning ..

    ladies tend to get jealous and try to show them down in front of other relatives and easily pick anything from your routine to provide an example ...

    be it your MIL or SIL or co-sis
    open gradually with them as the time goes ... you are moving into a new house ..people are waiting there for creating images and perceptions about you .. be calm , less talkative and more importantly - observe things and then you can decide whether to share these things with them or not.

    one more thing - ofcourse if you will share your beauty stuff or diet thoughts ..they will defenitely have some points to counter you and you will be obliged to nod your head in agreement ..

    all the best for your new life !!
     
  4. vvijay

    vvijay New IL'ite

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    Burn all that. Don't keep any evidences of any secrets which you don't want to share with anyone. It is true that every person has something or the other which they would not want anyone else to know......ensure that no diaries or any e-information is available. Even if it is under any password. Without even a moment of thought or remorse just destroy every evidence or diaries or any such matter. I am a victim of such problem. Husband hacked my diaries and e-mails to dig my past and destroyed my marriage and life.
     
  5. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    ^^^ :shaking:Keeping it on net with password isnt safe either.
    Thanks of i was considering that idea.

    I am deleting all emails and chats i had with with other men in last two years.
     
  6. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Because world isnt ideal place.We have to accept reality and deal with it.We cant change it.
    Ideally people should give each other space and respect privacy but in real world people scan each others rooms behind then,steal stuff,and your secrets to use against you.
     
  7. vvijay

    vvijay New IL'ite

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    @kingkong......secrets don't mean something bad or wrong. Secrets don't come into play only when there is a wrong intention or doing. Secrets also include some emotions, some happenings, some events, some experiences to which one would react and such reactions no one would want to share with anyone whether it be your parents, DH or any other soul on this earth. Those reactions, emotions, thoughts belong to exclusively the one experiencing them. As far as i understand the OP, she must have put these things in her diaries.........I used to do that. Some friend has said something nice about me, and instead of openly showing emotions in front of people which may be construed in a crooked way, put those emotions in a diary or a password locked e-document. DH, a software nerd, understands only binary 0 or 1.........left right and center, abused all respect for privacy and hacked mails to read everything within just 1 week of marriage. So dear OP, be safe than sorry......Nobody understands your feelings that way you feel......your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts are always bound to be misconstrued........You may respect your DH's privacy but don't expect that they would also do the same.
     
  8. superwoman09

    superwoman09 Gold IL'ite

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    Also the meaning one may take out of it can be different since one does not experience it the way you have undergone it. Their point of view may be different and the whole story appears different based on their perception. I believe that you should burn off your diary, since it anyways is the past and it will help you leave your past behind better.

    Regarding your diet and medications. If you mention doctor etc be prepared as they might ask what medical condition you have. You can simply say you do not like the taste and have never eaten it at your parents place. Medicines sooner or later they will find out the bottle or see a bottle in the bedroom or you unknowingly may blurt out that it is time for medicines. So be sure what you want to say at that time. I guess you can at least let your DH know about it and decide if you want to tell your ILs or not. But again that is for you to decide depending upon whether your DH can keep it to himself.
     

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