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How To Help Myself Not To Hurt "my Bestie"

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by BeautifulSmile, May 3, 2019.

  1. BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Bronze IL'ite

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    We 3 families are besties. No matter how close we are still we are little hesitant and there a is always a thin line on certain things. For ex: Friend A is pregnant. Me & Friend B are really happy for her. Friend B has 1 kid and they decided not to go for 2nd child because of current health issues my friend is facing (Friend B kid now a days questioned by someone about sibling. He is also kinda tuned). But I have clearly noticed the hurting feeling in Friend B from the day one of my Friend A pregnancy. Friend B warned me harsh in discussions not to talk about babies when I was really really excited for friends future baby. Right in the same discussion she mentioned I have prepared my mind and I am happy this way. I have clearly seen the conflict with her own statements. I assumed she is mentally prepared and after a couple of weeks somehow when we were talking about babies she pressingly changed the topic and clearly I felt her hurting feeling.

    From that day I am very very conscious on not to raise baby topic with her. In the recent party, all kids were sitting in a circle eating food and I was sitting with the kids. Friend A kids was talking to me and somehow we both started talking about baby and we both were so involved and didn't realize Friend B kid was next to me. Her mom poked me, that I understood like she is hinting me about him. I was so stressed because before night I had 2.5hrs sleep. I think I was frustrated for constant warnings from her. My stupid brain replied to her: How many people you will stop from not talking about it, for how long you will stop?

    Later she said, she was poking me not to warn but to tell me how her kid face is excited to hear about the baby. I said, when you and him are around me I am very conscious on not to raise this topic, yesterday somehow I lost it. she got hurt for that statement " when you and him are around me I am very conscious about this topic" and said you dont need to be conscious we are fine. How to handle this TOPIC? How can I help her?

    I am sure she is lying - WE ARE FINE ACCEPTED IT.I can feel her.
     
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  2. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    If you really want to help your friend,have an open one to one talk with her. You can tell her,
    1)You get her and it is perfectly fine to feel little pain when she hear about other's good news.
    2) You can understand that it is not because of her jealousy to the other friend she is sad...If she think she still needs time,tell her it is perfectly fine to stay away from such functions and parties for a while..
    3) About her kid,tell her kid is excited when hear about the babies,because kids generally like babies. It does not indicate that her kid is yearning for a sibling...or particularly sad about it.. Tell her she can be her kid's best friend and partner in crime .Also the priority now is to concentrate on her health issues...if she is perfectly fine in a few years from now, may be she can plan for another child.
    4) It is wise to avoid excited conversation with this friend about another friend's baby.. Reserve that to another friend
     
  3. Radha99

    Radha99 Senior IL'ite

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    Sadly I am in friend B’s situation right now.
    Thanks Swetha your advice calmed me a little bit.
     

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