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How to handle people who boast about themselves?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Pinky Chawla, Jan 1, 2009.

  1. Pinky Chawla

    Pinky Chawla New IL'ite

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    Dear IL's

    I want to know about your opinion in this issue,. a cousin of mine keeps boasting about her looks(only average looks) her kid, about how she manages her home and blah blah! blah, this kind of self praising seems endless either she meets me personally or in phone.
    I get so.... irritated coz I never get a chance to talk , she makes me a silent listener and my BP keeps rising whenever I hear her saying my son is sooooooo cute, lovely dimples,his playhome teacher loves him...God sooo boring ....
    I hate her calls, I hate to meet, but cannot avoid her, so please suggest..

    Pinky
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2009
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  2. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear Pinky,
    I think that all of us would have met a character like your fiend who boasts about herself all the time.I keep meeting such peple,yes it irritates the listener because tha one who listens to this neve gets a chance to open one's mouth.
    There is a young lady I know,a wonderful person otherwise,a simple person,but the moment she begins to talk about her daughters and their academic achievements there is no stopping her.I feel that it is becaus they don't get enough praise at home.The young woman 's mothe makes it a point to praise evrybody else but not her own daughter.Unfortunately her in laws have begun to almost ignore her.I feel sorry for her.
    I suggest taht yu fill that gap,if yu feel taht she could do with some praises.If she is otherwise a normal person just like any of us wth plus and minus points this aspect of hers is a minor abberation,a little bit of kindness may do a lot to boost up her ego.
    love
    mithila kannan
     
  3. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

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    Dear pinky,
    Ofcourse such people exist who non stop brags, they need attention and if you are a good listener well you become the prey. Do not get worked up for these trivials, if you don't like to hear her 1) ignore her. 2) politely say you have other matters to attend to 3) brag more than her,most probably she will run away 4) try to have some good fun at her expense (start reading the trend -her style, start predicting mentally what will be her next approach etc -mentally , you will notice you are doing a research.
    May God bless you
    Jaya


     
  4. leenatitu

    leenatitu Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Pinky,

    I could very well understand your sour feeling... coz even I was a victim for one of my friends self -boasting exercise. She would really torture me and I started showing my irritation to others when she was with me. Then I decided to play safe. Whenever she would start her much loved activity of self-boasting , I would have a slight smiling face with a teasing eye expression. In Tamil , it is called as 'NAKULE" . In malayalam, it is called "PARIHASAM" . I literally enjoyed her face expression , whenever I exchanged my eye expression with hers. She understood that I am making fun of her attitude. But I made it a point not to hurt her. I was so happy to see the final result. She gradually stopped that habit, atleast to me. Hope this might help in handling her in some extend.

    Leena
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2009
  5. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Pinky

    Yes there are people who boast about themselves and dont givea chance for the other person to speak.

    I also know one person whose husband was in a Bank and her son is in US. Sometimes she will talk as if she is in US and working in a bank. She will drink only distilled water and wear only cotton sarees saying other type sarees dont agree with her.

    With such people you should just hear what they say and as Jaya said you should politely tell her u have some other work.

    love
    viji
     
  6. Pinky Chawla

    Pinky Chawla New IL'ite

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    Dear Mithila Maam and my other freinds

    thank you so much for your quick reply. As per your opinion I cannot praise her back coz I will doing the act against my mind and it will sound very artificial,. I only try to change the subject but her matter will be everywhere irrespective of any topic.She is a thin skinny female but acts as one of the top most model and gives negative remarks of my personality(I am slightly on the fatter side) some times it hurts even after her call all her coments keep croping into my mind.
    The best I can do is to at the most avoid her, are cut the call pretending to attend some urgent work

    Pinky
     
  7. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Call me crazy, but why go to all the trouble of finding some "sideways" method of hinting and playacting when the quickest and most honest method might be to just tell her?

    She doesn't sound like a very sensitive or caring person (she shouldn't be making negative comments about your or anyone else's personality or weight, no matter what she looks like), and maybe it would do her some good if you let her know how her hurtful comments or incessant boasting make you feel.

    You don't have to be mean or tactless in the way you tell her. Just mention politely and briefly that you two spend an awful lot of time talking about her, and you'd like to introduce other topics of conversation into your interactions, preferably some that concern you too.

    Also, if she says something hurtful to you, TELL HER. You have every right to protect your feelings. Why torture yourself by enduring this treatment? Ask her to stop making personal comments about you UNLESS you invite her to render her opinion (which I'll assume you're not doing). You will not be doing anything wrong here, neither will you be hurting her feelings. Instead, you will be making great strides in improving the way you relate to other people and ensuring your own peace of mind.

    If she is childish and immature, she will take your comments in the wrong way, and possibly fuss and complain to other people, but why should you care? Even if she gets angry with you and decides to give you the cold shoulder (a very common reaction amongst immature people, and she sounds immature), at least you'll be well rid of her. And I'm sure other people, who also must be sick and tired of her shallow boasting, would appreciate someone finally telling her the truth.

    If you choose not to take the direct approach, I suppose you could expend some time and energy playing the games the other ILites recommend. Somehow, though, she just doesn't seem worth the effort.
     
  8. gsaikripa

    gsaikripa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Pinky,


    I could very well understand your feeling....yes u r true.


    In my husband office, one senior manager is there, he himself talking about boasting,self praising. he is giving lot of advices to others & dont give a chance for other to talk.what to do
     
  9. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    hi pinky

    you know don't get hurt by your friends remark, if she says you are big or fat, tell her yes i feel so great being big becasue if i fall down i will have something to cushion me but if you fall down you will break your bones, do not take her comments to heart, if comments badly to you, just take it as a joke nad get back to her in her way. like if she says you are dark tell her these days dark modles are in fashion and anything you will wear will suit you since you have a great figure and good looks but, but if you ( your skinny friend) nothing would suit you since you are too dark and too skinny all the clothes will look loose, be a bit harsh on her it will teach her a lesson.
    hope it helps
    alpa


     
  10. plakshmi

    plakshmi Gold IL'ite

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    hi friends

    even i have same probs that too in work place. i work as teacher.My collegue will always boast abt her husband. if they get fight how he will look at her, if she loses anything how he will talk to her and if any dish she didn't do nicely means how will he talk everything romantic and she is in her late 30s and i just hate it. i am single and i do not like to hear her boasting. if i divert the topic also she will change and talk the same matter.

    i do not know how to handle her. even she weighs 75kg but i am in 63kg and she will tell i am stout. and she has lost her weight during holidays. so ridiculous. she will talk as if she is in her 20s .very boring person but no other go .

    pls suggest me how to deal this kind of persons.

    lakshmi

    be honest to your consciousness.
     

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