How To Handle Mil's Immetured Mind During Pregnancy?

If u don't have any complications then u can drop ur kid in day care or school, go for regular job till u r 6 or 7 months. Or u can ignore ur mils talk and be at home with a remote job. First situation, u will have to strain physically. But for second u have to get strained mentally. I think u can be at home, taking care of you, ignoring ur MIL. Because ur health is more important now. Just continue keeping a distance with her and enjoy urself . Change ur room positively by hearing melodious songs and playing with ur kid. Go to ur friends house if u have nearby and have some good time. Because if u go to regular office, u can ignore ur MIL but u cannot be relaxed in health. U always say u feel tired and indirectly make her understand that, so that she may not disturb you all the time.

 

You are willing to go through a 2.5 hr commute because of the IL’s? Assign a room in your home as your office, give clear instructions to MIL that these are work hours and you cannot give tadka to the dal or make chai for her during those hours. Lock yourself up in the room ( with a bag of chips and fruits ) and focus on your work. I assume your child goes to daycare / school so the only interactions with MIL will be when you step outside your “home office”.
Good luck with the pregnancy.

 

You have other priorities than stressing yourself about your MIL.

2.5 hrs commute (one way???) would be tough during the first and third trimester.
Sleepless nights can aggravate your health conditions; thus pregnancy even though your MIL is super nice.
Your useless H (sorry, quoting from your thread only) can add fuel to the fire. Unless he is supportive and understanding, it is very difficult to plan for a second kid, while your first one needs more attention + other various problems like (work, commute, sleepless nights etc).
MIL and her immaturity adds on only after this point. Of course her influence can further damage your pregnancy/health.

If I were you, I would not plan for a second baby unless my H become affectionate, supportive and useful to me. If he could bear at least 30% of the day today struggle that I face today, then I can think of adding one more responsibility under my shoulder.

See whether your H can take care of your older son, specially at nights by attending to his health conditions etc. If he can accept sleepless nights with the older one, then you have the needful sleep and rest for the second one you carry.
See whether your transport can be shorten? So that your kid in your tummy won't feel inconvenience.

I assume by now, you have developed some think skin and the maturity either to ignore your MIL or give it back when necessary... But not to play victim to her dramasl

 

Really 2.5 hour journey with pregnancy !! I think that is too extreme step to take to avoid MIL...
I feel you are suddenly getting stressed due to sudden news and one week deadline. If you calm down and think coolly you will realist the answer to your dilemma. I've never been mother but this much I know one should not take this kind of physical stress during pregnancy. Every doc will advise against that.

As for MIL, just ignore - you can still avoid her by being in the house. During pregnancy act as a queen don't listen to MIL if she doesn't have anything nice to say.Your mind health comes first.

But main issue is your husband . I hope atleast he will love the kids otherwise why bring second kid and make him/her suffer. If he is so immature only concerned in food and not for child, do you think you should have another child with such a irresponsible father?

 

I am sorry, but looks like you have got all the wrong reasons to have a second kid. Perhaps, wrong timing too.
I am not sure how beneficial is this to you or the older kid or the to-be-born kid?

It is great to have many children, and siblings are always a blessing too.
But these blessings may bring so much suffering if they are not here for the right reasons.

If I were you, I wouldn't dare to bring a second kid at this state of mind, because my negativity at some point might pass on to the child in my womb.
You seem to be so much negative about your spouse, in laws, BIL & Co-sis (and I know you are negative about them for the right reasons, so I am not blaming you here).
Nevertheless, at this mental stage, do you think you can be calm, peaceful, happy and energetic to grow a tiny bean in your tummy?
Provided that you have an older kid with so much demands, and no helps.

Besides, you claim your older child has an issue, which makes everyone at home restless now. And you think, it is because of your pregnancy struggle of that time.
Looks like nothing has changed since then. The same in laws, same husband, same you... and in addition, added up duties as you have an active and demanding older kid.
Do you think your second pregnancy will be peaceful around this time?
If so, why take the risk of having a second kid with the same trouble? Just saying... but think about it.

Also, you say that your H and MIL has a particular psychiatric trouble. Is it genetic?
If so, how safe your H's sperm (since you consider him only as a sperm donor) to give you a healthy kid?

If I were you, I would devote all my attention to my first born, who has a demanding problem. I will work so hard to make his life normal, and happy - which is not an easy job for a working woman, with no support.

But the above are just my priorities and I won't ask you to follow the same. Just think about it...

PS: I did not plan my first kid, but somehow God gave him at the peak of my marital problems. I suffered to near death experience with a kid and troubled marriage. I had no choice as the kid came to the world, and I had to look after him while handling other issues.
But I decided not to bring any other kids until I settle down all my marital issues. I worked on settling my problems, and gain total control of my life in the next 2 years or so.
Then only I planned my second kid.
The second time around, everything related to my pregnancy, delivery and post delivery were blissful. I still cherish those moments.
In fact, nothing else had changed in my life. My PILs and parents were the same, the finances were the same, health and logistics were the same too. But my H has changed. Our relationship has changed. The affection and bonding ruled out all the other practical issues.
In fact, I stayed at home for the 1st pregnancy, but worked full time (that too travelling daily) during second time around. Obviously I must have been tired and sick too. But mentally, I had so much energy compared to the first time around.

Just think over it, and decide. You know better than us about your own situations and priorities. We discuss only what we read from your posts.

 

Reesha may be you could get tested for celiac for you and your little one. You might find that if you have or your
child has a gluten allergy just opting out of wheat and wheat products will make a great difference to eczema and will also improve sleep pattern as well. You might find that just being in the moment will help with stress that is dont worry about things that dont need your attention in the present moment. Making lists of the things that worry you will reduce your mental stress and if possible do 5 to 10 minutes of mediation nothing complicated just keeping your attention on your breath will help. Try to eat fresh healthy food and check out this book it might help:
https://www.amazon.in/Little-Book-S...15411075&sr=1-9&refinements=p_27:Meera+Sharma
Also when things get too much pray and you will feel so much better and solutions will come. You dont have to sit down to perform lengthy rituals just praying to God/Goddess helps in other words talk to God like you would with your mother and see the difference. It will help. I will pray for you and if you need any more help just ask
with love and light
Ranju