how to handle mil's direct and indirect taunts

first 2 years of my marriage....I had the same issue. My MIL would make such a big issue of me not proactively calling her 'n' number of times, and would indicate giving others examples, and taunts about ALL the things she expected from me . I was just sooo annoyed that I stopped calling her altogether. It just got tooo bad after that---it became such a prestige issue for her :rotfl....I wasn't exactly having a party in my own life, .......and in a state of misery--I was like what could get worse when I am already facing the worst!!....I responded to NOTHING that time----accusations...back biting....boycott......abuse...husband's pressure...I neither argued back nor nor acknowledged their expectations....... neither I called them up, nor reacted to their drama. Then they boycotted me---I remained cool, and still neither reacted, nor gave-in. When my in-laws realized nothing'z gonna change about me whatever they do.....surprisingly NOW they've accepted me the way I am, and even talk nicely with me. I too have started calling them occasionally....because they're much better now in terms of respecting my individuality!.......

maybe you could do that, but only if you're ok with facing a lot of flak and backlash while still being strong about it(your husband too could go against you).......if you can deal with so much opposition , avoid them completely!!.....But if their attacks emotionally affect you--just reach a compromise situation, do the minimum required to keep sanity and peace....and just sail through!......

There is no 'one size fits all' kinda solution.Your decisions depend on your own personality.....some people are great communicators--they can reach solutions by talking things out with in laws; others are great in making adjustments --they reach solutions by being flexible;.........while others are bold--they reach solutions by strongly refusing to give-in, and facing the consequences of their choices. Find what is your personality strength....and act accordingly.

 

How often she will visit you? Next time if she sleeps with you and your DH, talk to her polishly or you guys sleep in the living room.If she opposes that, say fine.but kiss and hug your DH infront of her........

 

@reflection123:

My story is same as yours. When I used to give in to the pressure and taunts I was considered I was accused of being a bad DIL. Then the "non-coperation movement" stage came where I dont care for anybody from inlaws including husband. I have helped them a lot but refrain from idle chitchat and bonding with MIL. Just cant do that with her. I feel silence and non-cooperation is our streength if we dont want to spoil our relationship with MIL and yet live life our way.