"How to handle a possessive mother-in-law?"

Hi, Bhanuvetri

Your conditions seems to be exactly as mine. Honestly, it makes me shiver when I see them doing all those cheap activities. I would say, good that you atleast showed your disagreement with the fact. I could not show that either. Know what, I cant give you an answer here as I am also on the same boat but somehow I feel that these MILs are abnormal psychologically. Now, I am thinking of expressing my disagreements too if I see any rotten behavior. I would also suggest you not to stay apart from your hubby when you are in India. Even my hubby suggested the same procedure, but I resented to that. If we are with them, then we can stop this nonsense behavior.

 

Hi Bhanuvetri and N@..
I have seen this kind of closeness with my mom and my brother. when my brother was a kid it did not seam different to me or even did not notice it. Recently I had to stay with them for 5 months and it seamed so odd .My brother is not yet married . I kind of mentioned in an indirect way to both of them and do you know what I got " I cant even talk to my son in front of you". ever since she stoped talking to me normally .I guess my mom tured in to MIL for me ! what to do.

 

Hello,

Really very good and helpful comments.......really .......:clap


I knw some of them but got to know more from this.....

ok bye for now

Take care

 

Hi I just harped upon this thread today. What lovely words and what wisdom
Wish I had read this article earlier. It would have been a real good advice. Nevertheless, its never too late. Thanks Malini

 

What I feel, its not necessary to be married with the only son in the family.MILs can be possesive even if they have more than one son.
I liked the idea and firmly believe in the following point mentioned by the thread starter.

"Do not discuss your personal relationship with your husband with her. You never know when she might use it as information to be used against you"

One must not share any personal conflicts and issues to MILs. This makes them secure that their son can not be so called snatched by DIL and consequently make our (DIL's) stand weak in the family.
So try to keep such personal conflicts to yourself.

Anshu

 

Re: Please help!!!!Re: "How to handle a possessive mother-in-law?"

Hi,
My sister is a psycology major and she was saying something abt a condition called Oedipus complex. This is something that's between mothers and son..Even in my case, my MIL used to ask me to go out when her son is changing his dress and he wud be in underwear. Once before our first nite, she slept next to him and kept hugging and kissing him saying that always she should be number one and my husband should always think of her first and all.Morever, ever morning I cannot even sleep in cuz both my inlaws would knock on my door at 5.00 in the morning for using the bathroom in the bedroom. And I have seen so many times my Mil glancing over our side to see how we are sleeping or whatever she does. But I have caught her taking quick peekat us in the morning hours when she comes in and it was awful. Glad this didn't last cuz we dont live with them in India but I am scared what wud happen when she comes here.

 

NICE piece Malini Iyer...
Adding my 2 cents worth...

For eg, if she obsesses about food and wants to cook for him, don’t fret. Throw in the towel (and your giant size I-can-also-cook-well ego) and ask her to cook for you as well. we modern women consider cooking to be the bane of our existence) but also get a well cooked meal as a bonus.

Love this suggestion,

Become a sycophant. Instead of berating your mother-in-law for berating you, heap her will loads of praises and keep saying that you want to become just like her. This is going to get you in her good books faster than you can imagine and also keep the relationship with you and your husband argument-free. Over a period of time, she will forget about bad mouthing you ever and at the end of the day, both of you might just have a good relationship with each other.

Completely for the sycophant ploy... WIll work EXCEPT...If the woman has a narcissistic streak in her, In which case she will draw every bit of emotion from you & then start *itch slapping you once she gets accustomed to level of the 'nasha/high' of being praised . If that is the case, Store every tidbit of info she lets out, you never know when you may find it useful... (Of course if she is narcissistic, she will lie thru her teeth & deny the very things she said, & get into the croc tears mode, be prepped for that)

• Do not bad mouth her in front of your husband
• Do not rise to the baits which she will throw your way by way of comments on cooking, housekeeping, saying how much weight her son has lost since marriage etc.
• Do not discuss your personal relationship with your husband with her. You never know when she might use it as information to be used against you.

Three sacred commandments indeed.
Great piece Malini..

 

Great suggestions given for handling a possesive MIL. I would like to add a few of my own.

Make hubby feel guilty for taking up a lot of MIL's time even after the arrival of DIL.Tell him that now it is time for her to rest/ have a life of her own. He should allow her to enjoy her life atleast now, when there is another female to take care of the household work.

If FIL alive, tell hubby that it is now time for both of them to have some quality time together. He should encourage it, even if he feels that they may not agree.

These will also make hubby feel that you are concerned about in-laws.

Rukmini

 

hi malini
the advice given by malini is really very helpful.i think all MIL are same...and this is the best way to tackle them...but praising MIL everytime will not be a easy task...especially when DIL is criticised all the time....one more thing i have learnt from my experience that we should not always speak ill of our MIL in front of our DH as it will only make your relation worse
thanks

 

Perfect!

Thanks.