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How To Deal With Extra Traditional Mil..pls Suggest...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Dec 27, 2019.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    That's the way to go!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks to all who replied...
    One more thing bothers me...
    I used to work in good job earlier some years back , but post delivery I m not working as I need to look after toddler...Due to personal and health reasons I’m unable to go for work right now...I’ve reduced expenses as I’ve no income...
    I don’t buy cosmetics As I don’t use them much...I don’t buy gold Jewellery, sometimes I buy artificial set... I buy only few necessary gadgets which don’t cost much...I don’t ask for expensive vacations and happy with small weekend getaways to local places, I don’t spend on expensive clothing etc..I don’t even keep cook or full time maid like other home makers do as it’s very expensive In my area , I keep only part time maid who comes for an hour to do basic cleaning and leaves...i rarely eat out...
    Because H and in laws are people who don’t like un necessary expense...even I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to spend freely and and careful about money to a great extent..
    But my previous clothes of some years ago dont fit me due to weight gain after delivery...I’m unable to lose weight due to health problem...I buy casual tops now and then for regular use as I also need to look presentable..and I get sarees blouses stitched now and then as there are many occasions and functions and poojas in my family circle...
    I don’t usually show my purchases to my MIL if I buy online or from retail show room or mall...but being in same home she comes to know when I have new outfits or purchased any new cloth for my baby...she will make comments that’s these days people are spending so much on clothes and in their time they couldn’t afford...they would just have few sets of dresses and wear ...if I want to buy something from store I hear such criticism..I dont spend more then 500 or 600 rs for casual wear top...sarees I didn’t buy but had got few years back and lying unstitched so got stitched...really I feel bad...
    I always reply politely that I need to wear proper fitting outfits according to latest trend and leave it at that....
    They may have traditional ideas but should I not look fashionable and presentable.? If I was working in a big company and earning no one would comment...just because I’m house wife I’m not allowed to pamper myself with 500 rs top?
    Many relatives spend thousands on grand dress for family functions for their kids...I don’t spend that much , I buy very reasonably priced cloths for my toddler...even for occasions...
    My in laws relatives side ladies of my age dress so fashionably, both working and non working ladies...no one comments on them...
    If I was slimmer I wouldn’t have to buy new outfits and older ones would have fit..feeling so bad...why they dump traditional ideas on me...
    This time there was new year sale in all places but dint buy as I myself don’t find necessary to shop everytime there is sale...
    Was feeling kinda upset today...don’t know why...
     
  3. traveldream

    traveldream New IL'ite

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    Learn to trust your judgement and not worry about others comments, it helps to get over such comments easily.
    Find a distraction and learn to overlook the unnecessary comments and focus on any positive aspects of your MIL.

    You should know your own value and good heart, and not seek validation from others. You seem to be a nice woman who is very sensitive, its better to develop a thick skin so other's opinion doesn't bother you.

    Your MIL will also be aware of your nature , traditional though she might be ...she will also be talking to others in her circle, watching TV serials etc. These days there are very few young women willing to stay in a joint family, so the fact that you are in a joint family already proves your good nature . So to continue in the long run learn to ignore such comments and soon enough she will learn to not make such remarks.

    ITs only our reaction (verbal or expressions) which encourages such responses more and more.

    Anyways, cheer up and make sure to enjoy dressing up and living it up , for the alternative of leading your life according to IL's wishes will definitely affect your happiness.
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks, your reply is quite comforting...
     

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