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How To Deal Money Matter With In-laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by lakshya2018, Oct 11, 2018.

  1. lakshya2018

    lakshya2018 Senior IL'ite

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    I don't earn much to buy flat now. Can buy if my h don't give his salary to his family they said they are not using our salary . Family expense managed only from my fil's income... Let see.. I try to invest my money in something else
     
  2. lakshya2018

    lakshya2018 Senior IL'ite

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    thank you @armummy .. Its good idea.
     
  3. lakshya2018

    lakshya2018 Senior IL'ite

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    I'm going to ask them to buy some jewel or something for me from my next month income or so far money I gave them. Let me see what's their reaction.
     
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  4. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Did you talk with your husband and expressed your views. What is his stand on this issue?. If he believes in what his father says, then it will not be easy for you. Your dh needs to grow up.

    You are the one who should control your salary. No one has any right to control it. I suggest you to nip it in the bud. You are married to your husband not PILs. I like transparency in all levels. But in your case it wont work. Saying no is the best option. But it will create lot of turbulence if your dh is not with you. So you need to find another better option.

    Try diplomatic way first as you are living with them and they are otherwise good. You should not allow even your husband to control your income in this case. Dont fight. Take a deep breath if you face any questions and talk in calm and sweet way or learn not to talk or divert talk. Try to deal it in a smart way. Dont reveal your salary, increase in salary or bonus etc.. Give some amount monthly to expense (what about giving to dh and ask him to give a total amount to FIL as your family (you &dh) contribution (example 10K or 20 K or whatever), If FIL asks you it give to dh & ask him, or dont respond for demands) . If they demand more, give a deaf ear ( in your case- phone bill, dont pay it. Let them cut it if they cannot pay even after giving salary). If he still asks you again and agin, say you have lot of cuts in your salary and dont have money. If they ask you again tell them ask your son or ignore it. Divert them. Don't address it. Keep on asking about chits they promised. Make sure your name is on it.

    Talk to your office admin and find ways to invest. you can increase PF, retirement savings (I dont know what exist in india), join for fixed deposits ( in bank or post office) or your own secret saving accounts. Keep all the documents with you. Never reveal your income or saving to others.

    Suppose you have a baby, are you going to ask you FIL for each and every penny you want to spend on your baby. Its a pathetic situation. Try to fight for your rights now itself. Dont go for a baby with these many issues.

    [ I remember story of my friend, I shared it many times. She was asked to give her full salary to PILS, She said No. She said; if she knows how to earn a job, she knows how to manage money. She is an adult not a kid. But she is ready to contribute to family budget. There was huge drama saying that its their custom in their family that PILs control salary of DIL and son. She said no. Its not going to work. She stayed firm. She didnt have support of husband. She faced everything that followed. They even call her names. But she stick with what she said. Finally they gave up. However she continued contributing to family and taking care of PILS very well. Anyway she win the war in the end and moved to another home with dh &kids. I dont know will this work with everyone . I will do the same if I face similar situation . I never faced it and I manage my salary. So dont know the dynamics very well]
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
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  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    How does your FIL know how much your salary is? Does he see your salary statement? If not, then just tell him that you started some investment policies that get automatically debited from your account and reduce the amount. Like someone suggested, increase your PF contribution, start some Recurring Deposit accounts , so that there is not much actual money left in the salary. Open a "secret" bank account if possible and just transfer your saving into that.
     
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  6. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    Your FIL is showing his power through controlling your salary and your H salary, your FIL knows that you will be under his control as long as you both don’t have financial freedom, you both should say that you are adult now and want to learn how to run the family and ask your FIL to give his money to you so that you can invest for them.

    You know what happens to a man when you take away his power ?

    [​IMG]
     
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    If u have legitimate doubt about above , better u sort out from now. Thankfully u are only recently married so it's a good time to sort out things before it becomes a habit .
     
  8. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I don’t feel what your inlaws doing to your salary is right.
    It’s your salary and you are the sole owner for it. Contribution is different thing , but why should you give your salary to Inlaws even if it’s a custom!

    Since you are still new to the family, you don’t know how they are.
    What if they give your salary to help your SIL and her family in future? You may not know what exactly is happening behind your back.

    And regarding investments as many suggested, start having FD’s , RD, PPF and so on.

    Tell them you will contribute when you are ready to buy the property, tell that you don’t want to take risks in chits as it’s not safe to give your money to some outsider. There is no guarantee that you get back the money. Highlight real stories regarding chits , as many got cheated by it.

    Instead tell them you are investing in other secure things like govt schemes and so on

    That’s the disadvantage , I faced similar situation as my DH relatives have gold shop. My inlaws buy gold from there due to less making charge but the designs are pathetic and outdated!

    You need to stand up now itself , be polite and firm !
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2018
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  9. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    Hello OP ,I didn't go through all the suggestions above but I do resonate with those few I went through.

    First of all,start chipping in household work as far as you can . Don't let your MIL do all of it .The reason being the day (if it ever comes) ,there is an issue of you asking where-abouts of your salary that you have been handing them,they will point towards the amenities you are getting in lieu.Its basic human nature and I have had a bad experience myself.Plus in matters of money and relationships,people look at them as give and take ( sadly).For eg,take care of kitchen on weekends or pay for food if getting it from outside.Do your own laundry and your H's if there is a washing machine.

    Next,If you know how much total amount you have handed over to your FIL so far and know for sure that they haven't done anything with till now ,ask them that you want to open a Fixed deposit with that amount.You will at least earn some interest on it.Right now ,it is just lying uselessly.If they are reluctant about it,or make excuses ,that is the first sign that something is not right. However,if they agree and see your point ,then you have no worries . Fixed Deposit can be of any amount 50k or 1 lakh etc.Please check at your bank.

    This next step is if you see a red flag in the above step.Ask at your work how can you save more towards provident fund .Different companies have different policies.All I know is some private companies pitch in equal amount as the employee does towards this fund.I can't recall the technical term for this.You can always increase the amount you are putting in right now.Increase this as much as you can afford too .This is your money and cannot go anywhere else.At least this way you will be saving towards your retirement or when you leave that particular job.Tell your H and in laws that company policy mandates you or any logical excuse if they have a problem.If you any salary hike or unexpected bonus ,save it away .Please don't reveal in a sudden burst of happiness.Remember all this is only when you are sure something is not right .Since they already know how much you earn presently,all you can do is take precaution in the future.No full salary revelations etc.Just give a rough idea.

    Apart from this,you can also start getting a set amount deducted per month directly from your paycheck in the form of Recurring Deposit (RD)with your bank.When I was working ,I was getting Rs.5000 deducted every month in RD.So thats instant saving even before you or anyone can touch your money.I was able to save 60k plus interest at the end of one year.You can start both RD and FD for a year or longer.The more your money is in the bank (or even the post office,they also have some money saving schemes) ,the more interest you earn on it .And the safer it stays from the 'family'.

    Lastly ,sit down with your FIL (head of household) and H and chart out clear-cut share in the household expenses.Ask them clearly what all things do they need you to pay for - like phone bill or groceries or water bill. Pay that much regularly to FIL and please ask them not to make any sudden changes.The money you hand them should be either for some bills or for some FD/RD ,not something they can save away under their pillow.

    Please safeguard your income.But please also learn to be smart about it.Your FIL seems rather controlling in terms of finances and its a totally different turf from your pre-marriage days (what a beautiful time it is ).If you want to make a point with them,please expect turbulences .
     
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  10. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    @DDream ,I read your message above after posting mine.I totally agree with you !!
     
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