How To Communicate To Husband

Boys are trying to figure out if you are worthy of their confidences. They have to shut up, and not dribble like you do, because their defensive instincts tell them to.

 

Hi Op,

Its not worth to spoil ur, ur DH & kid peace & harmony of life. Since I don't stay with my in laws, so won't be able to suggest much, but I follow these whenever I meet them.

• Communication over phone: Keep phone at speaker mode main communication is on whats app, Face book and messages and general wishes (birthday, marriage anniversary, festivals).
• Deal with In Laws: Treat my MIL as my mom (I don't have my mom), so try to ignore her comments and never answer back to her, same rule for FIL.
• Communication to Dh: If I get hurt by in laws behavior or comments I just share them to my Dh, only with a promise that he will not to argue or react about it to his folks (as I am not interested in creating rifts) that way our relation doesn't get affected and my vent is also cleared, even Dh is aware about my feelings.
• Writing letter to Dh: Even that is a good idea, never blame anyone just share how u felt in response to the behavior (so even if recorded, it can be even used against them).

Try to maintain a clear communication, that's it (it is difficult to please all), try ur best and then leave it, that's what I learned from other members here.

Best wishes...

 

Does your husband have a long lost twin I do not know if DH doesn't see ILs faults or pretends not to see it. but very quick to see and pinpoint my faults

@OP - Just ignore ILs behavior or give tact replies to them. Do not complain to DH. Deal with trivial issues yourself. If it goes out of hand, inform Dh. Also, if your ILs appear to be very loving infront of DH to you, reciprocate it after all 2 can play a game.

 

Good from now on let ur dh do the important communications.

 

Op...looks like your husband is taking the escapist route.
If you don't talk about things ,every thing is fine. Like keeping your head buried in the sand.

Do you just want to vent to him or do you want him to take action too?
Sometimes they know which issues will cause a storm that they can't handle and it is less head breaking to fight those issues.

Make a list of things that you want action taken on ....issues that you just can' t live with. Try to keep this to minimum.

Make a list of things that you want him to listen to,be aware of just for your peace of mind but not do anything about . Tell him it is like the pressure cooker whistle blowing to release pressure.

This really helps . Knowing that he knows how you feel is in itself a big relief. This also makes him realise that you are putting up with issues to keep peace .

Don' t keep things in this list that he is sensitive about . If he is sensitive about some issue regarding his parents ,he is not going to change his opinion. Choose wisely and don' t make it an everyday thing.
Just tell him and get it over with and then ,just be normal ,or even nicer to him.

I remember a particularly longish time when in laws were living with us and things were making my head burst. I would take husband for after dinner walk and tell him stuff ,telling him clearly he need not do anything about it,and this is just to help me deal with issues. I told him,I would rather say it to him than to them. After that ,I would insist on having icecream lollies before going home. It was summers and the ice cream vendors would be standing at the gate.
Soon ,my husband started taking me out for these after dinner walks.
We would walk back home hand in hand ,give a little hug before ringing the door bell ,and enter the battle field .

Make a third list of all things that irritate you but do not really make a difference to your life. Little things like comments about your clothes or your cooking and stuff. Things that you can decide not to give a damn about( which is different from from ignoring or listening from one ear and letting out from other) . Vent about these issues here or to a close friend .

Hope things work out.