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How Should I React?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rashdes02, Aug 26, 2018.

  1. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    Greetings to you,

    It's been a kind of you ppl to have responded to my previous doubts or confusion!

    Likely I got a new confusion..

    I have never been in good terms with my Sil. Initially when my wedding was arranged I was excited my DH has a sis and I would get a younger sis with this. As I have an elder sibling, I knew how hard it was to accept her marriage. I missed her as I knew she will staying away from me and she would have to take up new responsibility in her new role. I didn't want my sil to feel the same n not just giving my husband free space to talk to her everyday, I wanted to connect with her as well. I brought all those gifts which I had got for my sis.Till this it had just been one way.. But things started taking a different shape all together. I'd always be the one doing stuff for her for about an year .. I got really fed up.... I never got an good gesture of response in terms of communication. Never had any response for whatever I got for sil. Even my mil kind of expected that I should continue to please her without expecting anything.. not even the courtesy to thank! I was irritated after some time and stopped doing such things... It started hurting my self respect. But inspire of all this I try talking to her in a way as she's one of the dear one's to DH. I tried telling this DH many times and he's turned me down telling she's shy!( In one DH cousin's wedding she got along with 2 guys almost of my age in just 2 days!!!! Is she really shy??!) I've reached a stage now that I should just wish her on birthday or if some good news for her....
    By doing all this am I really loosing on my values as a human being. My parents ask me behave normal in spite of sil literally turning me down in front of DH.
    And on Ganesha Chaturti we're going to DH home.
     
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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Just act normal. Love and affection should be both ways . Don't try to please her
     
  3. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    No need to please her. But be normal. In occasions like birthdays if u have the habit of buying gifts to her, u can continue I think. Because if u suddenly stop it may show on your side even if u r good. Don't care about her attitude. She has lost a good relationship. That's all. She should understand that u r not like what u were but at the same time doing ur duty.
     
  4. Outlander

    Outlander Bronze IL'ite

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    Check with her whats going on actually with her. It could be little thing sometimes we ignore. That thing get planted into the heart n create rift. If no such thing exists then ask her what you can do to make her happy n pleased n make sure your husband should know ur efforts! If nothing works out leave her as it is and just laugh n smile when needed!! Same think happend with my co sister i treated her like queen ,she showed lots n lots of attitude. I took her on surprise cafe visit she is a foodie BTW. While she was relishing on i took the subject.Remember never talk offensively! than i learned that she gave me some gift on my engagement day (which i frankly dont remember) which i did not recognize her the wayshe expected it to be. Then things got sorted out for us. But maynot be the case for u so sit n talk if she is married if not pray to god that she should get distant relationship and get out!
     
  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Some people have the entitlement mentality and take things like your good gesture for granted. She may be unaware or egoistical. Your mil or husband could point it to her. For now, ignore her negatives, behave normal and you don't have to please her. If you get a chance, in a light moment, you may initiate letting her know of your displeasure by a gentle tease. She may get the message. Finally, don't spoil your day thinking about her.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Why complicate things to start with?
    How about first get to know the man, fall in love, be cordial and warm to his sister but without linking it with the sister you miss? Why the filmi assumptions -- "get a younger sis"? You found it hard to accept your sister's marriage. OK. Why assume this girl will also find it hard to accept her brother's marriage?

    Again assumptions. That she will feel the same as you felt.
    In your mind you have painted a generous picture of yourself. Gave husband space to talk everyday. Tried to connect with her as well. Did you check if she sees a sister in you already? Or wants to?

    But why? Your sister and you have a bond of 20+ years. Why give SIL gifts of the same level as you give your sister? And set yourself up for disappointment? Why not start off easy and let time build the bond between you both? Why rush things?

    Did you communicate to her that you see your sister in her? Most likely not. You got her gifts and expected a proportional response. Within the first year of marriage.
    If you consider her your "sister" then it should be easy to forgive or overlook the lack of thanks?

    Bad move with in-laws to start something and then stop.
    Come now. She is a young girl. It was a wedding setting. Of course she will get along with guys more than she will with you. She should!
    Would have been better to start off like this and then build up to a warmer and deeper relationship.

    Good. A nice occasion to start a new phase in your relationship. Be nice, be warm, be kind. Let your words and actions show your care, love and affection, not just gifts.

    When you are not living in the same house, it takes longer. Can take up to 3-5 years to develop relationships with husband's family. Don't rush things. Be warm and loving and let nature and time run their course.
     
    rashdes02, Dishaa, SunPa and 4 others like this.
  7. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Rihana covered whatever i wanted to say.
    You choose friends not relatives. Give time some time.

    She might be ignorant, selfish, egoist but who knows she singing your praises around the world.

    Let love traffic be both ways...loud and clear.
     
    rashdes02 likes this.
  8. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Was she like this from the get go??.why do u think she acts like that ..@rihana covered the most ..she told u the right thing u Giving space is to ur husband or sil is not a big thing..

    Don’t get depressed by these stuff ..there are worst inlaws then these.just consider u have better then what are out there..
     
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  9. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    --> true will deal with patience.

    Thanks for advice! :)
     
  10. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    Thank you :) Agree.. She has been targeting me indirectly by complaining to my DH that I dont call her.. Like I should do it as my duty. DH n I have small fight she has to interfere in everything.. she is DH sis so she would want to advice but why put things in the wrong way.
    True that my ILs are way better than other ILs but having 2 sides of the same person gets difficult.
     

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